Adoptees, how "private" did your adoptive parents keep the details surrounding your adoption?
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Adoptees, how "private" did your adoptive parents keep the details surrounding your adoption?
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As an adoptive parent myself, I'm always bothered when I hear some adoptive parents sharing personal information about their children's adoption and first-parents with strangers. (not online, but IRL, often infront of the adoptee. Information, that to me is private, and should be left up to the child to decided whether or not they want to share. Such as details surrounding their birth, relinquishment or removal from the home, like that their first-mothers drank or did drugs during pregnancy, that the child was abondoned at a market, was possibly molested, was concieved during rape, was born to a homeless teen mother, or even just basic information about the first family. (I've heard this all of these details being freely shared by not only a-parents, but also relatives and family friends of the adoptive families)
We've tried not to share any "private" details with anyone, including family members, but I'm wondering how adoptees feel about this. Did your a-parents share all the details of your adoption openly with others, or did they keep that information private for you? How would you have felt if you would have overheard things like this being shared with others? Do you feel you should be the only one who decides who this is shared with, or would you have not really cared?
Additional Details
I also wanted to make it clear that I'm not suggesting keeping this info from the adoptee, but just letting them decide who else gets to know.
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Clare
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My parents hav told the whole family but i am fine with that. But sometimes my mum or grandma talk about it to people that i don't know and i think that is not ok. It is like we were at this party and i knew no one and my grandma went up to this random and started telling her about me and how i was adopted and i got really angry and told her to stop because she does not know wat we are going through and how it feel when everyone is talking about you being adopted.It should be up to us to tell people if we want to |
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Andraya
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We don't talk about it. I am not adopted. I'm theirs dammit.
Maybe I need to clarify. Nothing was said in front of me. Until I asked about it. There was no gossipping in my family. My amom was very open with me and we often talked about my adoption. My adad is another story, we DO NOT discuss adoption.ever.period. |
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zena
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my adopted parents new all the background information on my birth parents.Which were lies told to them by C.A Know i look like a dummy in front of family members. I wish they kept there mouth shut.Don"t believe the story the adoption agents tell you. |
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Temperance
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My family kept it really quiet but my friends and dad didn't. My friends told the entire school my story, which they only knew the happy version (a lie made by yours truly) and my dad will just say oh, she was adopted, insert long boring painful details here, in front of me. My mom forgot I was adopted, wtf?!? Can't you see that there is a major difference between us? She should respect my proud druggie pedigree. Well, that's my rant for this question.
-Tempe |
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