25% of children are expected to have been fathered by men other than the one named?

Andraya

I don't expect anyone to believe anything I say. I hope that they do since I am no liar but...

When my first daughter was born her father and his family seriously doubted her paternity. I welcomed the idea of a DNA test. I wanted to prove to them that I wasn't being dishonest, that he was her father and that they had screwed up, not me. His mother actually asked me about this when I was around 8 months pregnant. My response was "Of course the baby is his! I haven't got a loaded effing finger here!" that shut her up for a few months lol. My son's father never doubted until his new woman came in and wanted him all to herself... then came the doubts and I can't wait for the day that he can test agaisnt our son and see that he is Justin's dad. My youngest daughter's paternity was never doubted... that would have been stupid seeing as how she looks nothing like me and everything like him. Am I allowed to doubt maternity?

In the end I think it is rather funny that women have to constantly prove who they have slept with and when they did so. Ever doubted a man when he said he bumped uglies with someone? Oh but wait... men can't be raving wh*res! Only women can, my bad.

Freckle Face

Hi Bella,

I was trying to give this doc a fair shake. Maybe its time for a second opinion. There is a reason why i do not tell school, church, etc my children are adopted, the negative stereotypes. If the child is having any problems at school and adoption is a known fact, be prepared for this question "are you sure the first mother didn't do drugs?" Its rude and unfair and i do not want people using adoption as a scapegoat as to why my child might be having issues.

Of course, you have to be forthcoming at the doctors office. To me its beginning to sound like this doc is trying to blame adoption. A woman who gave her child away probably doesn't even know who the father is, stereotype. I would not stand for this! Its insulting, disrespectful and rude to make this assumption about the first mother of your child. Personally, I'd switch doctors immediately.

Its not talked about much in the adoption community but this stereotyping can be "standard" practice in many organizations. I don't tolerate it. I want the facts. Show me the proof that its adoption. Take adoption out of the question, what else could be causing this issue? Yes, i acknowledge that there definately could be issues related to adoption but many times it has nothing to do with adoption at all. Its often someones biased opinions about what the first parents "could have" exposed the child to. Bleech!

Those odds are seriously high to me. I think its more likely that some of kids take after distant relatives. Seriously get a second opinion and see what the next doc says.

ETA: Linda is a good example of what i'm talking about.

Torrejon

Ask the doctor to provide further statistical support for her opinions. Let's face it, it is possible. But, I've been told things by doctors with certainty that later proved only to show how much those doctors DIDN't know.

twinkle83

OMG!!! How would u feel if somebody else was raising your child you gave birth to and them called u up to ask if ur sure about who its father was??
WTF??

Santa's Lil' Helper

Andraya, you go girl!!!

To answer: I disagree with your doctor that is an inflated number. Just because he is adopted doesn't mean his mother slept around. Married woman can sleep around too.

My husband had a friend who did the same when he and his wife seperated and the new little woman wanted him to herself. My husbands basically told him to get a spine and take care of his kid. What kid wants to grow up and find out their father or his family tried to make their mother ou as some wh*re???
Oh! And they WILL find out because nosey family members
always spill the beans.

What happened to raising our boys to respect woman?

sassy_mom25, TTC#3

Do you have siblings? Do you look like them? I know a girl who has 4 kids and none of them look like her. Just because you aren't a duplicate of your parents doesn't meant they are hiding something from you. I think your doc is overreacting or else you have to consider that 25% isn't really that much.

mommy2squee

Actually the statistics are closer to 8%, rather than 25%, according to one of the web discussion groups I'm on. We were discussing rh factor inheritance and rhogam usage, and it was said that doctors are taught to NEVER believe a woman about paternity or date of conception.

Keine Kinder

Well, I don't know exactly. I have never heard that one. Maybe he was being sarcastic.

I only know of one way this would happen;

I had a vasectomy when I was 21, and never had children. My first wife got pregnant right after we split (almost 5 years after the surgery). She put my name on the birth certificate. The father was unemployed. She claims the people at the hospital told her to put me down so she can get more money. Needless to say, this headache followed me up until she gave up the baby for adoption. I nearly had my pay garnished over this.

Linda

if you look through the rest of the family portraits, you can often find a likeness, and a lot of kids will look like their dad at birth, even when they don't later, so look at your babypictures.
For an adopted child, the issue may be more complicated, as the mother may not be sure who the father is.

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