A question for adoptee's?

rachael

bwahahahahaha......someone actually posted that? oh anastasia-you know if anyone knows better than that-i do.

dont love the child, huh? there are actually some people out there that are so selfless they give up their happiness to ensure the safety of the child.

some truly dont love the child, some dont want them. but for some, its much deeper.

i do not agree with this statement at all. to make a comment so general about so many people is not only unfair, its ignorant.

almost human

the birth-parents never vanish.

their absence is a conspicuous reminder of their existence.

their love or lack thereof is the unanswered question that gnaws away at the soul of every relinquished child.

ETA - I was Randy B for forty one years - everything was just fine until I looked death in the eye. Then, existential matters began to reveal themselves. We all wonder why we were relinquished, whether you are Randy B or me now or someone in between. The size and extent of that wonder is what pits adoptees against one another. It is a battle for ascendancy, a proving of who was loved enough to validate this adoptee label.

I think it's a misspent defensiveness. just as this gnawing question might be minuscule/microscopic even, pushed to the furthest back burner, it still must gnaw a little. you wouldn't be human if it didn't.

cruzgirlz3

No, I don't agree at all. Most, not all, but most women who carry children love them before they are even born. Some even feel that they are making their decision out of love for the child. Many never stop loving that child even if they have never met them.

Zeena

Some do.
Most don't.

England Auden

Maybe sometimes.

I personally believe that my birthmother abandoned me BECAUSE she loved me and didn't want me to get caught up in whatever bad things were happening to her to make her need to leave me.

If she didn't care about me/what happened to me (love me) she could've just shoved me in a dumpster somewhere. But she left me right outside a hospital where medical staff were falling over me almost immediately. Obviously she wanted me to live and I'd like to think she'd have wanted me to be as happy as I am.

Randy B

Mine never "vanished". I'm sure they are out there somewhere and while I wish them all the health and happiness they could hope for (if they are still alive), I've never chosen to know them, find them or otherwise find out their "story". For that reason, I can't comment on their degree of love other then to deduce there must have been some or I would not have been carried to term.

And contrary to the ever present generalizations and blanket statements by some of the answerers around here, it does not gnaw at the very soul of THIS relinquished child.

++++++

I guess you would say I'm not human then because it honestly does not gnaw at me. About the only thing that does is people like some here telling me that it must gnaw at me.

Mei-Ling

You should already know what the answer will be from the regular users here.

;)

kidmindi

I do not agree with this statement. If a birthparen leaves a child's life it may be because they have problems they cannot overcome and they just aren't able to take care of themselves much less a child.

This was the case in my adoption. My birthmother had a bad drug habit and wasn't able to care for herself properly much less a baby. I know that she never stopped loving me.

We have been reunited for many years and she has told me that she regretted not being strong enough to kick her habit and be a good mom.

Sadly sometimes love just isn't enough.

Rowan

no i don't agree with it. My birth parents loved me, and still do. They just could not give me the life they felt i deserved(their words).

mamm23

No. In several instances birth parents gave up their child because of how much they loved them. They wanted what was best for the child and knew that they couldn't provide it.

Rae_Lill

In some very very rare cases maybe that is true...because we can never know the full extent to everyone's situation. However I don't believe in that statement at all. Maybe parents or single pregnant mothers go through with adoption because they were way to young to raise a child, unplanned and unprepared for. There are other cases to such as rape that maybe the woman feels it better for adoption rather then abortion.

AwandMybabibak

they love the child alot and give them up for adoption because they know that they would not make a good parent

some try to say that they were coerced after they change their mind- what a crock of crap. that just proves that they are unstable and not suitable to be parents

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