Abortion vs. adoption...?

(:Dusty:)

Very great points. Abortion is so wrong though. Adoption is giving the unborn child a chance to live.

gypsywinter

Talk to me JonnyS..when your male body becomes pregnant..then we can have a REAL discussion on abortion and adoption! I am so sick of hearing these anti-abortion rants...especially in relation to adoption and even moreso coming from males. The extreme Anti-Abortionists work hand in hand with the Adoption Industry...Says I!

I lost a newborn to adoption and later would have an abortion..Guess which one I 'moved on' from and guess which one I did not!

cantstopLinnyG

Yawn.
What I don't get is how the anti-choice zealots want to save EVERY baby from abortion EXCEPT the child of a rapist. I mean seriously, again, your logic is so flawed. Wouldn't the people you think deserve to have a child want ANY baby?

Not everyone believes a mass of cells is a baby. Abortion is the choice to terminate a pregnancy. Adoption terminates parental rights. You cannot parent, or adopt a mass of cells.

I find it hilarious that every post that starts off with "....Okay, so I've read people saying adoption is....." is usually a rant, and usually written by someone who is NOT an adoptee, has NO idea of what we feel, yet feels the need to tell us how we should feel. You do not want anyone's opinions if they differ from yours, as you have answered your own "question/rant" in your own "question/rant".

Again- it is NOT the responsibility for fertile women to provide barren women with babies. It is our legal right to terminate a pregnancy, no matter WHAT the reason. Also, women who chose to terminate a pregnancy would never opt for adoption. Its fact.

The fact that you say "any emotional scarring it may do is irrelevant" speaks volumes, and is spoken like other trolls who come here who have no clue as to how adoption can and does affect a child.

It's people like you who should NOT ever be permitted to adopt a child. There are ap's here who will tell you that parenting an adopted child is different than parenting a bio child. Their emotional scarring is REAL, and needs to be addressed, and to NOT do so is child abuse.

YOU are the reason we come here day, after day, after day, and tell people how adoption will most likely affect adoptees. Ap's need to know the special emotional needs of adopted children, f Moms need to know how surrendering a child will affect them, and adoptees need to know that it's OK to love all four of their parents.

We come here to educate and try to change the system, to make adoption rare and ETHICAL. We don't come here to discuss abortion because it is separate from adoption. but unfortunately, some dolt always brings it up...not because they are curious, but because they have an agenda.

If you want to try and save babies, get out your crayons, make a sign and annoy people at your local abortion clinic. You will probably get the same response there, too. Meaning, "Get over yourself"

Harriet

People do benefit from abortion. I don't get why you think terminating existence - before the person is even aware of it - is worse than just creating new people and shoving them off to other people which may or may turn out good. I don't think one is better than the other, they're completely different, and not necessarily alternatives in my eyes. Anyway, I think it should be up to the woman.

BTW most women I've heard from who have both had an abortion and given a child up for adoption say the second one is harder.

Also, I don't agree with "alive beats dead". It's not that simple. I guess we just have different views, you think life is the most important thing ever, I don't.

And why is it okay in the case of rape? Isn't that a life and a potential child too? Or if it's a child of rape would you assume in that case dead is better than alive? Or just that you view a pregnancy as a punishment and only irresponsible women should have to go through that?

Harriet

Philippa

I am pro-life so when I knew I was pregnant - result of long term relationship that had broken up - my choice was to parent as I knew straight away that I wanted to raise my child. Adoption never entered my mind and it was my parents who forced the issue. I never actually agreed to it, never knew my rights, didn't see any paperwork, was constantly lied too and it is questionable whether I signed the Consent to Relinquish form.

In 2004 I found my son, he had been searching for me since he was 18. It didn't take me long to work out he has major issues with adoption despite having a good upbringing and being loved by his adoptive parents. I also have suffered because my son was adopted - depression and PTSD - which will never go away and I have just learnt how to deal with it.

At times I wish I had had an abortion instead of two people suffering (me and son) because of adoption. The thing that keeps me going as much as anything is the fact that we do have a good relationship.

Independ"ant"

Don't agree with abortion...don't have one.

Note!.....The women/girls getting abortions don't care what you or your kind think. Accept it.

Join a cause that's beneficial to society instead of being a pesky annoyance.

Gaia Raain II

First let me say that I have a difficult time with abortion, too. I have really softened in my views in recent years, and above all else I recognize that I can't possibly know what's best for another woman...but for me and my body, abortion would be a last resort, and probably only if absolutely necessary.

However, that's where our views split. The choice is not between abortion and adoption. A woman who is making a choice about whether or not to have an abortion CANNOT give her child up for adoption, because there IS no child yet...she's still pregnant. She must first make a choice about whether or not to carry to term. Then, once that decision is made and she has given birth, she can decide whether to PARENT or give the child up for adoption.

The idea that life is better than death is a western concept. In some other cultures, that concept would be difficult to grasp. I read a story once written by a traveler in another country. She was walking along the edge of a river when a baby fell in the water. No one saved the baby. This would be unfathomable in America, but in this culture, it would be unacceptable to save another's life. The reason for that is that it is better (in their belief system) to not exist, than to live your entire life indebted to another. This is the situation we create when we tell adoptees they should be grateful they weren't aborted (which is your basic message here). You're telling a whole bunch of people, who are no different than you and I, that they must live out their entire lives indebted to another for a choice they had no say in.

No one is saying they'd rather be dead. What they're saying is that being "saved" isn't all it's cracked up to be. Each person (and that includes women who have decided to carry their pregnancies to term) should be responsible for their own choices. Their resulting children should NOT carry the burden of their mother's choice throughout life, and be "grateful" for a life they had nothing to do with creating.

No one is saying that anyone benefits from abortion. But remember, not everyone benefits from adoption, either. In fact, the only people who recieve something via adoption that they didn't already have are the people paying for the priviledge of raising someone else's child. The child already had parents...the natural parents had a child. There is no substitute for DNA.

Also, let's remember that not all adoptive homes are loving. It's a crap shoot at best. The only way for a natural parent to assure their child a "better life" is to parent and CREATE that better life they want for their child. Often, natural parents find their lost children years after the fact only to learn that the "better life" they thought their child was getting was in fact not even on par with what the natural parents themselves could have provided. There are a few regulars on this board whose adoptive parents even abused them.

Poor people are not necessarily bad parents. My parents were poor. They were also bad parents. But they were not bad parents BECAUSE they were poor. Money had nothing to do with it...in fact, it was the other way around: they were poor BECAUSE they were bad parents. They could have had a decent middle-class life (they both had decent paying jobs...my parents were each making more than I am NOW when I was a young child). But instead, they spent the majority of their money on drugs. Their bad parenting made us poor...not the other way around.

There are many poor parents who are far better at parenting than some rich parents. It is not acceptable to punish people for being poor by removing their children from their care. Children still need their parents. We should be helping people to parent their children properly, not punishing them for being poor.

I hear you about the killing the 5 year old scenario. Unfortunately, it looks to me like you're purposely misconstruing the message that's being sent here. No one is saying that 5 year olds should be killed because their mother needs financial assistance. They're saying we should give the mother that financial assistance! Stands to reason, right?

"Is an abortion not essentially giving the child up to death?" These two don't equate at all. When your child is adopted, you KNOW they are out there somewhere, alive, being raised by strangers. You can't get to them. You can't know if they're ok. You can't know if their parents are abusive or if they're lying to them about their heritage, or if they're cruel to them about their adoption. I've never experienced either abortion or adoption, so I will not venture a guess as to which one is worse. But from anecdotal evidence, I'm getting the drift that having lost a child to adoption tends to be worse to live with.

"If it's the "somebody didn't want me" thought, the topic needs explained through a more optimistic approach, like "somebody actually chose you" You can pretty it up all you like. It doesn't change the reality. An infant is not able to understand the reason they were separated from their mother. The only thing they understand is the abandonment. You go right on ahead and try telling this story to an infant. Let us know how that works for ya. An adult may be able to understand the words, but that does not make the initial trauma/abandonment disappear. It is an unfixable part of the psyche. Some adults don't feel it, but it is there nevertheless.

"And anyway, any emtional scarring it may do is irrelevant." My grandmother hung herself about 8 years back. Are you going to tell me that the emotional scars I bear from that are "irrelevant"? If you wouldn't say that to me, why would you say that to another person who has lost a loved one? How cruel and insensitive of you.

I know many adoptees who are unhappy about adoption in general, but who fit the description of a "happy person" in all other areas of life. There are things we all dislike, but we're not called "clinically depressed" because we dislike who's currently in office or being a rape survivor (for example). Why would you label any person "clinically depressed" because they have ONE area of their life they have an issue with?

I wrote this as I read. Now that I've gotten down to the bottom of your rant, I'm seeing that you probably aren't going to read this anyway, judging by your aweful attitude. Oh well. Maybe some others will choose to read and learn rather than lashing out at people who are here sharing their truths in an effort to HELP children.

sunny

"Now for the childs perspective. Alive beats dead."

You are an adopted child, eh? Should I, as a straight woman start speaking for gay men? Stop speaking for me, please.

If I had been an abortion (not possible, pre Roe v. Wade era) I wouldn't KNOW the DIFFERENCE, a la 'perspective', now would I?

And in the words of my wonderful natural mother, "At least ONE of us could have had a decent life!"

I couldn't agree more.

Capice?

murphycat

I am a woman who was adopted as a baby and from my perspective I would say adoption is the best but then I had a happy childhood with parents who love me and always made sure I knew I was so wanted. I am not emotionally scarred by being adopted, just glad that my birth mother did not go down the abortion route. Having said that I have tried to find my birth mother just because I needed to know she was ok, sadly she had died before I managed to trace her.

Ofcourse from the pregnant womans perspective abortion may be the only option that she can see, though I don't agree with abortion I would not presume to judge.

kateiskate

What's harder for mothers?

Closure?

Or wondering every day where your child is, if they are safe, if they are loved, if they are cared for properly, if they are happy, if they are growing fast, etc.

The latter sounds much more devastating. Closure would be a relief to me.

Not Adopted

There's a simple answer to this: no woman is obligated to give another woman a baby.

'Insert name here'

Of course adoption is always better, and in the best interest of the child can be an amazing thing. When i hear people say that they are against adoption i laugh, how is it better for a child to stay in an institution (my boys were adopted from a russian orphanage and would've stayed there until 16/18 and then faced a possible life of depression and poverty, so statistics in russia say) Im not saying adoptee's should be grateful but how can there be any contest between a life in an orphanage or a life in a loving family??

Veronica

Most people here would probably tell you to go with abortion, because to them, adoption is SUCH a horrible option. Any parent wanting to adopt is a horrible human being according to many people here. I think they'd rather see the child go through an abortion than be adopted.

A lot of people here are SO BITTER about being adopted. It's almost as if they are not happy that someone actually chose to love them. Some of them are even 45 years old and still complaining, even though they are married and have families. Everyone in life suffers traumatic events. Think of rape victims, war veterans, those who lost a loved one, those who were born with disabilities...and a lot of them DO NOT feel sorry for themselves.

I'm with you, man. I'm with you all the way. People need to get over certain issues and just learn to enjoy life.

For me, I would adopt a child instead of watching it end up as fetal waste.

PeanutButterAndJelly

Adoption.

RojoCheeks

Kudos to Veronica- great post!

Personally if I were adopted, I would love to know that I grew up in a loving home by parents who chose me, even though my mom gave me up for whatever reasons. I would be GRATEFUL to have been adopted.

If I had gotten pregnant at 16, I would have had an abortion. I can't imagine the shame my parents and family would feel, seeing their little girl "knocked up". How would I raise a child at 16? Welfare? It's insane to ask the government to fund the baby I made out of stupidity. Asking my parents to help me raise my child would be incredibly selfish.

If I had been raped, I would have an abortion. What would I tell my child about his father? He's a rapist? I would rather see an unborn cluster of cells go down the tube than to tell my child he was a product of rape. How could you look into the eyes of your child and look back on the way he was conceived?

The mothers that choose to give their children up, for whatever reasons, are incredibly brave. I have worked with young women who had to make this hard decision and it breaks your heart to see them give up a child they carried for 9 months, but its for a greater good.

Abortion is ridding the body of a growing cell mass. Child birth and rearing is not for everyone.

<3

I agree almost completely with your view. You make great points and the whole thing makes sense. My only disagreement is that abortion is wrong no matter what the case be it rape or not, but as that is not the topic I am not getting into that.
Great writing, you should be a writer or a journalist or advice columnist or something.

MsBird

Alive does beat dead. I had a hard childhood, but that doesn't mean I wish my mother would have killed me to spare me from it.

Life is hard for everyone, should we just execute those who suffer more to prevent more suffering? If I loose my job and have trouble supporting my kids, should I drown them in my bathtub? Gimme a break, abortion is just a easy way out for weakminded people.

And rape is no different. Lemme ask...who is the more evil person- someone who raped somebody or someone who kills their own child because they didn't like the kids father?

I don't like my 8 yr old daughter's father, should I kill her? I mean he did leave me traumatized after all.

And for those who hate their lives and wish their parents would have killed them....nobody is stopping you from doing what you wish they would have. If you are still alive then there must be a reason you chose not to end it Derrrr

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