Abortion in adoption.?

sweetjane

Hi Rachel.

Since you have decided that you want this child, and since she has 'gotten pregnant for you and your husband to have a child,' I would say that you should support her decisions, but tell her often that this is the child she created and this is the only child that you will consider adopting from her.
I think you seem to be learning a bit in this forum....but I truly hope that if she chooses to end this pregnancy for any reason, that you will seek out more ethical adoption routes. Since this route has already been taken, you need to be clear and firm that this is the only child that you are considering adopting from her...and that if she chooses to abort, you will adopt through foster care (like you should have done from the start). It is and should be her choice, but it sounds like this woman is dying to please you in every one of your posts....including this one. She wants a 'do over' not for herself, but so you can have a 'perfect' baby. Obviously, there are some serious issues here....some that you need to think about long and hard....but, in the meantime, you need to make sure you don't allow her to please you at the cost of herself and her child. Take care
ETA: Ooh, didn't mean my quotes as rude....just as something I remember you saying in another post. So, that was a lie then...that she got pregnant 'for you'? Honestly, it sounds like this was an 'accidental' pregnancy that she initially tried to play off.....for sympathy, for praise, for help with bills, who knows. Now, I don't think she wants to go through with it, and is looking for a way out. I am assuming that you actually have evidence of her being legitimately pregnant, right? I mean, not her telling you, but something more tangible and valid. I don't know why, but I just feel all sorts of red flags about this....now that you have spent a good deal of money on her. Either she isn't pregnant or she doesn't want to be pregnant any longer/wants out of her deal with you....that's what it sounds like to me. I guess you will know for sure in a week.

Gaia Raain II

Wait...wait...hold on. So, she isn't specifically having THIS baby for you, but if she decides to abort HER child, she's going to then turn around and get pregnant again just for you? You said:

"she wants to abort and start over with a healthy baby."

If SHE doesn't want any more kids, what is she wanting to start over with a "healthy" baby for?

I have to be honest, you seriously creep me out. This woman feels she owes you her flesh and blood. Yeah, if you have a single moral bone in your creepy body, run fast and far. Her babies don't belong to you. Her body isn't your Nordstrom's. This is sick and wrong on so many levels.

Laurel J

It's up to her. Hang tight and wait. Don't try to influence her in any way.

Sofiakat

Heya,
This sounds like a difficult situation for all involved, including both of your aunts children. So she lied. She lied about her motives for this pregnancy. Whether she was telling the truth or not, this baby was always hers to begin with. She seems to have a very cavalier attitude toward babies that are still in her body. She seems to view herself as a "breeder". How sad.
i am glad that you are standing behind whatever desision she will make.
She sounds like she is not in the right mind set to make a choice about adoption. She needs help. Help her get the help she needs. Help her find a councellor that has no investment in the baby she carries. Be very clear that you will not participate if she chooses to purposely get pregnant for you after aborting the current baby growing in her belly.
Yes, making a "deal" with your aunt was probably not a good idea in the first place, but you did, and now you left with this situation. Make the best of it by supporting her in her choice and by perhaps even paying for therapy for her.
I am a bit concerned for her other child though if she is doing drugs currently.

â™¥Charlie loves Lucasâ™¥

Ok this is an awkward situation.
I would advise you to not continue with adoption from this woman

DevonChaos

You need to leave her alone and walk away. You don't want to influence her in any way at this point. She needs to do what she thinks is right, no matter what your opinions are. Don't talk to her about it until she has come to a firm decision. I mean, don't talk to her about anything. Baby talk will be too tempting. She needs time on her own to soul search the answer to this.
After hearing all your questions on this woman, I must say... You have been way too involved with this as is. She is carrying her own baby. It may never be yours, but you certainly have no right to say or do anything at this point. I thought she was off drugs? She's raising a baby while still doing drugs? This woman needs help, and fast. She doesn't need it from you though. Seriously, leave her alone. She will resent/blame you for the decision if you get involved, and these decisions effect more than one life. You don't belong there.

ETA: After re-reading your other questions, I'm really, REALLY suspicious of you and your behavior with this woman. I honestly feel you are taking advantage of the situation. Plus, things don't add up. You say she's off drugs and doing great... then you say she's on drugs when she conceived this baby... but she's a "great" mother to the two year old... or is it a three year old? You've said both. I really can't follow, and I'm tired of trying, really. You aren't coming off as a responsible mature person.
I'm not sure you are ready to parent at all.

Dan B.

what else do you need to realize this is not meant to be, man?

tish_part deux

this is text-book passive aggression. she's telling you that she is not down with this.

walk away. leave her alone.

be well.

Independ"ant"

Walk away.

Maybe she just realized that she doesn't want to go along with this deal you guys made. Keep in mind if she doesn't abort....she may still change after giving birth. She doesn't owe you guys anything and it would be manipulative for you to be standing over her shoulder grieving over your lost opportunity.

sizesmith

Our son was born meth addicted, and didn't suffer as much as I thought he would at all. At 15 months, he's thriving. He was born premature, and did go through withdrawal, however, he shows above level cognitive and mental skills.

His mother also did drugs at the conception time, until she found out she was pregnant.

a_fewless

That is wrong and you should not have to deal with that. If you have already started proceedings then you may be able to fight it. I also know that if she has quit doing drugs and she only did it in the beginning there is a chance that the baby will be fine. Try not to stress to much and do what you can to convince her that the baby will have a good life with you.

Temperance

Wait, so are you buying a baby or what? I don't get it. Why would she want to make a perfect baby for you? Are you paying her or something? Clarification please.

ETA:

Okay, so you are paying her 5000, that sounds like buying but whatever. Why don't you tell her you want a child no matter how messed up they might be. If she refuses take your 5000 and adopt of of the foster care. This story is still confusing, but that just might be my screwed up brain speaking so...

ETA:

Okay, gotcha. Then if she doesn't accept that then she might be a tad delusional. Why won't she like give you the baby instead of having another perfect one? This seems odd and fishy, I'd get my baby elsewhere if I were you.

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