A question about adoption reform and those who would like to see the ethics of adoption changed?

I am as pro-family preservation as anyone, I firmly believe a family should only be disrupted when children are at risk.
I am also a foster mum and see the other side of family preservation. I see the fantastic cases where it all goes well, and I've seen some huge mistakes (children being sent home and murdered). So I'm basically without bias there.

I also think anyone who intends to raise non-biological children should do some serious research and put a lot of thought into what it actually entails. And whenever possible I steer people towards considering foster care.

But-this is directed at just a couple of people on here- don't you think you would better educate and enlighten people with more respectful answers? I'm not one for sugar-coating anything, I say tell it how it is. But you can do that without insulting others. It's such an important issue that we're all discussing here, hopefully the purpose is to share, learn, and broaden our knowledge. This is better served by presenting facts and experiences, rather than insults flying thick and fast.

What have others experiences been on here in regards to this?
Additional Details
BTW, I haven't experienced any of this directly, it's more what I read in other questions. I also try to answer politely, although I hate the "where can I get a baby real cheap" questions.
I sometimes just think a lot of valid points get lost in translation.

cantstopLinnyG

Your question is misleading. I thought it was going to be about what we would like to be done as far as adoption reform goes, not about HOW someone answers a question.

I think if you go back and look at most of the questions people ask and answer, you will see a pattern. I have one. If it is a genuine question, and not a baiting question, then I answer the question with links, and I try to be respectful and informative.

If someone wants to be polite while answering a "where can I get a baby real cheap" question, that is there choice. My choice is to point out, thick and fast, that a person with that mentality has no business adopting. If someone posts a question saying that all a p's are baby stealers and should be sent away on an island, I report them, then respond with something equally absurd. That's how I roll.

So while Im on a roll, I feel your question is a bit baiting with thinly veiled insults such as using the term "those who are angry/upset with adoptions".

Bueller? Bueller? Anyone?

Randy B

I've also seen some pretty rude answers given to people who had the nerve to ask a question. Some people eh? They come to a question and answer site and actually expect that they can ask questions.

I know I'm not perfect and I'm sure there have been times when I've lost my temper or forgotten to be as tolerant as I should have but there are others who are always like that and who, as you say, claim they don't have the time for stupid questions.

I just can't understand it because I can't imagine them having the same attitude in their responses if they were having a face to face conversation with someone. I'm sure if they did that then they would probably have the conversation ended with a fat lip. lol

When the questions are obviously stupid or a ruse designed to cause trouble I just ignore it and move on to others. If they are just someone asking about how to do an adoption I'll try to answer. I don't even try to judge. If someone asks about an international adoption I'll answer their question and then if it's called for I'll suggest other ways they may want to consider adopting. It's not my place to be their moral compass but that doesn't mean I can't suggest other alternatives.

The question and answer exchanges I do love seeing though are those ones where someone says "How can I adopt from (insert country name here)" only to be told in a rather curt manner that "there are plenty of children in US foster care so you should adopt from here first and let other countries take care of their own." What makes me laugh is when the person who asks the question comes back with "why would I want to try US foster care, I don't live in the US. I live in (insert country name here). Why do you think I was asking the question in the first place?" Some people would look a little less stupid if they would just scroll down the page a bit first to find out where the person was asking the question before they shot themselves in the foot.

LadySarah

I too have been in both situations as a foster parent. We were fortunate enough to be able to adopt two of our "guests".

I have also noticed a decided lack of courtesy in many posts. I try to ignore the ignorant assumptions and answer questions as clearly and politely as possible. If I feel that a post was sent just to antagonize or get things stirred up, I usually ignore that one and go on with my life. I have no time for flaming and no time to argue with someone who isn't here for the information so willingly shared

LS.

rachael

i dont know how long you have been an active member here, but i have been here since before there was even a separate 'adoption' section. i agree with you that there has been a very angry undertone of this forum-hence my absence lately. but this comes from a deep seeded and long standing feud.

it wasnt always like this. it really wasnt. but as time went on and more people discovered us, the more they pushed for the drama.

beagle

i knew somebody that was a foster child and i felt so bad they didnt have their parents but in some cases it is for the best . i truly admire you and anyone else who takes in foster kids they truly need someone they need stability and most of all love . i have two of my own and i dont know what i would do with out them they are my life . i also think that the adoption laws are a little harsh some of them i understand but some of them could be done away with foster care would be very hard for me you get attached and then they are gone ,i really admire you for what you do thank you .

Persnickety Snack

I've been a good little quiet subservient child my whole life. Having found my voice, I'm not going to squelch it or modify it to meet anyone else's needs. You don't like what I have to say? Too bad, because I don't even know you, and if you're going to take what I say personally when I can't possibly be directing it at YOU means YOU have a problem. I think sugar coating is insulting to the reader. I'm sure everyone here is an adult and can handle whatever I have to say. If they can't, boo frikidy hoo. Go home and cry to your mama. My truth is going to come out exactly as it is, unmodified, with no sugar coating, for the rest of my natural born life. Just because I CAN. And you deserve the truth. I'm not going to talk down to some stranger by pretending you can't handle the truth.

Indian-vision

Well thanks for asking people to "educate" politely rather than knock the questioner around. I once asked some one very very recently what was the point of responding so rudely. Response i got "I don't have patience to answer stupid questions nicely. Not worth my time". Hmmmm...... then why answer at all..........and whats an "intelligent question according to you?? People come here because they don't know the answer.......or why else would they ask. !!

Like some one here said you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar..........

joey

I don't see anything wrong with being honest and, sometimes, blunt with the asker. But being mean just because 'you can' is just as uninformative as sugarcoating. Plus, it says more about you and your hang-ups than the person presenting the topic at hand.

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