Adopting a child woth r.a.d. and a.d.h.d. ?

HappyMomAnna

My husband and I adopted two siblings and our oldest has Fetal Alcohol brain damage.

Because she was in Foster Care and Adopted she didn't get much of the right kind of CARE when we became her parents. Since everyone had something to CALL it.

Rather then helping us understand she really has damage in her brain and can't Process...has no short term memory and how this affects her life--She was labeled with RAD.

When all the treatments offered didn't help with the RAD medications were added, and Off label therapy recommended...

Yes, my daughter has attachment issues, who the heck wouldn't! But, Brain damage doesn't heal with therapy. The important thing I wish I had known was that I should NOT allow the experts to END with the diagnosis of RAD...

I have been the mother of a child diagnosed with RAD for 6 years.

My advice is to believe that no matter HOW the child shows they feel about you--Love means knowing that your love makes a difference even if you can't tell.

If I could do one thing different--I would have taken the first year and home schooled--stayed close and built a year of family memories before starting the rest of our lives.... stuck in a cabin, playing games and roasting marshmallows... Then going to meet new teachers and other outsiders....

My biggest pointer: If someone says, there is Only One way to heal RAD--or that RAD must be healed first then think about that real long...There are not very many emotional/psychological issue where there is a real cure--let alone only one.

Most important--attachment takes time and about 100 times as much time as your would expect. And Attachment isn't just what WE want it to be as parents.

Not sure what a Mid form of RAD is... I can say that rad is in the DSM IV and Reactive Attachment Disorder is very specific. Usually, RAD is used to define the most Extreme end of the spectrum for attachment disorders.

Babs

Children with RAD can be a handful, to put it mildly. From what I remember, the two most common varieties are children who don't become attached to anyone and children who will become attached immediately to anyone. I have been in contact with children of both types and it's really scary sometimes.

Children who don't become attached to anyone can come across as manipulative, abusive, angry, uncontrollable, etc. They can be very difficult to manage, especially when they get older.

Children who become easily attached will befriend anyone they meet. They are easier to manage in my opinion, but can still be difficult.

Both types of children usually have a host of other emotional problems in my experience.

I'm not saying you shouldn't adopt a child with this problem. But I would carefully consider whether I was ready for this kind of commitment. If you discover later that you can't handle it (and I wouldn't blame you), the child is going to have another abandonment on his or her list, no matter how well-intentioned you were. It takes a special kind of person to raise these special kids!

And please note that I do NOT have a child of my own with RAD. So a parent may have better insight. Good luck!

wynn

There are two types of RAD, my daughter has been diagnosed with the Uninhibited form, which is as you describe - attaching very easily. She attaches to just about anyone. She'll do anything for anyone, especially adults who are strangers. Things were fine where we could supervise her, but there were some problems at her school. Email me if you'd like.

It's not hard to live with compared to the other type of RAD, and she's made great progress over the past few years. She was adopted when she was five/six.

bjrodgerz

I have two experience's with adoption. One was a granddaughter lost to open adoption, which lasted as long as it took for it to be legal and I took guardianshipip of a three year old with PTSD. I adopted her after the courts and I tried to work with the parents for 6 years with no good results. I was told about a thereputic daycare which had counseling and psychiatric doctors on the premisesses. It took me working with them daily and everyone working together. They didn't think she would ever be able to go to public school. But with a lot of love, understanding, dedication and working together she entered kindergarden in a public school and has been on the honor roll at times, she speaks another language and will graduate next year.
It was well worth every moment and I would do it again. But be clear about this...it does take dedication....devotion and lots of love. You have to find the right specialist to help them and you. Good luck to you and the children.

Randy B

I've not had any personal experience but a friend of mine has and she is of the opinion that there is no such thing as a "mild" case. That could just be her opinion but I do know it's not an easy thing to deal with. All I can suggest is that you ensure you are well informed before you commit. Not only for your sake but of course for the sake of the children as well. Good luck.

tattooedgemini

my ason is not yet officially diagnosed with anything but from what i know so far that along with fetal alcohol are what he will be diagnosed with when they have finished testing him. he is a sweet boy when he wants to be and handles himself beautifully with strangers abd he did with us when we first met him, all we were told about him really was that he had problems and they thought he was 'slow'. he was behind developmentally but he is not anymore after a bit of work, he caught up quickly. he has a lot of behaviour problems that it would have been nice to know about that are the reason why he is (probably) going to be diagnosed as rad. he yells and screams often. he hits and kicks us and the other kids. he doesn't listen. he hides food and he plays with his feses making a huge mess. he won't hug abd doesn't like being touched. he gets very distructive. he breaks things on purpose and has torn the baseboards and chair rails off the walls in his room, ripped up two sets of curtains and a matress. he hits himself and picks at his face until it bleeds. there's more, but you get the point. i think that his behaviour has peaked. his outbusts used to be every day and they aren't anymore. for a while it was horrible and it was getting worse and worse for just over a year. i'm not trying to scare you, i'm just being honest. all i could do is just keep trying to show him i love him. he says he loves me back to me now, and he hasn't injured himself in a few weeks but he still cries a lot. just less. he lets me 'pet' his back now and hugs my leg. it has been hard but i can see the light at the end of the tunnel now and the sweet boy he was when we first met him(before he lost another family by moving here) comes out more so i know we must be doing something right, anyways, if you decide to bring these kids into your family it will take patience and understanding, it's worth it though. just make sure you are ready. i find having his own space helps him out so he can just go in there when he needs to and have alone time. so does telling him 'i still love you' after he is disciplined and rewarding good behaviour abd progress. hope this helps.... btw it may just seem mild for now. we did not see anything major right away either, it started to come out more after he was transitioned here and he realized he wasn't going back to his foster parents

wifeandmom

My son has RAD. He is 7yo. I have had him since he was 4. When he got to us he had days where we could not come near him or he would breakdown and start getting mad. He would do things to push us away. We are a very touchy family and this was hard for all of us. As time has went on we have learned what to do with our son and the good times are staying longer. We have went since August without an signs of it affecting him. We use stages with him. We say good stage and bad stage. It lets him know that this will pass and we will be ok. He fights to get out of the feelings that sometimes take over. But as he gets older he seems to be able to pull himself out easier. Not that it is easy to reach our son when he is pushing us away. But through our children we have learned to use some techniques that work. One we use is cleaning walls when he wants to draw on walls. We say something like "thanks you must want to clean walls" Then we get all the rest of the family (there is 8 of us) to draw on the walls. Then we hand him a sponge and he goes to work. It is something that works for him. It is us coming together as a family to show him that as a family we will handle him. When he pulls out of it we make cookies as a family and he joins in. It is something that clicks with him. Our family as a whole has many behavior issues in it but as a family we get through them all. Just know that words are just words, actions are just actions, but a hug is so much more.

Jennifer L

My best advice to you is to do a LOT of research on RAD and ADHD. Don't trust the social workers on this one. You need to do the research on your own. This is not something to go into without a clear understanding of the needs of these children.

Opedial

I would suggest reading more on the subject, but also that many children in foster homes are misdiagnosed!

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