Adoptees only question?

PhilM

3. Hands down. The other two are symptoms of 3. Get rid of that attitude, and the others will fall.

drkangel210e

Number three, for sure. Adopted children shouldn't feel pressured by society to be extra thankful that they have a roof over their head or weren't aborted. Most children never get to experience the joy of hearing phrases like, "You're so lucky to have a home," "You could have been aborted," or "Be sure that you're good, because your parents saved you." People need to realize that they're talking to a child. The adoptive parents are the only source of security that the child has after the trauma of being taking from their first parent. Why add to any insecurities?

Number one doesn't bother me as much as the others because I've known some good single parents, especially if they're adopting from foster care where the child was removed from their parent's home due to abuse.

Number two is annoying because it shows that the person really doesn't understand what they're getting themselves into. They mean well, but they might not be prepared for the problems their adopted child might have. Also, they need to evaluate if they'll always think of the child as a charity case. If so, don't bother.

âœ§ â“â“˜â“›â“¨ â™¥ kaelers, emy & bella

3. SOME adoptions are wonderful. Some are horror stories. Most are neither, or a bit of both. The ignorance of the statement, with the addition of the praise as though the child were a puppy from a shelter is pretty annoying to me.

The other 2 are neutral statements. Single parents can be fantastic parents, biological or adoptive. And the second, to me anyways, implies foster-care adoption, not waiting for an infant fresh out of the womb. I support foster care adoption in cases where it's appropriate and needed.

BTW - I am an adoptee. Not an adoptling. If birth mothers now insist on being called 'first moms,' then I'll be called what I want too.

DevonChaos

3 for sure. I imagine 99% of these statements come from a non adopted person.

My other one is "babies are SO kewl! How do I get my parents do adopt a little brother or sister from me? I know we would be bestest friends. If I don't get a brother/sister, I'm going to be so upset!". I hate thinking that anyone, no matter their age, would think that children are that easily accessible and basically on par with getting a new toy.

Weeme

Probably the third one bothers me the most, although to be honest I think most people are just misinformed about the complexities of SOME adoptions and are probably open to learning if approached honestly and respectfully.

For the first two responses, I see nothing wrong in them, they are accurate statements and I think people are usually refering to adoption from foster foster care.

Lucy Deana

number 3 for sure - not all adoptions are wonderful, some are crappy!
but then number 2 aswell - yes, there are so many kids needing homes, but you are not entitled to one, just because they need a home!

Anha S

3 really grates my cheese. I don't recall ever being told I was awesome for birthing my kids and raising them, nor does anyone else I know. To me it implies bad blood, problems, a shelter dog attitude. Yes it's ignorant, but at the same time it really mirrors what society at large feels about adoption. That an adoptee is some lucky flawed shmuck who should kiss the feet of those who took him or her in.

Possum

3 drives me nuts.

The ignorance in the US about adoption is just astounding.
If a child lost parents to a car crash - people would be sad for the child.
But when a child loses parents/family heritage via adoption - everyone thinks it's wonderful!!!
PFFTT!

Laurel J

I think 2 is the worst. It pretends to be about needy kids while really being about the speaker's desire to gloss over the ethical problems in adoption: "There are so many kids who need homes," therefore I am perfectly entitled to one. There are no moral issues surrounding adoption at all--isn't that wonderful? And aren't I selfless and giving and wonderful too?

So it's a useful statement, because you can actually see how some people justify adoption to themselves, what they think and believe. But this is usually a closed mind talking, a person who has not done his/er homework, does not intend to do it, and will be very defensive when confronted with reality. Scary.

Randy B

None of them really bother me but of the three I am less fond of the last one. I realize though that in many cases this is just something that people say to adoptive parents when they are unable to think of something else nice to say. I just normally turn it around by saying that I'm lucky that I had them (the children) to take in or something like that to turn it around or to politely educate them about the realities of what they have said.

Just me

i agree with the other person with #3. Kids are not puppy's. The others really don't bother me personally

SJM

It's a tough choice.

As an adoptee who has also been a single mother, # 1 bothers me the most. It's hard raising a child alone. Sometimes it just happens that way, and I totally respect any parent who is doing it because they have no other choice. On the other hand, I have no respect for people who seek it out intentionally. Rarely are they thinking of what they have to offer a child--or what they are lacking. Usually, it's all about them and their own desires.

ETA: By the way, I would take it one step further and suggest that single people be allowed to adopt ONLY if the child is old enough to give express consent and does so or if it is a close biological relative.

Siver C

none bother me. I'm a proud and happy adoptee.
Any single woman can lay down and GET PREGNANT no body is stopping that! ... if they can provide a good home I see no reason they should not adopt.. at least to adopt you're just about vetted to death.

worldwide there are many CHILDREN who happen not to be perfect white babies WAITING for homes... what's wrong with that?

People only think "you took someone in" when they don't understand real love.. You can't hold that against them.

sunny

You picked some goodies.

I think 2.

There ARE many kids who need (foster children) homes, but they're NOT the children people WANT. They want the infants.

In reality, there are 90 couples for every white baby. So the statement is FALSE.

The truth is there are SO MANY infertile people who want to adopt.

I love Chris!

I think #3 because some adoptions are wonderful, but not all. and its not that your just taking a child in, but your making the child part of your family.

mom to be

The only one that bothers me is single people wanting to adopt if they do not have enough supports in their circle of family and friends. As far as the other two statement, EVERYONE has a right to feel a different way. I think your term adoptlings bothers me more, I thought you were against turning adoption into something "cutesy".

sayitisntso

I guess as an 'adoptling' who is an 'a p' I am not to answer this one.

Kate

1. It does not bother me as I know many single people who have adopted, in particular who have adopted foster children who were in our care until finding their forever home.

2. There are many children who need homes, that have no biological family that can care for them, etc.

3. I do think adoption is wonderful, and that someone taking a child in is amazing.

I am pro-adoption.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: