Adoptees were you told you were Chosen and Special?

PhilM

There is an adoption announcement in my baby book telling the world I was special and chosen.

I never believed it. If I had been chosen, then I was also given up. If I was chosen because of something special about me, then I was given up because of something about me. I realized neither was true. I was an infant. Nobody could tell anything about me. They couldn't hate me to give me up. And they couldn't have loved me to choose me among all the others infants.

Mei-Ling

Yes and yes.

Kate

I am constantly told I was special, not chosen as my adoptive parents had not intended to adopt. They are foster parents and were my foster parents first from birth, then as I was up for adoption and with all my medical problems it would have been extremely hard to find a family willing to take me on however, my foster family decided to adopt me, it was a family decision and they said because there was something about me that made me special..

I believe it.

Rowan

Actually no, i wasn't. Those words never passed my parents lips. They didnt want us to feel singled out or different, moreso i mean, if they could help it.

DevonChaos

yes. I was told I was chosen and special constantly. It made no sense to me, because I seemed to have an average skill level in most things and didn't have any special powers. As I grew I realized I was just like everyone else, I was upset that my mother would try to set me up for such a fall.

Ivy

Yes I was told that and I didn't believe it, but that' because both of my parents horribly abused my sister and I. I think I would have if I had, had loving parents.

Krista R

Yes, I was told that I was special and a gift from God. This kind of pressure to be perfect and the hero of the family was extremely stressful. These statements set me up for extreme angst when I did not perform well on tests or swim meets, or whatever the event was. It was devastating and a connection to the possibility of being left again unless I am the daughter that performs for this family. I believed it, but not in an entitled way, in a "I better tow the line or face abandonment" kind of way.

kateiskate

I was told that all my life...I was "special enough to be chosen from thousands of poor kids without mommies or daddies. And special enough to be brought ALL the way from Korea and lucky enough to become an American!!!".

I've never really believed it though....I always wondered what could possibly be so special about me if my mom would dump me like that?

SJM

Of course. I was told I was chosen and special over and over ad nauseum. Did I believe it? Not for even a split second.

Well, I did believe I was different if that is what was meant by special. I knew I was different because most children knew their parents. So I guess it would depend upon the meaning behind the word 'special'.

BOTZ

Yes, I was told that.

No, I didn't believe it.

almost human

I was told I was "chosen" once.

I must not have had the right reaction on my face, because it was never mentioned again.

When your family is transracial, you don't need to be told all this stuff - you understand that these are all euphemisms for being "different."

It's not a consolation.

goddess_gaia

No, I was never told that. I was adopted within the family, though.

Possum

I was told both a lot.

It was kind of cute - when I was very young - but later it just didn't make sense.

If I was so great - why did my mother and family give me away????

Adoptees are told this constantly - and they shouldn't be. It confuses an already mixed-up situation.
To be adopted - your life had to be screwed up to start with.
There's nothing 'special' about that.

Adoptees need the truth - without the sugar-disney coating.

Kiki

I was told that I was wanted and special, but never told that I was chosen. Actually, my biological mother chose my a.parents so I guess I was told that they were chosen. lol

I absolutely believed it and still do!

Cool Hal

Yes I was told that from a young age and actually believed for a short time that it was a bit liked annie where someone goes into an orphanage and picks the baby that they wanted - lol how naive and sad was I !!

I understand why my AP's did it but it was the biggest lie they ever told me - I aint special and wasn't chosen but it sounds better than I was second choice because they didn't think they could conceive.

MelzMom

No. I was told told I was Wanted.
Yes, I believe it--it is the truth.

L.A

Yes I was told I was special, I was told a story of how my adoptive parents went to the hospital and out of a whole room of babies they saw this one "special" baby with a tiny bump on her head and chose me. I acutally believed this story till I was old enough to know the adoption process didnt work that way.
Even knowing this story I always felt abandoned by my biological mother, after the birth of my 3rd child I went out and found my biological parents now thats a book on its own let me tell you !!!!!

Cambria

Yes I was

And I may have believed it when I was younger but not when I was older. Now I hate hate hate when anyone uses that phrase around me to describe adoption and I make sure to tell them and to tell them why.

emnari

I was told by my father's family that I was "special" (he was my adoptive father) .. I didn't realize what this meant of course until I was in my 20's & then things really made sense. When I refer to my adoptive daughters to my family I have made it clear that we were lucky to have been chosen by them; but that by no means do I want them labeled as "special".
Each family handles adoption different, unfortunately mine handled it wrong.

I love Chris!

yes. my mom would always say
"most kids' parents don't get to chose their kids. But we got to pick you out."
when i was little (around 4 and 5) i bought it.

chrissy

I was told they wanted a baby girl and I was chosen for them. I thought it was a load of crap when I was a kid but now I do believe it.

thefoxxww2

My adoption was a bit different so while I was always told I was special, never chosen (because I wasn't). Then again, my sister, who was not adopted, was always told she was special too.

Yes, we all believed our parents because it's true.

Additionally, I tell my son who's adopted how special he is because, well, he is special.

Rivkah

I tell my twins, who were adopted, the same thing I tell my biological children: your worth is not determined by the car you drive, by the house you live in, by your zipcode, by the clothes you wear, by who your parents are (I am fairly well-known around these parts), but by the work you put into making the world a better place.

I sure hope that they believe it.

I do not tell them that they are special because their first parents had to die (and their next of kin be seriously messed up) for us to get them. I don't think that is something that they will ever want attention drawn to.

ETA- if you don't like an answer, you can ignore it, but you can't dictate who answers and doesn't answer your question (see Yahoo!Answers TOS).

Halo Mom

I tell my child all the time that she is special
And she is, all children are special
She is not adopted

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