Adopted a 16 yrs old girl?

â™¥â™¥Ritaâ™¥â™¥

Ohhhhhh she is playing you and your husband against each other. You both need to get on the same page or this could get incredibly hard on everyone.

She is establishing a sense of order, she is testing you, she will manipulate and play games.....hang in there, you will break through the nonsense but your husband and you need to communicate with each other and stand your ground with her.

That is my take on this and I want to commend you for adopting this young lady. Good luck and best wishes. :-)

Brriske .

Not only is she trying to find her place in the world but depending on when she was removed from her parents she probably bears a lot of resentment around thinking she could protect herself. She probably is feeling a little bit abandoned and that is something that you are going to have to realize is not your fault. I cannot help but feel like this kid is not able to just "talk" to you because she feels like all you are going to do is criticize her every move. I mean if your husband can see thatyou are being hard on her maybe you should examine the way you are handling her and get some education around other parenting techniques. What you see as laziness might be her trying to tell you that she does not feel loved and accepted and your words are doing more harm than good.

Cinnie

She's trying to figure out where she stands in the world. If she's doing something illegal or dangerous, by all means step in, otherwise let her learn her own lessons. If she's doing things "wrong" maybe approach her with a "this is how I do it, see if it works for you" attitude. As long as she gets it done, who cares how. If it's something you're picky about (I'm insanely picky about how my towels are folded) do it yourself and assign her a different chore. She's young and she's going to make a LOT of mistakes(A LOT), before she completely grows up, and there are some lessons kids just have to learn on their own. Be supportive and be there to help with damage control when she does screw up.

Owlwoman

Oh, boy. This conflict must stop now before it gets out of hand.

Do choose your battles and do not be too picky with her. I also suggest finding a family therapist so you have a 3rd party to help guide all of you. Best to you -

cole

She is a teenage girl. Do you remember what you were like at that age?

See if you can find the book 'Princess ***** face' it has helped me not to kill my daughter in her teenage years. Your job is twice as hard as she is already 16.

Your husband needs to support you as well otherwise she will play you off each other.

Try to take things slowly she will come around.

I'm sure you are a great mum.

kkeadle@sbcglobal.net

Stop trying so hard. She is 16, a teenager, and you should expect some resistance and some laziness. You are not going to make up 16 years of not having a mother in a few weeks or months. I f she has had to fend for herself for most of her life then she probably does know how to do most of the things you feel she needs to learn. Give her time let her do it her way maybe you will learn something new from her and her ways. Remember that there is no right or wrong way of doing things around the house etc. there may be your way and her way but try to find a compromise between the 2.

Carley *15* & MoM *26*

for adopted children of a teen age it is hard for them to build trust try not to push her to hard just let her do her own thing and tell your husband its important to let her make her own decisions and remind him that if he doesn't treat her like her age what affects it would have on her this way he will understand more try going on a short break/ shopping trip spend more time together as a family and let her know she is always loved and you will not let her down don't correct her let her learn by self experience this can annoy a child / teen and make them think every hing is rong that they do and it is very noticable try asking her how it makes her feel and try role play listen to her when she acts how you act and pick up on how it makes you feel don't immediately think that she is over acting chances are shes not this is how she sees you when you act this way towards her , make sure you talk to her about her feelings or write her a letter explaining your view on how shes acting
hope this helps x

Mother of Many

Ok this young lady is VERY smart! She is playing you and your husband against each other for sure. The two of you need to be on the same page. He cannot treat her like a 2 year old, thats called enableing her to be dependant. I agree with the other comments that with a 16yr old you have to pick your battles, and try to reword how your teaching her to do things the proper way. I think its best to give children 2 choices, and thats it! You can try it this way, or this way. You will get through this, its almost like when children 'play' their divorced parents against each other... good luck! !!!

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