A few questions about adoption?

Wundt

What made you decide to adopt?
- A variety of reasons. Basically we like being parents, family is important to us, and our own children are older. Also, we are at that point in our lives (early 40s) when we are young enough to enjoy and handle young kids, while we are old enough that we are comfortable and stable in our lives.

What was the adoption process? What was it like for you?
- We adopted through foster care. We went through a process that took several months to get certified as a foster home. After several temporary foster placements, two young boys were placed with us and we were told it was likely they would be placed for adoption (what is called "legal risk status"). We were asked IF they were placed for adoption, WOULD we adopt? we said yes. Our experience in general was positive. There were problems, but in general, we did not feel the process was unreasonable or unfair. We do know that we were lucky, our wait was short (2 years from start to finish) and we adopted two wonderful kids, something very much the 'luck of the draw'.

How has/have your kids adjusted to living with you?
- Extremely well. When they came to us they had many, many problems stemming from the abuse and neglect they had suffered before being placed in foster care. They are now normal, happy little boys. The case workers who knew them from before are amazed when they see them, they cannot beleive these are the same boys. Of course, we don't know what will happen when they get older, but for now, everything is going very well.

Have you come across any challenges throughout the process?
- a few, but they were minor and easily overcome.

Mom to Foster Children

I sent you my story in an email to answer the questions that you asked me. Ran out of room both emails - if you need anything - just holler!

Sofiakat

I am an adoptive parent of two children from foster care.
They were 18 months and 3 years old when they were placed with us.
That was three years ago in May.

1. I always knew I wanted to adopt. My mother was a foster-care provider and seeing what happened to the children she took care of, as well as how their lives turned out going in and out of the system, made me want to provide a foster child with a permanent home.

2. Here is our process in point form:
-called CAS to inquire about adoption
-went info session at CAS
-decided to wait a few years
-called CAS for papers two years later
-filled out papers
-1 year later began homestudy and courses in foster/adoption
-Began homestudy in September, were asked to foster with a view to adopt in April.
-Began slow introduction to children in April by visiting their foster home daily, sleep overs, etc
-Children were placed with us as foster kids in May
-Brought kids to therapy, and visits with their mother once a week
-In September, mother signed over rights instead of going through the courts and fighting the Crown Ward No Access on the condition we would be the only ones allowed to adopt them.
-Children began a 6 month probationary adoption period
-1 year later, adoption was finalized

The adoption process was difficult as we lost all privacy due to all of the people in and out of our home (cycs, social workers, lawyers,therapists, etc) because of the childrens' issues, the whole fostering experience, etc. It was even harder on our new children.

3. My son has Reactive Attachment Disorder due to his stint in foster care, his time with his natural family, and the adoption. He is very slowly adjusting. My daughter has adjusted well as far as I can tell. however, we are very open about the adoption with them and allow them an open dialogue about how they feel about what happened.

4. The biggest challenge in the adoption process itself was lack of communication between all the social workers.

farm mom of 10

What made you decide to adopt?

I fell in love with the older siblings of the child I eventually adopted. They were in foster care, in our daughters home. We got our foster/adopt license to adopt them, since the case was heading for termination, but then surprise! The mother had another baby, which gave her six more months. In the end, she got the older children back, but relinquished the baby when it was discovered he was not her boyfriends child, and we were able to adopt him.
Then we foster for a while, and adopted one of our foster children. Her birthmother had another child who went straight into foster care, and we also adopted him.

What was the adoption process? What was it like for you?

For the first adoption, it was very hard. The next two were easy.
Here's an article I wrote about adopting through the state foster care system:
www.associatedcontent.com/article/9495...

How has/have your kids adjusted to living with you?

The second child we adopted was a girl who came to live with us at two and a half. We finalized her adoption when she was four. She has had a lot of grief over losing her birthmother. Once she was adopted and no longer a foster child, we opened the adoption because of her grief. That has helped her a lot. Here is another article I wrote about her grief:
www.associatedcontent.com/article/6797...
Her little brother lived in three places, including with a relative, before the family asked if we would raise him and the state placed him with us when he was six months old. He had some pretty severe attachment problems, but shows no ill effects anymore. He's eightteen months old now.

Have you come across any challenges throughout the process?

There are always challenges working with the state, but we have been able to work it all out.

dumplin1955

Hi,

My youngest son is adopted, I first held him at 11 hours old. From the moment i took him in my arms, he was my baby. He has been such a joy in my life. He is now 21 years old. Feel free to contact me with any further questions you may have.

dumplin1955@yahoo.com

Bethany B

I am adopted. I am now 27 years old. I was taken from the hospital at 2 days old, and then formally adopted at 4mos old, I think. My parents wanted to adopt to expand the family (they had 2 boys but were having problems getting pregnant again). I do not know what the adoption process was like for them. I do know that since there was no father listed on my birth certificate (this was in 1981 in South Carolina), my parents had to put an ad in the paper with the birth mother's name (it is an open adoption) stating that she had had a baby so that if the birth father saw it and wanted to come forward, he could. My parents told me at age 5 that I was adopted (the reason for telling me so early was because my grandma said that if they did not, she would). 5 is too young, but I have always felt special that I was "chosen." I will say through the teenage years, I went through (like most teenagers probably do) a period of "They don't love me as much as their real children," and I was really angry that my birth mother had not even tried to keep me. I also got upset when she sent me a birthday card at age 16, and then never sent me one again (it's like you are either "in" or "out"). I obviously now realize that giving up your child for adoption takes a person who is a very selfless person (I have 3 kids and I could never imagine having to make that choice). She loved me SO MUCH that she probably had to make the hardest decision of her life. I wish her nothing but the best.

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