About adoption?

MamaKate

Allie,

You are a long way from making this decision and there are so many things that can happen between now and then! You may develop the desire to pass on your genes, you may find that you are in love with a partner who would rather have biological children or even come with their own, you may be placed in a position where you can provide kinship care, you could decide children are not for you, you may decide there are other options for you as you get further down the road; but in any case, it is a good thing that you are thinking about your choices and trying to learn. I applaud your thoughtfulness and your concern for a child in need.

There is certianly a place for adoption, however there are many things you should learn about if this is the route YOU want to take.

While you seem to have thought about this some - enough to know what you want before you take on a child, I think what others are trying to point out to you is that while adoption seems like a sweet and dreamy thing - especially the way it is generally presented, there are many complex issues about and within adoption that you should consider if you truly wish to parent through adoption.

No right-minded person would encourage you to adopt without first educating yourself about adoption. (Your question implies that you have not been made aware of all that adoption entails.) You are doing the right things by asking questions and planning ahead! Hang around here and do some research into adoption issues to decide for YOURSELF what is the best kind of adoption for you and how you can be the best possible parent you can be for your child. You may find that foster care adoption is right for you or that you would be more at home with an open situation.

Adoptive parenting is different and comes with its own set of challenges. Every adoption is different and no one else's experience will be exactly like yours. International, inter-racial, oldr child, foster care, special needs - each kind of adoption presents unique challenges for both parents and children.

You should take some time to think about your motivations to adopt and how your child may feel. Listen to adoptees and learn from parents both adoptive and natural for a while and then you will be able to make this decision for yourself and your family in an educated and ethical manner when the time comes.

In the meantime, why not also spend some time with children and hone your parenting skills. Volunteer as a Big Sister, mentor, spend some time at the Boy & Girls Club, become GAL/CASA for abused and neglected children, read to children at your local library, etc. You will learn loads as well as make a real difference in a child's life.

However you choose to build your family, I hope it is a happy and healthy one. It sounds as if you have an open mind and a positive attitude and I think you are off to a good start at being a wonderful adoptive parent if it turns out to be right for you. Best wishes! :)

ETA: Anastasia, you crack me up! :)

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

i am adopted. i would never recommend it.

Lori A

China's adoption borders will have long been closed by the time you get there. But i'm sure there will still be some place you can adopt from. How about Foster Care in the U. S. A.
I hear they have lots of kids.

Zimbabwea Y

Well I've never adopted as I'm 13 haha but I am adopted.
My parents also have an adopted son too. And they would definitely recommend it. They went to Bogata, Colombia to adopt both me and my brother. They had to learn some Spanish to communicate with the people there. They adopted us at a little orphanage. I was three months and my brother was six months old when they adopted us. I hope this gave you some help.

freemailjunk

I have not adopted any children. I AM adopted.
I was told as a young child that I am a *CHOSEN BABY*. It was explained to me by my parents that a plain ordinary baby wasn't good enough. They wanted a >SPECIAL< baby, so they chose me and took me home to be their forever baby. Granted, they had their flaws, like everybody else on the planet, but I always was given the best education, the best care and the best opportunities. It doesn't matter what gender or national origin your child comes from. What matters is that you make sure your child feels loved and knows that s/he is indispensible to your family-that you couldn't live without him/her.

hesterthehester

The adoption landscape changes monthly. International Adoptions even more so. I admire that you want to grow your family through adoption, but 12-17 years is a LONG time.

Chill out, live life, and readdress the issue in 10 years.

-HtJ

Marie C

When I was a freshman in college (not much older than you), I read a book every day for a week when I was riding home on the subway. The book was called "They Came To Stay," and it was about a single woman who adopted two Asian children. The story inspired me, and I said to myself, "Someday, I'm going to do that too."

Nineteen years later, at age 37, I brought home my first daughter from China - an eight month old baby. She was (and is) a treasure, and I ended up adopting two more older, special needs children afterwards. It was an incredible experience all the way. I love my children profoundly, and would lay down my life for them.

If you want to do this, it is very possible that you WILL do it someday. At this moment in time, China no longer permits single parents to adopt. But by the time you are in your thirties, you may be married, or China may change their policies, or perhaps you will adopt from some other country. But I can tell you that your dream just might come true someday, and you will not be sorry!

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