Adoptees-How many of you have or might adopt?

almost human

I try to pass on my unique perspective by participating in this open forum, not by perpetuating what was done to me. I am glad that I am no longer fatalistic about the hand I was dealt with. I am glad to finally be questioning what adoption really is.

It revealed itself when I had children of my own. It revealed more of itself when my parents passed away. It reveals itself in new color and depth as I begin something I had no desire to ever do - search for my birth family. It seems to have waited until my hair turned gray; It seems to have taken that long to process and acknowledge.

What Iâ€™m finding is that adoption is a misguided solution. It treats the symptoms of societyâ€™s problems without addressing the root causes: The thinking that by distributing orphans amongst the many who want children, the problems will be cleaned up does not work. The problems will continue to come. The orphanages will just be filled with new results of the same old problems, because the problems are systemic and cultural. But people who want babies arenâ€™t concerned with fixing the system or with the next generation of orphans. This myopic vision, so attractive in its personal rewards, contributes to the neglect of fixing the system, because as long as people are there to relieve the system of its excess pressure, they negate the need for fixing anything. This is why I am against saving children through adoption. Instead of catching one falling child of many, I would rather those that want to save children work together on a safety net for all the children. The focus should be on eliminating the need for orphanages, while at the same time reforming the system by improving social services to women and families, and creating an exit strategy to truly empty the orphanages.

Today I am glad I did not pursue adoption. Just like I try to not to purchase items made in sweatshops. I realize not all of the workers are exploited. I realize my boycott does not directly improve anyoneâ€™s life and that my boycott could mean loss of jobs for a few. But it sends a clear message that exploitation is unacceptable and that markets will disappear if unethical practices are allowed to proliferate unchecked. Public awareness and pressure successfully causes systems to adjust. For example, Walmart will not suffer another Kathy Lee scandal. Walmart has just announced it will only purchase products from green factories. I would rather do without the enjoyment of certain items I want, than to know I had a hand in the viability of a system that perpetuates exploitation. So-called orphans are the by-product of systems which prey on the disenfranchised and cultures which donâ€™t support and disrespect women. By providing help to families in crisis, we eliminate the need for orphanages. By increasing opportunities and social services to women, we increase their chance to succeed - and when women are successful, unwanted pregnancies and relinquishment are reduced. Changing systems is slow and painful work, but I would rather prevent tragedies than clean up the aftermath.

Sponsor a child and their family. Become a big brother/big sisters. Be a mentor and support an at-risk single mom. Mentor a foster kid. Tutor at risk students. Work to preserve families. Work on adoption reform. Adoption would not be necessary if mothers had hope and opportunities.

Randy B

I was adopted and adopted two as well. We've acted as foster parents as well although we currently don't have a placement due to our last adoption.

gibberish

Perhaps someday I will adopt an older child. I would love to share my happy home with another however for the moment I am busy with the child whom I gave birth to.

beentheredonethat

I am an adoptee who has adopted. Fully able to have bio kids (and I did as well) but just felt a calling to also adopt. We have not chosen to foster although we have had several international high school students living with us for the last several years.

No regrets. It's all been good.

AdoreHim

I am an adoptee that adopted 2 children, both infants. I respect those that can foster, however my husband and I never thought of doing that 20 years ago when we adopted our first child. Good for you that you are considering adopting when you are ready.

Mei-Ling

I would.

Linny G

I may be able to foster, but I would NEVER try and adopt a baby, too many unresolved issues surrounding my own adoption.

Obias

Some might correct me and I don't know maybe I should be corrected, as I'm not experienced enough to make desicions of parenthood. But, I feel almost as if, being an adoptee, I owe it to something. Whether it's myself, my adoptive parents, or to another child born into an unfortunate situation. I'm not sure. Of course I'd feel prepared to raise an adopted child having been there myself, no matter how different my history would be from theirs.

When I read this forum, I'm amazed with the people who state they themselves are adoptees and have adopted children of their own. What a great, although emotional, life they've had and are now using it to raise another. I think it's wonderful. And it's something I can see myself being a part of.

Although, my big decision would be, should I have both adopted and biological children. I think some overlook the importance of that.

sizesmith

Our adopted son's first mom was an adoptee who placed a child.

My brother-in-law is an adoptee now reunited who tried to adopt a child (couldn't because child's father wouldn't place).

Mrs.Cullen :)

I'm only 15 but I want to have my own kids and adopt atleast one. I've always felt like adoption was something I was supposed to do. I don't think I could adopt a child to much older than a toddler (which is the age I want to adopt..) because I plan on having my own children first and I just think it might be hard for them to adjust and feel apart of the family... I want to go on a missions trip to Africa and work with orphans there. I have always had a heart for children and babies..

C.lo.D

I am only 15 but I really want to help children less fortunate than myself when i'm older. I would love to adopt and agree that adopting an older child would be more helpful (if more challenging) I would also like to go abroad to a third world country and help children there. I wouldn't really like to foster because all though it would be fun it would be challenging and constantly changing routines etc, but it would be very rewarding.

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