Adoptees: does it bother you that your birth certificate lists your adoptive parents as your natural ones?

opedial

Actually as an adoptive mother, this bothers me a lot as well. When I found out that in Ontario they give new birth certificates out I was shocked. These loins have never born children, I don't want to take credit for birthing three children!!

The names of the children I get to have a document that states their new family name (or midle first if they ahve been changed) but to say that I gave birth to them...it feels wrong...kind of like lying. We don't even get a copy of their old certificate. At least I know the name of the mom and will be in semi contact with her through the children's life, but I kind of think the whole "reinventing" birth certificates is kind of creepy.

ETA: Well I will be jiggered, something that both AP's and Adoptees and Original Mothers all agree on. Perhaps this is one area of reform everyone can work towards together!

Andraya

Drives me batty! My first mom swears up and down that they were nowhere near when I was conceived or born so why do they get the prestigious name spot on MY certificate of birth. HOGWASH! Nothing but lies and deceit but that's pretty much what the institution of adoption was founded on, isn't it?

ETA
I would like to counter B's outdated opinion that FIRST, not birth, mother's are guaranteed anonymity and protection. WE ARE GIVEN NOTHING OF THE SORT. These practises are continued to provide anonymity and protection to the adopters, not the natural parents. This kind of backward logic is one of the most misguided "facts" about adoption.

aloha.girl59

I'm an AP. I know you didn't intend this question for me, so please forgive me for responding.

I used to think it was cool that my (then) husband's and my names were on our son's birth certificate. We never hid the truth about his adoption from him, but I had real jealousy issues about not having been there when my son was born, etc. Worrying that having *her* in his life would somehow take some of his love and affection away from me. Now that I'm wiser, it bothers me that my son's birth certificate has been permanently altered. I've never been in St. _____ hospital and I've never given birth to a child, so how can I be listed as his mother on his BC? Weird, creepy, and downright wrong.

PhilM

Yes. Yes it does.

Even though I love them.

eharrah1

It does not bother me in that they are listed as my natural parents. It bothers me because it allows aparents to lie and pretend the child is the natural child which can cause lots of problems later in life if the child finds out. And, adoption does not protect the one person it is supposed to. It does not protect the child, it takes away all of our rights. There should be a separate birth certificate for adopted children or maybe a separate box to check if adopted and the true birth certificates should be given to us at 18 or 21 if we so choose.

Fernie

I have always thought of it as a false document. I remember the first time I saw it I was kind of shock that it had them listed as my natural parents and not my adopted ones.

Erin L

As an adoptive mother it bothers ME that my daughter's "birth" certificate from our state, which we needed for her certificate of citizenship for her, has my name as her mother. I have other documents that say I'm legally her mother, so I don't need one to say I gave birth to her, because I didn't. She does have her original birth certificate from Taiwan, however.

Hey, Sunny, though, I don't see why the fact that the adoptive mother may be infertile has anything to do with it. The falsification is that the adoptive mother didn't give birth to the child on the certificate. It's not better worse, truer or falser depending on the fertility status of the adoptive mother, so that does seem like a dig and is unnecessary for your point.

Theresa

It bothers me very much. It's a falsified document that I did not agree to.

If I were to file a birth certificate application listing myself as the mother of my stepkids, I could be subject to a heavy fine. Doesn't matter who they lived with, there's only one person who gave birth to them.

The official name of the document is 'Certificate of Live Birth'. The day of my live birth, my adoptive mother was on a cruise far away from any delivery room.

Romany

I think there should be a Certificate of Legal Parentage which lists your current parents - whether birth or adoptive or guardian is irrelevant. It will have your date and place of birth and your current parent(s) - up to two. Gender is irrelevant. This will be your legal document to prove whatever needs to be proved by a birth certificate today.

You will also have a Certificate of Biological Parentage - listing your genetic (somatic) parents, your gestational carrier, and for the really cutting edge stuff - your mitochondrial parent, if different from your somatic parent. This document is only available to the person whose birth it records, their legal parent(s) and anyone named on the certificate.

Sofiakat

I hope you don't mind me answering, but I am an Ap and I am so glad you asked this question.
I hate it. It really bothers me. I think it is like trying to erase my kids mom. It is a lie. There is NOTHING wrong with the fact that she gave birth to these kids.
I hate it so much, I still have not filed for the kids birth certificates. I am not sure how I can change this. I am their mom, but I did not give birth to them. I am just one of their moms. THey also have their natural mother and a foster mother from before the adoption. I feel that this is corrupt.
It bothers me to the core.
I have been sitting with this feeling since the social worker first mentioned it a year ago when the adoption was finalized.
If anyone knows how to NOT have this happen, please let me know.

celtic.piskie

Yes.

It iorritates me, because it's a BIRTH certificate. A record of the woman who gave birth to you. Who's daughter/son you actually are.

That is a lie. Lies always irritate me.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

absolutely. i hate lies in general, anyway. but this is the biggest lie of my life.

Lucy Deana

yes

Minnimouse

Yes, it does bother me a little. I would much rather have both parents listed. So you would have adoptive parents names and biological parents names on the one thing. If there was an unknown parent then it could be left out.

I know it's not what they intended but it's kind of like buying a painting and signing your name on it pretending you did it. My adoptive parents were great parents but it doesn't take away the fact they did not create me.

jessica300

<<<<<Hey Sunny!

Well since a whole lot of adoptive mothers are answering a question intended for adoptees, I might as well add my 2 cents.

As a mother who gave birth to my son who was taken as an infant for adoption, yeah, it bothers me a lot. I voluntarily relinquished my rights to parent my child for 18 years, I didn't volunteer to relinquish my biological status as his mother for a minute, and certainly not for a lifetime, but that's basically what it ends up being. Another win-win-win in adoption - NOT.

sizesmith

I'm an adoptive parent, and listing my name instead of his first mom bothered me.

On the other hand, she will always be his first mom, and no matter what the government thinks is best, we know the truth, he'll always know the truth, the that piece of paper is just that, a piece of paper.

Laurel J

Yes, it does! What kind of bizarro world am I living in when my identity and origins can be erased and reinvented?

I didn't ask to be retconned!

Possum

Yep - drives me nuts.

Amazing that a modern day government is still allowed to falsify such records.

And phooey to those that talk about protection of privacy etc.
It was never promised to anyone.
Adoptive parents like it this way to play pretend.
(not all - but far far too many - they have the power to change such practices - and instead they let it continue)

ETA: and to Randy's comment - it's a BIRTH CERTIFICATE - not a MOTHERING CERTIFICATE.

Kashi

It doesn't bug me because it's a lie, but it would be nice if they had an actual box to check to say that it was an adoption and another birth certificate is out there. I'll give you an example why: My parents "bought" a car I had. I owed them money, so they didn't really buy it, we just called it a wash. In our state, you don't have to pay sales tax if you got it from a relative. When they went to get a new title, they gave them a hard time about it because something in the records was indiciating to the person that I was not their daughter. I was of course, but there was also another birth certificate out there with my birth parents on it. In my state, my "first" birth certificate is held somewhere in a file at the capitol's offices. They actually had to bring in friends of theirs that knew them when they adopted me to have them "testify" that I was their child. How ridiculous is that? I've heard similar glitches when adoptees try to get a passport. I'm getting one this month, so we will see! I consider her my mother and has been in every sense of the word besides the physical part. So, who cares.

Anha S

Yes. It bothers me. It bothered my AP a lot too. For more reasons than its a flat out bold faced lie. This one certificate is what would cost me thousands of dollars, years of my life, years OFF my life due to stress just to have a faint hope of getting my band status back. I lose out on my birthright because this certificate says I was born to 2 caucasian people. It took one of my adopted friends well over 2 years to even get his band status back, he had to fight tooth and nail, and he is full blood. He has the card, but no one feels he is entitled to use it! Me, I'm half, and while any other half blooded native person would have a right to band affiliations, I just don't, and probably never will. Just yet another gift that keeps on giving.

Problem Child

omg...YES, YES YES.

i hate this soooo much. it's such an out and out fallacy and lie and i hate it so much. i firmly believe that this is falsifying a legal document and really should be illegal.

in my opinion, birth certificates should state the natural parents and then state the adopting parents as such..and not be changed from that unless the adoptee requested it.

adoptees have so little control over their lives and then they are forced to live a lie..it's beyond sick and twisted to think that anyone would be ok with that kind of falsehood and denial.

anelas87

I have both my birth certificates (most of you probably have 2) one lists my name as "Baby Girl" with my birth parents names as my parents.

One has my real name with my actual (adoptive) parents on it.

Rowan

Well, my adoptive mother was not infertile so it doesn't bother me for that reason.

To be honest, i never really thought about it. Legally they are my parents. They just didn't give birth to me. While it did bother me a little when i weas a kid, nowing it wasn't my orginal, it doesn't bother me now.

Randy B

While the woman listed on my birth certificate didn't give birth to me she is, in all measure of the word, my mother. She raised me, cared for me, disciplined me, guided me and did all that was and is expected of a mother. She also did bare children in the form of my brother and sister. Its the same way that my wife not only adopted two beautiful daughters with me as well as gave birth to a third. She's been more of a mother to both of my adopted daughters then their biological "mothers" have been.

For those reasons, I don't view it as a lie or deception. I have no problem with my birth certificate at all. I also fully acknowledge that many others do not share my outlook on the subject but these are my views and I feel that in some cases it takes more to be a mother (or father) then giving birth.

magyyyyy

i was adpoted and
my birth cirtificate doesnt say my birth parents
it says my adoptive parents

Jessica

Not really i know in my heart that i'm adopted. My birth parents may be my natural parents, but my adoptive parents are my real parents. Real parents are parents that gave birth to you. Real parents are the parents that have given you a roof over your head, buy, cook, and prepare the food you eat (unless you are home when they are at work or on a date or something to that nature), buy clothes that you wear, and give you things out of the ordinary. Birth parents are just that, someone that gave birth to you and nothing else. When you have the parents at gave birth to you then they are your birth parents and real parents at the same time if im making any sense with that comment. I just want to make you aware that i have had problems with my adopted parents and i still having problems with them. i just have made up in my mind that no matter what i have them to fall back on if i need to.
In your comment with "in many cases" when a woman is listed as your mother that is the person who makes sure you are raised properly in the eyes of the law. So it is not as if they are saying that that woman gave birth to you, they are just saying that the woman that is listed is the woman that is your mother. In the eyes of the law your mother is someone that is making sure you are getting everything you need. Look at the comment i made, i have put my parents though everthing you can think of, i have yelled at them cursed them out tried to kill myself leaving a note for them mulitple times,runaway twice. i am away from home right now not talking to them, i have put them through hell. and i still have made the comments i have about the difference between birth parents and real parents. so i hope this answered your question and everyone elses that read this and i hope i have helped you out. if you want to talk to me more if you are reading this email me at afganistangurl@yahoo.com

yadameika

Hell no, it doesn't bother me. I think it would have been disrespectful to but the lady who had me name's on the birth certificate. I have my parents, and I have the people who had me

I Love A Child With Autism!!!

Yes, Sunny, you DID mean the infertile dig. You are a very unkind person. I would like to see how you would have felt if you were infertile. Guess that would have been blamed on your adoption too!!!

Rainia W

My mother is the one who raised me, loved me, cared for me, supported me, made my lunch every day, nursed me when I was sick, laughed with me at my stupid jokes, cried with me when I first had a major break-up..... I could go on, but basically the woman listed on my birth certificate IS my mother. It isn't a lie.

Do I wish I could have my bio-mom listed too? Yup, but not because I consider it a lie for her not to be.

Dreamweaver ILF posse 2009

Not at all...my mother listed is my mother....my father listed is my father.

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