Adoptees & First or Birth Parents: Would you ever adopt? If so, what would you do differently?

wispyspal

I was adopted by a two-parent family and would do the same in a heartbeat. I would not do anything differently as my adoptive parents, both deceased, did their level best to make me aware of my biological family. I would not however, right now adopt even a relative's child as I am a widow and I believe children belong in two parent families.

mommy2squee

I'm an adult adoptee, and so is my husband. We adopted our son.
We maintain an open relationship with his mother, and made certain to get copies of his OBC before it sealed, so that if he ever wants it, it will be available to him.

We talk about adoption, about why he was placed, and about the feelings he has - something my parents never did. But we don't make his whole life about the adoption.

Fritz T.

I was adopted and would change the adoption laws so that we could find our birth parents. I would like my child's birth parents to have some part of their lives.

Hazel

I was adopted out of a teenage pregnancy- I really wanted to know my biological mom and dad when I reached highschool age, but my adoptive parents thought that I should meet them when I was "more mature". I would definitely let my adopted child meet their parents when they felt the need to.

When it comes right down to it, I don't feel that it's really the adoptive parents choice, unless the biological parents are into drugs or other seriously destructive behavior.

MauaoLady

Adoption is a regular practice in my culture. The baby will usually go to close related family. Sometimes the mother or father opt to adopt the baby outside of the family.
When adopted within the family, that baby will grow up knowing that 'mum and dad' are really 'nana and grandpa' or 'aunty and uncle'.
A relationship between adoptee and birth parent/s are encouraged but not forced.
If the baby is brought up outside the family, then the family who adopted the baby make the decision on whether to continue a relationship with the birth parent/s or not.

In my culture adoption is a time honoured practice, it is done openly and with love for all involved. Yes, there are exceptions, nothing is perfect. But the way we do it is much more preferable to the 'behind closed doors, shrouded in secrecy' way of old.

Lori A

I obviously didn't feel the need to adopt or I would have done so.

sunny

I was raised by someone else's parents, I have NO interest in raising other people's children.

I wanted to experience an INTACT family, not one assembled by an agency.

It's better when designed by nature.

Lillie

I was adopted at birth, and no, Kempy, I was not "saved" from anything, my n-parents were perfectly fine and fit, and in fact got married 6 months later. So save your self righteous preaching for somebody else.

I will NEVER adopt either. If my teenage relative became pregnant I would do everything I could to help her keep her baby, I would encourage and support her, not belittle her. If a relative died and I was the only one who could care for their children, then I would TAKE THEM IN, but NEVER adopt them, that would cause their original parents to be wiped from their history and sealed away like some shameful secret. Why would I do that? They had parents, they don't need new ones, they just need someone to love and care for them until they can care for themselves. I would gladly do that for them, and I don't need to be called "mom" to do that.

grapesgum

No, never. I do help low income families to protect themselves from the adoption industry and CPS vultures by supporting a residence for teen parents and their babies. It includes a day-care center and free medical care for low income families in the area. If a family member were unable to care for a child, I would (and have) helped financially or a guardianship.

ETA - Jaysus help me here - I am in my brother's and sister's wills as the GUARDIAN of their children if they and their spouses were to die - not their adoptress. Adoption would be very disrespectful to my sister's and brother's parentage and would strip my niece's and newphew's of their birth identity. How would the other half of the children's family feel if I adopted their grandchildren and wiped out the other half of the children's heritage?

Stinky Pete

I would never ever ever put another woman through the pain I have felt. The only way I would adopt is if a family member died and I had the choice of adopting their kids or letting them go to foster care. And I would only do that under protest. I would take guardianship of aa child if needed but adoption is not something I would willingly do.

kidmindi

Yes. I am an adopted child and I adopted my step daughter.

What would I do differently? Well first and most importantly is that my daughter will ALWAYS know she is adopted. My Aparents hid my adoption form me and I found out by accident.

Secondly I am trying my hardest to keep my daughter's birth mother in her life. She had disapeared for several months but just the other day I e mailed her on myspace and she responded. We have talked on the phone twice and I have explained to her the importance of her staying in contact. I hope she will and I will make it as easy as possible for her to, but ultimately the decision is hers.

Thirdly, I will celebrate the way my daughter became my daughter. It will not be a dirty little secret to be kept. On her adoption anniversary we will go out just mom and daughter and have lunch and shop and I will tell her, age appropriately why she was adopted and how it came to be and why I am glad I adopted her. She can then ask questions, make comments, discuss her feelings or whatever.

Would I adopt again? Probably not since I have a total of 6 kids, but if life were to present me with a child in need of a home, and I was in the position to provide it, I would consider it.

PhilM

I would never... EVER... adopt a child and put him or her through this.

Ever.

ETA: I would NOT adopt my sibling's children. I would happily take them in, provide them a home and love. And I would let them keep their identity. I would provide for them without pretending they were MY children.

Rowan

i'm adopted. If i adopted a child, i wouldn't change a thing. I was raised by two wonderful people.

Mei-Ling

I cannot visualize myself lending a hand in the separation of a mother and child if it could have been prevented.

I've seen a lot of people say "What's wrong with adoption?"

Yet when the question "Would YOU want to be adopted?", many of the answers said "No."

Nothing's "wrong" with adoption yet no one on here would deliberately want to be separated from their family that they have, correct?

Does anyone else see the irony in this?

Andraya

I don't even like babysitting other people's kids so there is zero chance of me wanting to raise them. Sure if one of my many siblings up and died tomorrow I would take the kids, same thing goes for my adad and step mom since they are older and have teenage daughters but there is no way I would adopt any of those kids. I would willingly take custody but I feel no need to alter a child's identity to make myself feel like a saint or saviour.

AdoreHim

I was adopted and have 2 adopted children. The way that I raised my children, was not different, because I was adopted, it was just a bit different, because my children were different than me, and I am different than my parents. This would be the same way if the 3 of us were raised by our biological parents.

And for those who say that you would never adopt, what if you desired children so much and were unable to have children, would you just give up? Statements like that almost make abortion sound like a better idea. I hope that this is not the case.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

i would NEVER adopt. i am completely against it.

if someone croaked and left me their kids, i would do guardianship. i would never adopt them, bc i would never condone wiping out someones history in the eyes of the law.

Apple

I am planning to adopt. I am an adopted and abused kid, so I would not abuse my children, EVEN IF THEY ARE MY OWN. I would tell them from young that they are adopted.

Felicita1

I'm a natural mother, not a "birth mother" as i certainly am not an ex-mother, but i'll answer your question anyway.

I would never adopt as I view the entire process as unethical. Beginning usually with a mother losing her child to coercion (which includes financial coercion a.k.a. human rights abuse a.k.a. poverty) and ending with falsified birth records (it is a felony offense to falsify a government document -- so why do we permit it for adoption to appease the wishes of adoptive parents?).

I would readily assume permanent legal guardianship of a child if necessary if that child requires a home, as it does not mean a falsified birth record. but, no, not adoption. i don't believe in falsifying someone's genealogy and connection to the human race. If i didn't give birth a child, i want no legal fiction created stating that I did.

also, as a mother i know who calls herself "Adoption Roadkill" once stated, if adoption is so great, which of your children would you like to surrender?

p.s. as I adopted-back my son, does that make me a first and third mother?

myst1998

I would NEVER adopt, NEVER. I have been asked if I would and I said to that mother no, you are her mother you raise her. I don't believe in adoption. It is fundamentally bad.

magic pointe shoes

"First or Birth Parents: Would you ever adopt?"

Hell no. I feel compelled to put my time, effort, and money into family preservation and attempting to bring real change against the reasons families consider abandonment and relinquishment as being necessary.

"If so, what would you do differently?"

If hell froze over and I did adopt, it wouldn't be adoption but guardianship. I would not erase a legal document showing biological history in favor of another document that lies about the relationship I would hold with that child.

"If you were a birth parent and adopted a child, what would you do differently in raising the child? "

Again, if hell froze over, I would raise said child honestly with respect towards who and where that child came from.

"What would you do to help out your child's first family?"

Not adopt their child and leave them to suffer on their own... that's for darn sure.

Edit to add in reply to the other question posed:
"what if you desired children so much and were unable to have children, would you just give up? "

Yes, and how tragic would it be to not only lose the only child I relinquished for adoption and also not be able to have children. I would not adopt a child to satisfy that need. Again I refer to the above in where my time, energy and money are best put to use.

kempy

i was adopted. and yes i will adopt if i get married, some children need help due to parents (underage, depression, school). and helping this child could mean a baby dying (malnourishment, abortion) and it puts light in both persons heart. all of you who were adopted at birth (like me) know that your adoptive parents saved you and gave you a much better life.

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