Adoptees: Please answer honestly?

Possum

I wasn't allowed to grow around those that look, act and have talents as I do.
When one grows up - not having those mirroring biological traits is hard going on a child.
I thought I was a freak - I was very different.
I've talked to hundreds of other adoptees - and the loss of those biological mirrors seems to be a strong theme of heart-ache.
My a-mother also found it hard - as I was so different from her bio children that she had already raised. She sometimes didn't know how to handle me. We weren't in 'tune' biologically.
I once thought biology didn't matter that much - I've since found my bio family - and am astounded with the similarities.
When you don't know what your strengths and weaknesses will turn towards when growing - you never know if your internal signals are 'off'.

I think every adoptee fantasizes. Especially when they're not allowed to actually know their own true story - from the mother that gave birth to them.
Ultimately - unless you lived the life of an adoptee - separated from your bio family - because of choices adults made - not being allowed to grow around your own 'kin' - you'll never truly 'get it'.
It's a weird concept - that's extremely hard to put into words.
It's more a feeling - an unease.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

i think my life would have been heck of a lot easier if i didn't have to spend every day wondering why i wasn't good enough to be kept.

Mei-Ling

I don't idealize it - that is, I do not idealize what my home would be. I do not idealize the outside area of her residence, or what classes she took, or what her work is like. Because I've seen those pictures.

I've seen those things through my sister's photos. It does not represent the life I "would have had", but it closely resembles the physical state of the residence and type of life I would have had on the surface. I don't idealize how it would have been like to grow up there because I do not know. However, I DO know the general region of where she lives, her residence, her school, etc.

It is not a third-world poverty ridden village. I do not think it would have been "better" than my current life, but neither is it "worse." It's a decent standard of living for a 2nd world country.

I don't know what my life would have been like because I didn't LIVE there. However, I do know I would have grown up learning Mandarin, writing/reading the characters, and I would have known my mother and father in a familial sense rather than just stammering through an Internet connection.

I don't know what I would have been like. All I know is that I might have been a completely different person raised by different people in different cirumcstances and a different culture.

Anha S

As a kid, I fantasized about what life would have been like with my first family. I didn't know I had an older sister at that point. I fantasized about looking like the people in my family, whos nose I had, eyes, etc. Growing up, my amom put a lot of strain on me to try to fit in, be "like" them, persue things that felt alien and wrong to me. I dreampt of a family who would encourage me on different paths, not desperately try to shove me into this box.

I found out that of course the dream version could hardly meet up to the reality of things. I had a very difficult and painful childhood, and I think it would have been the same in my first family, but for different reasons. Perhaps my mother wouldn't have been so distant and cold to my sister if she hadn't of given me up. So who knows. But I still say different, not better. At least if I'd grown up in my first family I wouldn't be trying to really get to know my sister as a person at 30.

Heather B

When the truth of your origins is hidden and secret; all you have left is fantasy.

Clare

I don't know if it would be different because i have not live my life the other way. I think it might be a bit easier but i don't really know
I wish i can meet my birth mum and dad one day.

doG the mighty

other than wanting to know why i was put up......

i like my life the way it is.

i don't think about " how it could have been"

Ana G

I was born in Guatemala, a highly catholic country. My birth mother was 15 yrs old. she was poor, she and her family lived in a small shack..my father was out of picture

I was adopted when i was two years old to a strong Christian family, who love living for God. notice i say Living for God, not just being Christian, my parents hate Bible smackers (ppl who think they are better because they don't do things that "sinners" do.and they smack it ppl's faces...im sure Jesus wouldn't do that)

I was raised with the thinking that i can do anything i want, and that i can be whatever i wanted to be as long as i worked hard for it.

the reality is if I was still raised in Guatemala, I would be Catholic (NOT SLAMMING catholics at all, but im just not catholic), I would be poor, i would probably not think that i could make any sort of an income. My personality would be different, because since my mom got pregnant young, i might have gotten pregnant young too.

my life would not be better, why?

Because i have been raised on American soil, my adopted dad went into war to protect his country and almost lost his arm. I have a family that loves me, I am a daughter of Christ, and I am very blessed to have been adopted.

I do not feel worthless because my birth mother left me, i feel cherished because my "real" parents found me :D

horseychic

i used to think, believe, wish (who knows what the "right" word was) my dad fought in Vietnam, when i finally met him i found he was an accountant! what a let down, he has twin daughters, he will not mention to them about me due to his wife not wanting to "confuse" the girls!
my mother - she had already had one child she adopted out (my sister, we were adopted by the same family), she has had more kids after me, and kept all of them, i used to wonder what it would be like living with her, but realized that had i of lived with her i would not have the life i have had, which has been a great one, even though at times i wished things were different.
so honestly i think had i of been raised by my biological family i would have been a teen mum, with no future, instead i have had a wonderful life.

Sixfeettall

"i think my life would have been heck of a lot easier if i didn't have to spend every day wondering why i wasn't good enough to be kept."

Why would you waste your life wondering that? It isn't likely it had anything at all to do with you being "good enough" or not. It's your choice to obsess on such a thought.

James Michener, who was left on Mrs. Michener's porch in a basket, said by the time he was 19 he had decided to accept the fact that he was never going to know who his mother was and why she left him on a stranger's porch, and that he would just live his life as well as he could. Look what he accomplished with that attitude!

Randy B

I've never really wondered either why I was placed for adoption of what life "would have been like". I've always been quite content with my life and never felt that anything was lacking because of my adoption. I could have been better off, I could have been worse off. Either way, I have never had time for "what ifs". Life is too short to spend it looking back.

Genius At Work

how would life be better? my parents obv. didnt want me.

MeerKat

never put thought into it, never bought the "grass is more green" concept either. figured i got the better end of the deal

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