Adoptee feeling torn and confused, Dont know what to do?

I met some of my birth family 3 years ago, my birth mother is mentally ill but is desperate to see me. I sent a letter to her & said maybe i could meet her later in the year, & my birth aunt rang up in a panic because they think it is a bad idea. My BM is very clingy and will be ringing me at all hours & knocking on the door all the time. I just feel so angry, i was really upset today when my birth aunt rang. I feel like everyone else is controlling my life, pulling me in different directions and I just want everyone to leave me alone. I have met three birth aunts and all three want me to move to where they live (they all live in different areas), they give me very generous gifts for christmas & my birthday. It's like it's a competition ,I just hate it, I've come to the point where I'm thinking i dont want to see or hear from them again until they can organise a meeting with my birth mother that will work. And if they cant i dont want anything to do with them. It just hurts too much!

Possum

YUCK YUCK YUCK.
No wonder you're feeling so torn.
What a mess.
Somehow - you're going to have to let them know that it can't go on like this.
Perhaps a letter written to all three - so they all get the same letter. (then they can't play games against each other - let them know that everyone is going to know everything - if you know what I mean)
Try to put some of your feelings down (this may need a few drafts - I'm thinking!) - and try to telll them that you are so torn between them all - and they need to take some of your needs into consideration also.
Easier said than done - I know - but I think it's the only way.
(at least on paper - you have more time to think - and re-write - etc.....whereas when it's a conversation - sometimes too many emotions get in the way)
I'm more than happy to read over anything you come up with - if you need some help.
Just email me thru my profile - and I'll get in touch with you.
(totally up to you)
I'm so so sorry that they're doing this to you.
Of course it hurts.
Happy to hear a vent anyday - if you feel the need.
Take care of you - that's what is most important here.
Hugz.

Lori A

Gently point out that although it is wonderful to finally be in touch with family members, the one you need to connect with the most is your mother. The gifts are nice but not neccessary, the best gift of all would be visiting with your mother. I'm clingy too sometimes. I try not to be but I have missed so much.

I agree with Possum, this might be best done in a letter.

hesterthehester

So tell them that. Exactly that, in those words. It's your life, and life is too short.

-HtJ

rachael

it sounds as if your aunts have a real concern for you and your life. but, you have been given the information about your mother and her condition. the choice is now yours as to how you want to procede.
i respect their acceptance of you and the concern they are showing but you are a grown up. and she is your mother.

maybe a gently explaination that when you started your quest for your family, it was her that you were thinking of. they were just a wonderful bonus that came with the deal.

it sounds as if you are truly loved, so it would be a shame to allow that to be tossed aside because they wont cooperate. but they must understand, she is the reason you are here. you came for her, and you are fully aware that your search was done ready to find even a less than perfect person at the other end.
best of luck to you. i hope they understand. i would hate to see all this end

nalapat42

Simply tell them were you stand,if they dint comply,then back away.It is your life your decision to make.dont totally cut them of just take a break for awhile and keep them at a distance.They will come to you sooner or later,then you can sit down with all of them in one spot and tell them this how it's going to be.You are an adult you set the ground rules in your life,dont let them play these games with you in the middle.Let them know you love them but if they truly want you around then they are going to have to stop acting like jealous children and compromise on some things.If they dint then stand your ground on what ever decision you make and dint tell them of your decision.I think that in this question you asked you also answered it at the same time.

sweet kacey

hey i know just how you feel. When i agreed to meet my bio family they wanted more from me than i was ready to give. Just remember this is about you and what you want to do. Just be honest and up front. They need to know that this is a big step for you and you need as much support and love to help you get thru it . If they cant give it then you go see your mom on your terms not theres. Best of luck.

IDK!!

mothers are supposed to be clingy, by nature.

I wouldn't mind my mother being clingy, infact I wish we were closer and I'm not adopted.

Your relationship with your mother is YOURS, to heck with what others think.

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