Adoptees: Have you found your natural parents and found out that they hate you?

Heather B

No. My mother loves me and always has.

Sorry yours was a nutjob. That explains your own hateful answers to other people.

Lovely

Im......speechless.

thats so cruel.

chani

Wow.thats very messed up,

Theresa

Oh Jennifer, I'm so sorry, that sounds horrible.

My mother doesn't hate me but she is not interested in knowing me. She says her life is full and she doesn't want to upset "her family" It's very painful.

We go into search with such hope and fear. I kept the fear at bay with statistics that it's a rare mother who rejects her lost child. And then to have that hope killed by falling into that minority.

The sadness can be suffocating at times.

I love this poem about this situation by the incredible Celeste Billhartz. I don't know if you like poetry, but this one has always spoken to me:

http://www.themothersproject.com/Just_My_Opinon/lost.html

I'll second the suggestion to come to adultadoptees

cvd4311

NO, and I hope to god no one else is too. Sounds like your birth mom needs to be in a loony bin. Don't take what she says to heart and be glad she did give you up because it sounds like you would have had a horrible childhood. I would stay away from her because it sounds like she just doesn't care and negative feelings tend to grow more and more. Hold your head up high and some parents are not meant to be parents at all.

Independ"ant"

Obviously your mother has psychological problems from a trauma. Im surprised someone that would talk like that isn't in a hospital for treatment. Usually its the lousy foster parents that talk like that to children not natural mothers.

I would suggest focusing on what happened to her that would make her say such horrible things and not the words themselves.

I have met girls in Guatemala that would prefer not to reunite because they were repeatedly raped throughout their adolescence so someone could sell the babies to agencies for US/Canadian infertile citizens.

Unfortunately, these girls will never heal from that kind of abuse.

Kelly M

yep. i feel ya. i'm in the same boat.

ashley w

I am so sorry, she obviously have problems! thanks for sharing your story!!! I have a nine month old baby girl and her father wants nothing to do with her...he has only given me $45 toltal and when he did that he said "i'll just assume it going to waste because its money I could have used on my son" I have spent many days wondering how my little everything can mean NOTHING to him. How can he have so much love for his son & nothing for her? He even told me that he has no more room in his heart. Now time has gone by and I dont cry over it, it has made me stronger! I hope my baby wont be hurt by him when she is older!

Take care
-Ashley

Mei-Ling

Ouch.

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

I highly recommend going to this forum http://adultadoptees.org/forum

You will find tons of support there.

me-wa

she sounds like a very very selfish woman. I am so glad for you that you got a chance to grow up without knowing her.

Crucio

OMG I am so sorry how very harsh of her to say that. Try to concentrate on the positives in your life.

Santa's Lil' Helper

My heart goes out to you.....I can not imagine.
Jennifer , please consider that your moms erratic behavior may have more to do with suffering from a mental illness than from actually hating you. There is nothing wrong with you....the problems are hers.
I hope you have people around you that can help you through this difficult time.

Mei-Ling suggested a forum....please look there or in your area for support groups for adoptees.

Pat Brown

First of all, do not take your birth mother's words personally.. She does not know you and therefore she cannot really hate you in any meaningful sense.

Your mother's words and behavior tell me that she experienced trauma around her pregnancy and childbirth. These experiences remain intensely alive in her memory ---sadly, it sounds as if she has found no healing for her pain after all these years.

She never felt she wanted to be a mother. Let us be thankful that you came into this life, found adoptive parents to help you grow up, and hopefully have some of the tools you need to make a rich and full life for yourself.

DON'T take this personally. She would have said and felt the same about anyone who approached her as you did.

Penny A (Vanessa)

I think your birth mother is mentally ill. Nobody in their right mind would ever think that - let alone say it.

Mia - How do you know this happens a lot? Would you please tell me who else it has happened to? I'd be curious to know.

Annabelle

She is clearly mentally ill and doesnt know what she is saying. Please try not to take it to heart!

=] M.I.A. [=

Hunny, I'm so sorry. No one deserves that. But unfortunately, that can happen a lot. Your mom may feel bad that she had to give you up, or doesn't want to admit that she couldn't take care of you... But hold your head up. You made it this far without her. And, she may be your mother, but she isn't your mommy. Your adoptive mother is your mommy. And, if I were you, I would still stay away, but let her know your still there. Give her a christmas and birthday present, etc.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: