18 scared, thinking about adoption?

Shannon

No, it is not wrong and it does not mean that you do not love your child.

However, sometimes things fall through. If you are planning to have an open adoption so you can avoid orphanages, it can fall through at the last minute. So please make sure to have a back up plan. I think a mom living on welfare benefits going to school can do better than an orphanage, but I may be biased because my hubby had to grow up in one in between foster homes.

Whatever you do, think it through and make sure that it is the very best decision for you and your child.

magic pointe shoes

Concerned United Birthparents has a booklet for women considering adoption of things you should know if you are considering adoption.
http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf

Also, if you are having trouble with the idea that if you place for adoption because you love your child, imagine what your child will have with processing that same idea.

Addie

I think adoption is wrong if you are doing it just because you don't have money. Babies don't care if you have a lot of money, babies just want their mommy's. There is help out there for single mothers. I know that you are scared, but don't make a decision this big based on fear. Think about the lasting effects giving up your child with have on both of you.

Read books about adoption like these
The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier
Being Adopted by David M. Brodzinsky
Lost & Found, Journey of the Adopted Self by Betty Jean Lifton

Visit websites.
http://www.adoptioncrossroads.com
http://www.origins-usa.com
http://www.cubirthparents.org

Please consider keeping your baby. I wish my mother had kept me.

Gaia Raain

No, it does not. However, you can't tell that to your child if you're not there. You have no way of knowing if your child will feel that way or not. Nor do you have any control over whether the adoptive parents will say hurtful things to your child about you. Besides, babies don't want money. They want their mom's. Don't buy the bull that you can't effectively parent with little money. Kids are just as happy in a studio apartment with macaroni and cheese as they are with a mansion and escargot.

Ultimately, it's up to you. Just be aware of the possibilities, and do what YOU think is best.

tish

i'm sorry you feel overwhelmed. but, please be advised that many (most who have either never been pregnant, or been in your position) will try to sell you on how WONDERFUL and EFFORTLESS adoption is.

i will not do that.

what i WILL offer is my advice (from the perspective of someone who's been young, pregnant, broke, scared and considered adoption). adoption is usually a perm. fix to a temp. issue. you will not be young forever, and it's very possible to be a good parent without all the "bells and whistles" people will sell you that your baby needs.

also, your baby doesn't become REAL until after birth. what i would suggest is to NOT match up with anyone until after your baby is born. this way, you can make up your mind without the pressure to "give up your kid."

lastly, being broke and scared is not a crime. and you can absolutely love your baby and place for adoption. yet, i would strongly suggest that you read a bit more, see how f-mothers are "praised, then loathed" by society (some people treat you like a queen until you place, then treat you like crap after they have your kid). also, open adoption is a scam; although many aparents honor the agreements, a great more will close the agreement as soon as you sign over your rights.

all i can say is educate yourself. learn about programs to help you keep your baby. and if you still decide that you must place, DO NOT do so until after the baby is born.

good luck...

ps... take a look at this post... this is the reality of open adoption.

http://sg.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Agys4H.hQZLjDbTExSMyBNX54gt.;_ylv=3?qid=20080106133527AAJvu8D&show=7#profile-info-c8UAOBRTaa

...and adoption disruption (when the aparents decided that they don't want the kid anymore)

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AsLcK2JiKjsfcWstivpEK67sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080312095725AAMRZPH&show=7#profile-info-D7ysfn4daa
ETA: although i agree that parents do what's best for their children...i find is amusing that so many are quick to assert that young women who are obviously too immature to raise their children, possess this 6th sense that they can ensure, without flaw, that a couple of strangers can provide a better life for their child. the truth: the only way one can ensure the best for their children, is to be in their child's life. other than that, they are simply HOPING that they have done the best for their children.

sunny

Oh, honey, I hope you won't give your baby away!

Please read this from a woman who ALMOST gave hers away:

http://rondidondi.wordpress.com/2007/10/24/my-days-without-poowee/

Ang M

Maybe you should consider abortion as well. there are 118,000 children waiting to be adopted in the US. Theres nothing to say your child for sure will go to a good home. Theres no point in creating a life that has no certain future.

Shelly P. Tofu, E.M.T.

it doesn't mean you don't love them..

BUT honey, I'd not jump to the decision.. There are lots of recources to help single mothers.. at least you're old enough to hold a job, I think you can make it work!!

Don't give up too easily..

But if you chose adoption, there are good agencies that will allow YOU to chose your baby's new family, and you can have the peace of knowing you did the best you can to provide him/her with a good life..

Good luck.. but try to make being a mother work.. save adoption as a last resort, if you find you REALLY have no support, and simply can NOT do it..

Ruby B

What do you think your child would think of you when he/she grows up to realize that the people who raise him/her aren't really his/her real parents but it was you who coward off and put the child for adoption.
Think about this. It's not easy to be a father, nor it's easy to be cursed by your own children.
Best wishes,
Ruby

nacho b

No it doesn't mean you don't love them. It means you love them enough to let someone raise them who can afford to care for them properly. It's unfortunate that you feel you have to but it's your baby, your choice.

Lawyer

Money should not be the only reason to give the child up for adoption. Although I am not in favor of welfare mothers (don't get pregnant if you can't afford to raise the child), there is that option. Also, you can go to court to make the father pay to support the child. The child can even live with the father while you finish school and get a job. If neither of you is financially capable of raising the child and you recognize that you do not have the life experience yet to be the best mother, then I commend you for your good sense in that regard. Too many teenagers are under the misimpression that they can be good parents and having a child at a very young age will not limit them or their child's chances. 9 times out of 10, they will be living off of their relatives, the state, or in poverty. Giving your child up for adoption is the most unselfish and sensible decision you can possibly make, and there are agencies or attorneys who handle adoptions where you can select the parents who will adopt your child. There are also open adoptions where you can remain in contact with the parents and get updates on your child.

GEE-GEE

Love has nothing to do with money. If you can't support your child, I think you are just looking for the best options for your child.

Morgan : )

no!!!! i was adopted. there is nothing wrong with it. it doesn't mean that you dont love them. it means that you love them so much that you want to give them a better life. : )

good luck.

AdoreHim

Of course it does not mean you do not love your child- actually adoption means you do- because you realize that you may not be able to give the child the best life- and you chose to give your child life, and selflessly place your child in a home, that you think and pray will be the best for him/her.

pinkwoodrose

Sometimes adoption is best for the baby. If you are not able to financially care for your child it is something to think about. it DOES NOT mean you don't love your child. It might be because you love it so much you want the best for it. Good Luck.

~*These Blue Eyes Tell No Lies*~

no adoption means you know that at this time in your life you are incapable of providing your child with the life they deserve and care they need. there is always an open adoption, then you get updates, and to see the child, and they will know you love them. it means you love them so much you want whats best for them even it means breaking your heart and handing them over to a stranger who can better provide for them.

tinker5547

no it does not mean that you do not love your child though as a parent we must think of the best interest of our children and if you truly feel as though you would be giving your child the best chance then i feel as though that it would be agreat choice... good luck

ajlnkb23

Of course not! If you aren't able to accurately provide for a child, you are doing the child a favor by letting someone else care for them. Everyone wants only the best for their children and sometimes, that does mean adoption. You are a very unselfish person to think of the child before yourself.

kael

no, of course it doesn't mean that you don't love your child! you just know a couple in a more stable situation could care for that child in a way that you can't in your current situation. if you're worried about feeling like you abondoned your baby, you could arrange an open adoption so you can still be a small part of your child's life (birthday cards, letters, pictures, sometimes even phone calls and visits).

it will more than likely be very difficult to give up your child, but if you are willing to carry that child for nine months, there is no reason not bring the pregnancy to full term (other than a medical emergency of course). most infants are quickly adopted, its the older children who are left to suffer through foster care and a very uncertain life.

gisellerys

not really, if u dont have money you dont want you kid to suffer so sometimes adoption is better if the other family will gie him what he needs.

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