Adoptees - Do you wish that your APs had kept communication/contact with your first parents?
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Adoptees - Do you wish that your APs had kept communication/contact with your first parents?
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This is sort of a follow-up to Renee's question about her son's first mother.
(Obviously all of the following is provided that contact/meetings, etc. did not place you in physical danger)
Do you agree that it is the APs responsibility to facilitate continued contact and meetings with the first parents until you were old enough to decide for yourself what relationship you wanted to have? If your first mother/father was sort of distant at these meetings, would you want them to continue? (I realize that this is mostly hypothetical, as most adult adoptees had closed adoptions, and you can only sort of guess at what you would have wanted). Would knowing and feeling hurt be better than not knowing and feeling hurt?
I ask because I sort of see this as my second responsibility to my child. The first being to just be the best parent I can be to them, the second is that I do everything in my power to keep their first family in their life - to maintain those relationships until they ...
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can make their own decisions and maintain the relationships themselves. But is there a point that takes it too far? Or is that not my call to make?
What would you have wanted?
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cruzgirlz3
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Yes. I would have liked to have had the choice of a relationship. I would have liked history and information. At the time I was born this just wasn't done. I think today every child should have access to their history, and a choice. |
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L-train
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My adoptive mother and father were always open with me about my adoption and I knew my birth parents names and whereabouts but they never kept in touch with them.
I was fine with this. They always told me they would help my find them when I was ready.
When I was in h/s I had many adopted friends. It was strange that we all had that in common and one night we all set out to find our birth parents. I called 411 and looked up my mom and got her on the phone immediately. It was amazing! My adoptive parents always provided me with the info that I needed and I was able to find my biological mom on my own.
I don't really have a relationship with her. I talk to her now and then and she visits once a year but thats about it.
My adoptive parents are the best in the world. I am so thankful I was placed with them. |
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Lillie
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Hell, at the time of my adoption I wish it would have even been an option. If it was, then yes, definitely I would have wanted that.
I am glad times have changed and this IS an option, I just wish it was honored more, on BOTH sides. |
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Bambi
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I wish that I had known that I was adopted. I wish that my AP's (my aunt and uncle) had told me while growing up that I was adopted. When I found out (I was 17 almost 18) and it hurt me so much. Just the fact that I didn't know and the fact that my AP's tried to keep it a secret from me.
I still don't know my story behind my adoption. All that I know is that my Bio-mom was 14 and too you to raise me so they adopted me from birth-on.
I can't get them to tell me anything else. I am now 18 and I wish that I knew everything! |
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Carnie C
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nope. I liked my closed adoption. no question about it. |
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