Adoptees who have children?

almost human

I believe my children are beginning to take their disturbance over what has happened to me and move it into the realm of public discourse.

Together we have supported one another without any extended family. They have admired my strength over the years but sensed the toll my efforts were taking, having no one who supported me. And they watched in horror as it all began to unravel. They stood by me as I questioned the meaning of living and they know they are the reason I am here today. I burdened them with my story because I had no one left to share it with, for which I am sorry.

Prior to that event, we did not talk about adoption. Since that event, they know I have been sorting it out and I must speak about it. They know of my blogs and my work and can access it whenever they want.

I bring it up to them more than I should, but I can't help it, as they are my best friends. I am sure that seeing someone as strong as me brought to me knees and so profoundly affected by adoption has affected them as well. They tell me about discussions they have with other people, debunking myths and debating pop culture ideas about adoption.

They are my children. They have been raised to work towards making the world a better place. They have been raised to be aware of social justice issues, they were raised seeing me volunteer for causes, they were raised to be aware of their civil rights, they were raised to be critical thinkers, and they were raised to think for themselves.

They don't know who their natural grandmother was. They don't know their mother's adoptive parents or family. They know their agrandfather was a child molester. They know their mother was strong yet still suffers. They know how important us staying together and being there for each other was. They know they almost lost their mother. They have sat back in disbelief as she battled with her adoption agency to obtain any breadcrumb of information about her original identity. They are willing to bless her moving to another country to reclaim her birth culture, even though they will miss her. They know they have more history and look forward to finding out more. They know they will be gaining some of that culture as well. They may not have been adopted, but they have their own adoption story.

Adoption affects us all.

SJM

My sons were with me when I met my natural parents, but they were so little that they don't remember not knowing who they are. They consider my adoptive parents to be their grandparents, but outside of that, they consider the rest of my adoptive family to be more of a step family. They just don't feel as if they fit in with them as well as they do my natural family.

I sort of feel the opposite. I grew up with my adoptive family, and I don't know my natural relatives nearly as well. But since my children didn't experience that, they have different feelings about it.

(They are 22 & 23-years-old now.)

Randy B

I'm not only adopted but I have two adopted children. They know as much about my adoption as they do about their own. By that I mean, they know the info I know. My oldest has her paperwork (as much as we had given the fact it was an international adoption) and my youngest, while just an infant, will know as much. Her baby book has her hospital info in it as well as her baby bands and anything else we had access to.

They think it's great naturally (at least the oldest one does, the youngest can't talk yet) and thus far it's been a positive experience for all involved. I don't see that changing either.

cruzgirlz3

My kids find it very interesting. They know as much as I know which is next to nothing about OUR background. They are curious, and sometimes we joke about those "mystery genes" that come up, traits that we can only figure come from my background, like my middle daughter's dimples or my youngest's red hair. They are all in their teens now (almost) and they now understand that my past is also their past and they fully support me searching.

Torrejon

My kids know that I am adopted. They are only just old enough to begin understanding what that means:

Not too long ago, we accidentally happened upon a tv show about adoption while flipping channels. It opened the door for some conversation. When I confirmed that I was indeed adopted, my 9 year-old asked if I had been a really ugly baby. I think this shows how he really can't wrap his head around the idea of parents giving away their babies. THEN, he asked if "that" (adoption) could ever happen to him. And, I believe he was actually fearful. It seemed clear that he was thinking: if "that" can happen to mom...it could happen to me too. Of course, I told him that I would never, ever give him away because I simply loved him too much.

So, bottom line, I think my adoption scares my kids. Being given away for ever to strangers is the stuff of nightmares, if you ask me!

Robin

Interesting question!

Well, my daughter was about 6 when we met my 1st mom & 8 when we met my birth dad. So she grew up with adoption - sorta like I did - and I don't think she thought much about it one way or another. They were just a part of our extended family.

Now my daughter & her husband would like to be foster parents because they'd like to share their home with kids in foster care & give them a loving home.

I have grand children now. I don't know if or when or how I might tell them. No reason not to tell them. The oldest is 5. If the topic ever comes up, I'll be happy to discuss it with them. Of course, they'll know eventually. Fortunately for me, I now have our family history (genealogy). YEAH!

sunny

My oldest is 6. All she knows is that she has more grandparents than most!

rachael

most of my kids are not fully understanding what it actually means. my daughter (18) gets it. she does not understand how a mother can do that, but she sees that sometimes (like me) it was necessary.

i am completely honest about my adoption. i dont hide anything. there is no reason to. when the questions come, i answer them as best i can. the older they get the more they comprehend.

Dreamweaver ILF posse 2009

My kids know all about my adoption and basically, could care less. I don't mean that rudely but I'm just mom. Whether I'm adopted or not doesn't affect them...that's the way they think anyway! lol
They are much more interested in their 1/2 brother I gave up 22 years ago

C Wood

My children know I was adopted, and they wish they knew their blood relatives, but since NY is against opening the records, it'll be hard to ever give them what they want and need, which is sad.

There's a lot my children don't know about my adoption since I refuse to tell them that their grandma and grandpa abused me.

I don't know how they feel about adoption.
cw

lost_fawn

Well this caught my eye. I am not an adoptee but I was adopted when I was 1yr old and now I am 20. I have to say my parent's have always been honest with me about everything from the start. I grew up knowing I was adopted, but I never felt that my parent's loved me less or anything. I did go through a stage of wondering about my birth parent's but I never actively looked for them because I knew that my parent's were the ones who took me in and raised me. I think it would be worse for a child to never know, or to find out when they turned 18. If you are open with your child from the start, your child will feel like they can be more open with you. If you don't tell your child until a certain age they will feel hurt and like they have been decieved.

âš¡Energyâš¡

I've attempted to explain why I'm depressed to my son by stating simply that my parents didn't love me and left me with other people and how lucky he is to have parents who love him unconditionally as I never was. I don't know if this is the right approach but I feel honesty will overcome all mistakes in the end. I'm more than willing to apologize to him if he feels this caused him some confusion or trauma when he looks back as an adult, although I don't have a sense it would, I'm just considering all sides.

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