Adoptees: Is it the job of AP's to provide a "better life" for their children?

Possum

How it should happen -

A child is being given up because the mother is lacking in the essential items to be a 'good' mother.

Yes??
(whether they are self perceived - or those restrictions are placed upon her)

So - in essence - whom ever adopts that child - should be giving that child a much better life than the one he/she was supposed to live.

Well - that's the theory as I see it.

Really though - children don't want to be given or taken away from their parents - so there better be a damned good reason for it - and the replacement parents/or additional parents better do a damned better job than what the child was initially destined for. (for it all to be somehow 'justified' in the adoptee's adult mind)

Or that adoptee will grow up to one day be very pissed!!!
(as you've most likely seen on here)

If adoption doesn't absolutely have to happen - it shouldn't.
(if though - a child's bio parents can't provide the love and care that that child requires - then another set of loving and caring parents needs to be found - and quickly - and they need to not throw their own baggage on to that child - as that's really not fair on the child - and they've already had to deal with a great load of baggage from their first set of parents)

JMHO

sunny

Yes, or else what's the point.

Adoptees lose their families---shouldn't they get something 'better'?

What's better? It's all relative. But I am not talking about granite counter-tops and SUVs.

Mentally healthy people would be the best.

Lillie

I've been wondering this for years, Gaia.

I suppose most people would consider it to be a new Starter Castle in the suburbs, a Lincoln Navigator in the driveway, a pool in the backyard, and a Wii hooked up to the flat screen in the bedroom.

Oh and don't forget the pony, maybe we'll have to sell the house in the 'burbs and build an even bigger Starter Castle on a Hobby Farm when the adoptling gets old enough to clean the **** out of the stall.

Or maybe a better life is being able to hire an illegal Mexican to do that for them.

cruzgirlz3

What the heck? Illegal Mexicans, SUV's , ponys...wow, now adoptees get to be racist, and classist in your insults to AP's. I grew up in San Diego, but they must have been out of illegal aliens the day I was adopted. Too bad.

My god, you people are lucky, lucky, lucky. If this is your view of adoption I can only assume that this is how YOU grew up.

Oh well, some of my best friends have SUV's, pools, and live in the suburbs. Is this some sort of reverse snobbery here at work?

â™¥Love Herdsâ™¥

I feel that adoption is designed to provide a "better life" for EVERYONE. It isn't just about the baby, really.

APs want children, and quite frequently can't have them
BPs were "ill-eqiupt" to handle what life had sent their way

I feel answering this question as an adopted, estranged, and reunited person is impossible. Who knows what's better? I think the "job" of an AP is to do the best they can.

carolinagal75

My folks did provide me with a better life. I grew up with a stable household. We didn't have a lot of money, but I never went hungry. I didn't wear designer clothes, but my clothes were clean. More importantly, my folks loved me, kissed my boo boos, gave me an education, read me stories and made sure I knew I was loved. I'm married now, with two little girls. I'm providing a life pretty similar to the one I had growing up. And believe me, it's better than most if your parents kiss you good night and you know you'll always be loved.

Cass M

Of course that is hope. MOST people who adopt, want this more then anything, they have worked so hard and waited so long, they are so grateful for their children. This is not just about the material things, these children were born into a hard life to some extent you hope that make the rest of their childhood much better. I do, that is my hope for my children.

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