ADOPTED MEN: What did you want?

When did you find out that your were adopted?

If you found out from someone other than your parents, were you upset?

Did it matter to you?

Did you reject your adopted mother for your "birth mother"

Did you consider that the family that adopted you and that you were simply a part of the family like any other child?

Did you have the need to find your "roots? Why?
If you are adopted from another country, what connection do you have to that country other than what you hear?
Aren't you a citizen of the country where you live now?
I am just trying to understand this.
Are you looking at your roots because of pressure from other adoptees and adoption organizations?
Do you really want to have an "adoption day party?" Doesn't that make you feel different from the other kids? Is that good?

Randy B

I've known from as young as I can remember and for me it didn't make a difference. My parents were my parents...the ones that raised me. I've always been 100% an integral part of the family and I've never felt a need to find "my roots". I've always felt that I knew my roots, that being my (adoptive) parents.

Possum

You've put too many questions in one question.
I doubt anyone will take the time to answer so many.

Look through the answered questions that are here.
Google blogs written by adult adoptees.

Searching is a personal thing.
Please do some research and reading into what is already here.
The tone of some of your questions comes off as rather rude and almost hurtful.
You obviously don't understand - that's fine - but there are a zillion answered questions here you could look through to find some answers.
Open your heart and mind - and take in what you find.
You'll never fully understand - as you haven't lived it.
Adoption is extremely complex for those that are most affected by adoption - the adoptee.
Your questions show that you have a very one-sided view.
I hope you will read more.

myst1998

So from all these questions I gather you are an adoptive mother of a boy/man and don't want him to search. Stop feeling so insecure and needy and let him do what he wants to do.

PhilM

I found out when I was very young (I've known as long as I can remember).

I found out from my parents.

Yes, it mattered to me.

I love both my first mom and my adopted mom. It is possible to love more than one person.

I have several families. One I was born into (my first family). Two that I was legally joined to (one as an infant - my adoptive family; one as an adult - my wife's family). One that I formed voluntarily with no need for legal intervention (a small circle of incredibly close friends). I don't understand what "like any other child" means, since all children have different experiences in their families. In my adoptive family, I was not "like any other child." I was loved and cared for. (Those last two sentences are not related.)

Yes, I had the need to find my roots. If you have ever looked into your family tree, if you have ever sat around with relatives looking at photographs of people who died long before you were born, if you have ever wondered how your family got to where it was, then you already know why I had that need. If you lack all curiosity about family and the past, if you have never known what it is like to never have looked upon someone and seen your own features, then I don't know how to explain it to you.

I didn't know there were other adoptees looking for their roots until I started looking for mine.

I never wanted an "adoption day party." I didn't like celebrating my birthday, much less a day "celebrating" my loss.

How can you both want adoptees to be "like any other child" and also want them to "feel different from the other kids"?

Doodlestuff

Just to comment, but in general, men do not search for their birthparents.

My son is just happy he is not biologically related to his also adopted sibling. He never searched. Only occasionally asks questions, although he is having issues completely unrelated to being adopted, not to mention loyalty issues. He celebrates his own adoption day privately with his family.

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