A question for first parents....?

snowwillow20

Tell the truth. It took a little while before my bdaughter told us she had been molested by a family friend when she was young. That really tore us up, but we are glad she was honest.

We felt like crap since we had been told by the agency that she would have a rosy peachy wonderful life with 2 wonderful parents, who could provide her a better life than we could.

ace

I would rather my children be honest and tell me the truth, I would want to know all their feelings so I could support them an help them through the ruff time they are having . I am a first parent and only hope that my child will come looking for me some day. I commend you for seeking out your biological family and hope that someday you will be able to tell them the truth so they can help you resolve some of the issues you have .

Heather B

Yes. My reunion is very new and I've done the pretending that I was unaffected by adoption and that my parents were just wonderful (which they were actually!) and I'm so happy and unaffected - it's what she wants to hear right now.

I've told her some things though and immediately felt guilty and apologized but she's a very sensible and level-headed lady and she tells me that it hurts her heart but she really needs to hear the truth - like the fact that I was in foster care for 3 months; that just broke her heart.

Possum

As an adoptee - I have also had to keep back my truth - not telling them my real feelings.
Sadly - too many relinquishing parents are told that their children will have a wonderful life in adoption-land.
Truth - no one can guarantee ANYTHING - not in adoption - not in life.
BUT - relinquishing parents usually hang on to the 'this child will have a better life being adopted' - for years and years and years. Keep telling themselves that they are doing what is right.
Apart from we adoptees wanting to please - and not tell our truth - when we do find the courage to tell the truth - some don't believe us - because they simply want to BELIEVE that adoption was the right choice - because that's what they were told.

The truth - some days - adoption really really screws.

chelsea s

Yes, I think it is o.k. for you to be open with your first parents. It is thoughtful of you to worry about their feelings. But I'm sure they love you very much, and want to help you be happy in any way they can. They did their best at that time, maybe it didn't work out so well, but they are around now.

Yamigirl

their your parents. you should feel comfrotable telling them the truth.

nessa913

thats a tough on. if u say your life was great when it wasn't then u r kinda hurting urself but if u say it wasn't then u would prabably make them feel guilty.

Ted

Considering that your birth parents are total strangers, I think its inappropriate to dump all your junk on them. Its not fair to them. I'm not saying to sugar coat things, either.

Just as with any relationship, only after you have developed the relationship should you get deep.

PS - Nobody's life has always been great.

ashlea729

My best friend gave her daughter up, and they have an open adoption. She gets pictures once a year, and I know that it makes her very happy to know that her daughter has a better life than she would have with her. Isn't that the whole idea of adoption... to give them a better life?

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