Adopting a child that looks different than you?

durdenslabs

Are you sure you weren't adopted? I've never seen a true Iranian with light skin AND blonde hair. Oh well....

If you have light skin and blonde hair and your daughter has light skin with dark hair ( I assume your husband has light skin or dark hair as well ) I doubt an adopted would look much different from you. :)

If you adopt from Iran the chances are you'll have a darker skinned child with dark hair. YOU are Iranian, your daughter has dark hair. The adopted child will be of Iranian descent, as you and your daughter are, so having darker hair/skin will NOT matter.

It will only matter if you make it. :)

My husband was adopted as a baby. 3 years later, on his birthday, his sister was born (from his adoptive mom/dad). He was never left out, never felt different, never treated differently. He had a good childhood.

cantstopLinnyG

Iran, as most Muslim countries, has very strict guidelines for adoption. I googled this the info below.

DISCLAIMER: The information in this circular relating to the legal requirements of specific foreign countries is provided for general information only. Questions involving interpretation of specific foreign laws should be addressed to foreign legal counsel.

The United States Interests Section of the Swiss Embassy at Tehran has provided the following information regarding adoptions in Iran. The information is based on informal discussions with an adviser at the Nationality and Refugees Department of the Iranian Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

In accordance with current Iranian practice, adoptions by parents residing outside of Iran are possible provided the adoptive parents are Iranian citizens and fulfill all the other required conditions for adoption. Applications from close family members have the greatest chance of being approved.

Only the Iranian Welfare Organization and the appropriate court can decide each case on its own merits in the best interest of the child. Muslim children will be given exclusively to Muslim parents. Christian parents may adopt children of Christian faiths.

Before an adoption can take place, strict rules are applied in order to protect the children and to establish the suitability of prospective adoptive parents. The process is complicated and time-consuming. After a child has been placed with a family, surveillance by Iranian authorities continues and periodic checks are made to ensure the child's physical and mental well-being.

Iranians living abroad can file adoption applications through relatives living in Iran. Applications must be submitted to the Iranian Welfare Organization.
***********************
Yes, it is difficult to look like no one in your family. Ask other International adoptees, and domestic adoptees who look nothing like their adoptive families. Its very difficult.

If you live in Iran, and there is a foster care program, you might want to become a foster parent. Or, maybe you can become a foster parent here in the US, if that is where you reside.

monkeykitty83

An adopted child will look different, regardless of your own appearance. Even if you had darker skin and dark hair, your child likely wouldn't resemble you in facial features, build, hair texture, etc., because you wouldn't share any genetics. Your child may also be very different in personality and abilities.

This can make fitting in a struggle for adoptees... but there are still children out there who genuinely need homes. If your heart is in adoption, and providing a home to children who are without a permanent place to stay, you have to be willing to love unconditionally and support through the hard things. You can't expect it will always be easy.

Having a mix of adopted and biological children can also be a struggle, but again, it can work if you're committed to loving equally but parenting according to individual needs. It depends a lot on the people involved.

Maybe you could consider opening your home to biological siblings, if you have the resources and desire? Then the children wouldn't be the only adoptee, and would have someone who looked like them. Also, sibling groups usually have a harder time finding homes than single children do.

This stuff won't necessarily be easy. But there are children who need permanent homes, and families to love them through the difficult times.

Adoptionissadnsick

All adopted kids look different, yes it matters and yes it is painful to be part of an adoptive family with bio kids

kkbabyz

The answer about him looking different is no it wouldn't matter as long as no one dwelled upon at all.

( ALthough my adopted sister and i look exactly alike my half sister and i look like we belong to different families and shouldnt share a genetic link but i never once felt as if my mom liked her mom because she look like her birth dad or disliked me because i looked just like
mine)

Also by you saying your pale with blonde hair im taking that as to mean that someone in your family must be tan which would look similiar to the boy and if both your daughter and the boy have dark hair thats another similiarty that may make him feel comfortable :)

THe answer to your second question is yes especially if you adopt an older child that may already have abandonment issues, but if you dont treat him or you daughter any differently he should adjust just right and as long as your little girl if old enough talk doesnt throw it in his face ever he should be just fine. ( my youghest sister was adopted and it was only hard when she wanted to know why we adopted her and what that was since she is so youngh we explained it as although God blessed our mom with me, and her other 3 biological children he allowed my mom to pick her special :) in other words our mom got stuck with us and picked her specfically .....IDK if this logic will work with your family without your little girl feeling unlove the only reason it worked with my sister and us is because were all significanttly older than Taylor ...the adopted one :)

Kay C

My dad is the only biological in a family of foster and/or adopted kids, and he said even though he looked like their parents, he was the one who felt left out ;)

mom to be

Even biological children may not look like their parents. I don't think looks should matter. Just help them stay connected to their culture.

Snickette

I was the only adoptive child of my parents, although they did have biological and foster kids as well. I can't say it was overly difficult, although it would have been nice at times to have had mom's eyes, or dad's hair, etc.
But my differences were welcomed and made positive, as were all of our similarities and differences. Handled sensitively it can work. Of course adopted children will look different to you that's the nature of the beast.
In my personal experience, both as an adoptee and adoptive mother, it's all how you handle with your child.

Tweak

I have a friend who is indian that was adopted by a typical white australian family. They're from a rural-type area where there weren't many black kids at all (in fact I think the was the only one in the area). She's also the only adopted child in a family with 1 sister and 2 brothers, both who are quite a bit older than her.
She's a very well adjusted, very happy go lucky type girl. Sure, there's been issues as she's grown up. I think there were times where she felt excluded or was teased, but I don't really think it would have been because she was adopted so much as the fact that she was the only dark skinned person for miles around and her family was all white.
At the end of the day, an adopted child will always have identity issues, but I think not looking like their adoptive parents will only be a small part of it. After all, it's not uncommon for NON-adoptive kids to look nothing like their parents.

Dreamweaver ILF posse 2009

I look like an exact mix of my mom and dad! Its uncanny! don't know about my bfamilies looks

Randy B

I was adopted and grew up looking nothing like my parents and I think I turned out OK. (Contrary to what some people here may think. lol) We have also adopted two children who are a different race then we are and again, they don't seem to have suffered any by it. Your situation would be no different then any other adoptive parent.

red elephants

I'm not adopted but look nothing like my mom or the majority of my family. I never knew my dad so don't know about that. My mom is very very fair skinned, blond, blue eyes and short. I'm a good 5" taller than her, have olive skin, dark brown hair and brown eyes. There were brief times when I was really young that I wanted to look just like her but I wasn't upset about it. That was maybe around 4 years old. I didn't understand then. But really it was short lived and it never bothered me after that. The vast majority of my family resembles my mom.

Personally I think if you handle it the right way it shouldn't be too much of an issue.

Of all of the adoptive families I know most only have 1 adopted child and then the rest are biological. All have grown up to be very well adjusted adults and treat each other as if they were genetically related.

I'm Drunk

Ultimately most kids should be adopted half the birth parents around are a waste of space so basically it won't matter who they look like.

Vanessa P

I would love to adopt a little china girl. Like the dolls i had when i was little.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: