28 weeks pregnant and considering adoption...advice please!!?

Marsha R

No judgment here, but please stop and ask yourself what another couple can give your child that you cannot. You can give your child the most precious thing in the world, something NO ONE else in the world can give him/her...you. You are the one with the familiar smell and voice and whose heartbeat he/she has memorized. You are the one who will be able to provide colostrum to nurse your baby and keep it healthy and strong. When your baby is away from you, YOU are the one it will cry for until it is safe inside your arms.
Don't worry about other couples and their feelings, not to be rude, but you need to concentrate on your child's feelings and needs and your feelings and needs (and the babys father also).
Please read the blogs of some first mothers out there and see what relinquishment has done to them. They were once called heroes, saints, the givers of such joy...they were told they would get over it, that they would be happy knowing they gave their child a better life...but I know mothers in their 60s+ who are still crying and grieving over the loss of their children. So many of them gave up their chance to parent their beautiful children over such temporary and trivial things only to realize too late that they could've given their child all they needed. Go to http://www.origins-usa.org and talk to some of these women, listen to their stories. Then go read some blogs by adult adoptees and listen to what the separation from their mothers has done to them. Look out how our rights are stripped from us and how we mourn the loss of our original families. Not all first mothers and adoptees feel the same, but many do and thats worth taking into consideration especially when you factor in that many of us adoptees who grieve were once the happy grateful adoptee too.
What you need is -support-, not losing your child. I had PPD with my first too and I know how scary it is. But you can get medication to help you through that. Its temporary, but losing your child is permanent. Please don't do anything you will regret, not because you think your child needs expensive clothes and swimming pools, not because you think someone else deserves your child more, and not because you think you can't be as good a parent to a 3rd child as you are to your first two. You CAN get through this, just believe in yourself. You can find a LOT of support at the link I provided earlier to Origins USA. Please contact them. You won't regret it.

tish

i can only say that the decision you face is not one that's going to be resolved on Y! A.

i strongly advise you to speak to a counselor at your department of social services. quite honestly, what you will find on this board is mostly biased information and people looking to adopt your baby.

i wish you well...

pink45123

im 19 and i dont have any kids, but honey i dont see how you could let someone else have one of your babys, shes part of you. think about the long term yes maybe someone else could get her more attention and buy her nice things because they have more money, yes you have 2 kids, but in 5 years from now are you going to wonder where she is and if shes okay and are you going to tell me that part of you wont feel like you missed out on her and you will wish you would have gave her a chance. It might be hard but what if when she grows up she thinks i wonder why my mom didnt want me? shes not going to know why you gave her up. just that you did. you really need to talk long and hard about it before you decide what you are going to do. But im really very happy that you are going to let her be born into this world even tho its not a nice one sometimes.. your doing good so far. and im not all into the god stuff real big lol but may god bless you and help you along with whatever you do.
ps i would like to know what you do decide so if you could let me know.. ill back u up either way but you should really think about keeping her... listen to your heart.....

Lillie

Just take a moment and breathe.

People will tell you that adoption is a gift, that your baby would be a wonderful gift to someone else who cannot have a child of their own. Maybe so, but you know, so what?

Do you think that your baby, growing inside of you right now, is hoping and wishing to be given away to somebody else?

Is it fair to think that any child wants to be a gift, and give up her own mother, father, and siblings?

I was adopted, and I sure don't appreciate it.

It sounds like you can handle this. Maybe things will be a little tight, but there are programs available to help you, I would recommend checking out any form of assistance you can get to help you through.

Just think...in 5 short years, all 3 will be in school and then what? You'll be feeling pretty lonely from 8 till 3 when the big yellow bus finally brings their bright, smiling faces home.

I know it's scary, I know it's hard, but kids grow up so fast, and babies get easier and easier to take care of as they grow. After a year, they are toddlers...2 years, they are walking, talking, no more diapers.

The hardest part is so, so temporary...but giving your precious baby up for adoption is, sadly, forever. Not even reunion can bring back the lost years.

I should know; I reunited with my mother when I was 23, but her grief and guilt from giving me up has caused her to shut down and she hasn't been able to speak to me in over 10 years.

Adoption is painful for the mother, it is a life-sentence for both of us. Just really, really think about that.

And open adoptions? Remember, they are not legally enforceable. All too often the adopters cut off all contact because of insecurity, jealousy, whatever. You have NO rights, no legal recourse. It's a real gamble if you think you might still get to have a part of your child in your life through open adoption.

darkangelflea

well i am a mother of three and i had my first when i was fifteen and i had another when i was 22 and now i have another now he is one,,and i feel it is easy to take care of all the three kids and i am single,,dont give ur baby away,,,you will regret it so much and the pain you will have,,,do this,take on another child,,but make it the last like i did,,get ur tubes tied or think of the shot,,,i really feel for you and wish i knew you as a friend,,i would support you big time,,dont make this ur boyfriends desition,,it is ur body and you are mom,,it is all up to you,,dont let a man make ur choices,,you are your own person,,,i am felicia and you will find me on msn darkangelflea@hotmail.com,,i hope i said something that will help you,,im not judging ur boyfriend or you,,,some times guys get scared and make the girl have an abortion or adoption and then later in life the women will have regrets and feel why did i do that.....i have friends who have big time regrets on giving up on the baby and kids,,,im just warning you,,and might save you from hard core depresstion,,you will have more extrem depresstion if you give the baby away,,,,remember hold the baby in your arms and kiss him and look into his eyes and you will see he loves you and trusts you and depends on you and cant wait to be ur bestfriend for life,,think really hard about this one girl,,if i had the magic i would help,,but all i can do is put in my point aveiw,,,take care girl and i wish you the best of luck and i am going to prey for you to make the right choice for you and the baby and ur family

california_mommy89

you know it will be very hard on you and the baby if you choose adoption. you kept your other children and you are fine, you will be fine with another one. you will always be wondering where the baby is and if the baby is safe, you already know what its like to be a mom. for somone who hasnt had a baby before it wont be as hard to give the baby up and cope. they dont know what its like on a daily basis to see children of there own.

Jayme S

Do you have friends or family near by? Ask their opinion. They are on the outside of your situation and may be able to see it better. If you are doing well with 2, then you will do just fine with 3. How old is your youngest? If your little one is under the age of 1 then it can be more stressfull. If you decide to adopt out, make sure you get counciling for you and for your oldest. Your oldest is about 3-4 years right? That is old enough to understand what is going on and this child may be concerned that you will give him/her away also. Also, think, your oldest will be going to school soon. You will have less children at home for a few hours a day. The decision is truely yours. Just make sure you think of all the other things you can do instead of adopting out. But if you need to, go through a good agency with a good reputation. Do your research. Good luck and God bless.

mamulechka

GOod luck explaining to #3 why his mum and dad didn't love him enough like the other two.

redpeach_mi

i think it is harder for someone to decide to give their child up for adoption than to keep it. it's hard. you just want to do what is best for the baby. you do what you think is right. do not listen to all the people that think you are being selfish and only thinking about yourself. it's not like you want to give them child up because you want to party, you think that adoption might be it's best chances for a great life. however, if i were you, i would only give the child up if there was no way that you can care for the child. giving a child up is not always a good situation and it's not always bad either. it's a chance. just like birth children. some of them have great lives and some of them don't. do what you want to do.

concerned

((Hugs))

You know... I just don't have the energy in me tonight to give you a proper reply, so first, I apologize.

All I can really say is... make sure it's something you literally NEED to do for your baby, before you do it.

It's too heartbreaking to go through, and the repercussions too far-reaching, if it's not absolutely 100% necessary.

Please talk to a counselor at social services or your family or a close friend -- someone who knows you.
As Tish said asking for advice from complete strangers on YA is only going to get you biased answers.
I wish you the best of luck.

alexia

If I judge from what I read above you must be a good mom.Consider a lot before giving your baby to another family cause noone and I mean NOONE will love it and care more for it than you.I see that there are some problems with your husband since he's working a lot but someone must do that in order to have money to provide your children what they need.Raising 3 kids is a very difficult thing to do but think that there are so many good moments in that which make it worthy.If you finally decide to give it make sure that the family that is going to have it will have the financial stability and that they will love it as their own.Take care

pricetongirl

ok if you give up this baby, you're crazy. you have two other babys why can't you take care of one little young kid . it's gonna hart you for life. trust me. it did to meeee and it's still now

Elizabeth

Well it's obviously too late to have an abortion, what a pity.

Now you really only have one option, raise your child.

Abandoning your child is tantamount to child abuse. Some ignorant folks like to pretty it up and call it "making an adoption plan", but it is abandonment make no mistake about it.

You signed up to be a mother. Now do your job.

It is not the child's fault that you were irresponsible. Don't make your child pay for your lack of planning.

After the kid is born it might behoove you to get your tubes tied.

jessiejungle

if adoption is going to give this baby a better life than what you can provide than by all means look into it. There are so many services out there that can help you, you can even do an open adoption, were you can know that you can know how the baby is doing. It takes a strong person to do the best thing for their child and not be selfish. But dont let someone talk you into this desicion either, b/c you may regret it later in life if this was not totaly your choice.

l0bster_quadrille

My advice is think wisely, you don't want to make a decision you'll regret.
Do not be pressured by others opinions.
Ask your doctor to point you in the direction of someone professional, so that you can discuss this decision.
Good luck to you.

grapesgum

Please listen to Marsha. Your baby's "best chance in life" is to be with his natural family which is obviously a loving family. Just because you had post natal depression for your 2ND child does not mean that you will have it again. Please talk to a counselor with your husband to discuss the effects of relinquishing your child. That counselor should NOT associated with an adoption agency - they only get paid if you give your baby away and will push you in that direction. And talk to mothers who have suffered through losing a child.

Instead of working on a so-called "adoption plan", I would like to suggest that you put your energy into preparing for your child's birth to help you cope when your child comes home. Babysit for friends now and then cash in your favors for babysitting help post birth. Cook and freeze as many meals as you can. Simplify your daily routine. Ask your family members to help. Line up mental health care in case you need it. Above all, do not even think about adoption until you have met your baby and tried parenting.

I am the eldest of 7 children and grew up in a poor family. I cannot imagine coping with losing one of my younger siblings. My parents struggled but made a happy home for us. No frills, but happy. We all helped!

Aimee H

As a sister-in-law to a man who was adopted. Go with your heart. My brother-in-law's biological mother had emotional problems and didn't think she could raise him. She walked into a lawyer's office and my mother-in-law was working there. She had struggled for years with infertility and she offered to adopt him then and there. 2 weeks later when he was born she got to bring him home. The family showered with him love and affection and when people talk about when he was adopted you would think everyone "had" him.

Giving away your babies as someone rudely commented is a serious and hard decision. You can have open adoption and keep up with the child as he/her grows. Good luck in any decision you make.

Carla

I am so sorry to hear you're going through this difficult time. I would talk to someone you trust in your family, or someone else you think can give you an unbias opinion that knows you personally. If you know in your heart that there is no way you can possibly raise this baby in the way you see fit, then call adoption agencies or if you know someone personally that longs for a child ask them if they would consider adopting your baby. I, for one, would be thrilled if someone approached me to adopt their unborn child so you probably would make their day. But you have to really think long and hard about this, it's a very personal and frightening decision. Children are alot of work and sometimes we all feel like we reached our limits, but you can try open adoption if you still want contact of some sort. If you want no contact then a closed adoption is for you. There are adoption agencies you can call in your area I am sure. If you want help getting ahold of anyone feel free to email me as well. sabre118 at hotmail.com

*Kala*

it's totally up to you

i am also 28 weeks pregnant and putting my baby up for adoption. although i am 17

if you wanted to talk to anybody about it...

kemalee21

I have had 3 children and I gave the middle child up because it was the right thing to do, I wasn't in a situation financially or emotionally to care for another kid. It was the best thing I have ever done, he has a wonderful life and my 2 children and husband now are better for it. I think sometimes God gives another family a chance to be a parent through us who are able to have children. You should definitely consider this and don't worry about selfishness or anything someone else might say. I have never regretted or even cried because I know I did the right thing even though I kept my other kids. There is a great joy in being able to make someone else a parent too. that might be a little selfish :) Good luck!

Tsunami

if you feel its too much then you should give the baby a chance to live. but i know it will haunt you and mabye an opened adoption and then youc an later explain or what ever. i mean its up to you there are so many questions and i thnk maybe a letter to the child deposited soemwhere for the baby on the medical and may that would help but i know being adtoped it will always be wondering why did you give the baby up and you can tell them. its best to do this and also give the medical for you and hubby its all up to you take it carefully and really think this out before you do it once you sign the papers its done and can't be revrseed. take care.

KMS

I think that deep in your heart, you already know the answer. You need to do what is best for you and your baby. I can only imagine how hard it would be to give a child to another loving family. If you do decide that adoption is the best answer, know that the family you are giving your child to can appreciate the gift that you are allowing them to experience. That the child will be in a loving home and will have what you desire for it. If you decide to keep the baby, know what challenges are ahead of you and do your best to overcome them. Do your homework, ask questions and do what is right for you and your family. Don't let random strangers on the internet sway your decision. This is a choice only you can make. Good luck!!

Shannon A

well it's what you want to do. I'm actually looking to adopt. Not to scare you but the whole point of me adopting is the fact that I want to provied a new life for a child. And for that reason I believe your trying to provied a better life for your child. No one should have negative comments b/c you are trying to do what's right for you baby . You can always keep intouch they can send you pictures come back to the country to have visits if you like . It's all up to you do what you think is right just know that you love your baby and that's what you need to understand.

â™¥TEGANâ™¥

my mom did thiat...she had my sister with one guy,they are still friends then had another daughter with some stupid guy who ,after my second sister was born raped her,so she got pregnant and gave my brother up for adoption, then the stupid guy raped her again so she had a daughter and gave her up top the same people she gave my brother.then she finally got away from him and now he is in jail. She did what she thought was best and the two of them understand why she did it. so now I have a really awesome family.....I am 13,and I have three sisters Drea(30), whose dad is a good family friend and my sister who my mom had before the guy went crazy is 28 then the two that my mom gave up because she didnt want two more of her kids being abused by the dummy and they are Brandon (22) and Alexandria(20, we call her Ali) and then when my mom got away from the guy she met my dad and had me...I am 14. Adoption is really good if you dont want to have the kid growing up in a bad household, or something like that....so yeah...thats my story...... good luck!

Hot Chocolate

Nothing is wrong with what your thinking about.

hell raiser9392

If you want to give ur child up you should do an open adoption so you can see the child! If you want to give it up, just tell ur doctor about it and about ur situation and tell him you want to give the baby up and you ned help giving it up or whatever, and when you have ur baby children services will come to get the baby! But if i were you i would never give up my kid!! I know how i would feel if i got pregnant! Cause i'm 15 right now!! I know my mother would kill me!! but she would never let me give up my kid!!!

Aero Gurl â™¥

the only thing wrong with adoption is you don't know what will happen to this child in the future and u will not see it grow up...i say if u had to live wit it for that long of a period of time keep the darn thing...and stick it out it's ur fault anyway...

Tresa R

I would say that this may be the best option for you. I think that giving your child the best life you can is your duty as a parent. If that life isn't with you, then do what you can to improve that life through adoption. I think that if you don't believe you can cope well, then you probably won't. Go talk to your doctor, he/she can refer you to an adoption agency where you can discuss all the details and make your choice. You need more info before really deciding, go out there and get it. I am so happy to see parents who really care about their kids. I have been there, a little bit. I had my first right after my 18th birthday and my second at 20. My husband was in Iraq (i got pregnant on his 2 week leave) and had to deal with the whole pregnancy alone. It's very hard, and even harder to handle a newborn, alone most of the time, with other children demanding so much of you.

Faith

Any person that will put the best interest of her children first and think about THEIR future is amazing. My husband and I are looking to adopt and I hope we are lucky enough to have an open adoption with someone who is as special as you. Best of luck to you!

hiya im the same age . I have a one year old beautifull baby boy and has been with his dad for 2 and a half years he works and i did most things which i dont mind cause im very good at it but for a while the relationship is very unstable and he keeps saying he thinks we should split up and being very unsupportd . Im very worried and dont have any family around me for help so i was thinkin to benifit the child should i consider adoption . He does not want to do it as he wants the baby n says the problem is me im just being horrible is this due to my hormones but as were sort of in the same boat wat do u think i should do

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