Adopting an older child with bioligical younger kids?

Joy M

This is a very serious undertaking, please find your answers on other places vs. yahoo answers, it can have serious reprocussions for all family members. This is not something to be taken lightly.

luvcaramel

There shouldn't be an issue with you having younger kids already. As long DCF finds that you all are a good loving parents there should be no problem.

rox

One thing you might consider is whether or not this child has been through abuse and might act out with younger children. Finding out that the child has a history of abuse does NOT mean they will abuse your children! But finding out that the child has a history of abusing other children, probably DOES mean you would want to protect your younger children from that.

It is something to think about, because adopting a child and then sending them back will be SOOOO devastating for that child. So be sure you're ready to work through whatever issues will be present and be able to provide for you other kids as well.

I don''t think you will have a problem with DFC.

Good luck!!! It really will make a difference in someone's life that might otherwise not have felt like they had real family anywhere they could turn to.

momofone

Overall there are no age requirements of younger children when adopting through a state agency. HOWEVER, there may be specific age requirements when considering a specific child to adopt.

My only advise to you at this point is to make sure that the child you are adopting has current mental heath records and social history. Make sure you read these documents closely. Also make sure you understand the abuse and neglect they went through (if applicable) and how it will effect their behavior with YOUR children. An option for you as well (maybe you already know this) is That you can foster the child for a little time before you actually sign the papers. Some states offer a stipend to adoptive families. Make sure you understand if the child you adopt is entitled to a monthly stipend. Good luck

pookiesmom

I've always hear you should keep the children in birth order..younger then any children in the house already. I think it's wonderful that you want to adopt an older child but you really have to be careful in learning all about their past and what they have been through. Some things may not be told and it could be brought onto yoru younger children or come out after the child has been in your home a while. This happened to 2 families I know, one was very extreme and they definitely should have been told about the child's past.

Tsunami

think this would be great.

StacieG

Adopting out of birth order will bring complications. If you go into it KNOWING you were called to do it, well studied, well supported and ready to get help if/when you need it, you should be ok.

One resource I'd like to point you to is this one: http://www.tapestrybooks.com/Default.asp?c=124123 which is Tapestry Books. They have good information on older child adoption and also the whole birth order thing.

Definitely talk to other parents who've done it & find out what their challenges were. Get involved in an adoptive parent support group so you can get around people with experience in the trenches. You can contact your state's child welfare office (go to http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/reslist/rl_dsp_website.cfm?typeID=10&rate_chno=AZ-0002E to find contact info for your state). Ask them for adoptive family support groups. You could also find your state's Children's Aid Society to find a support group -- I'm sure they'll have it in their list of resources as well.

Find a good therapist or counselor with lots of experience in adoption...preferably older child adoption. Counsel with them beforehand about things to consider and have their number handy for if/when you need it once the child comes into your home. The reason you want a professional with experience in adoption is that there are a lot of really good therapists out there with no experience in adoption who give bad advice just because they're not knowledgeable on the intricacies of adoption and the relationships between the adopted child & their new family. You don't need any guilt, condemnation or bad advice from someone you need help from.

Definitely pray about it & see if it's what you're really supposed to do. Maybe what you're supposed to do to help the older kids in care is be a mentor or share a skill with some of them to help them have a brighter future.

Consider all the ins & outs. Older child adoption is not easy but it's also extremely fulfilling if you know you're supposed to do it.

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