Adopting and native language Q- India

The other day there were questions about how Aparents should encourage their child to learn their "native" language, to be able to communicate with their firstparents.

Despite what some people think, I AM in favor of that. I never intended to say that this is NOT important. I simply was agreeing, in my answer, with the Original posters, that not all ADOPTEES feel that this is important, that there is only so much an Aparent can do, ect, etc.. I just get real tired of all this modern pop psychology that makes us blame all our deficiencies on our parents. It's silly. Doesn't help us be better people..

Anyway.. wanted to clarify that, but my question is this:

I'm open to any type of ethically done adoption, and I've been thinking lately that if I do international, I might adopt from India. Now, that's if it's allowed, etc.. I'm not sure what the policies are.. The reason is that I really feel I could go along way to incorporating the Indian Culture into my family if I had an child from India.

But I'm wondering what you all think about the "language" issue with India. See, English, from what I understand, is pretty much the only "official" language of India. It is emphasized, and most Indians (unless they are very very uneducated) can speak it.

I could be wrong in some cases, but that is what I understand. One of my best friends is from India. She's lived there her whole life, and we met when she came fresh from India to college here in America. Now we are still close, she lives very very near me (same neighborhood) and she's married to an American. She has never been fluent in any lanuage besides English, BTW.. Her parents emphasised English to the detriment of her learnign any other language. She's from Tamil Nadu, and she knows a bit of Tamil, but is far from speaking it fluently. She also, I'm sure, knows a few words and phrases in Hindi..

But really, ENglish is really her only language. From what I understand, this is not uncommon for middle class and up, in India.

So, if one were to adopt a child from India, how much effort would you feel needs to be put into encouraging the child to learn other "indian" languages. There's so many in India.. that's why the Indians depend on ENglish to be the language that binds them together..

Thoughts??

Additional Details
Jack- My friend in fact does NOT know much Hindi.

I didn't mean to say that Indians need English to be the language that binds them together. What I meant is that it appears that English IS the language that binds them together, from what I understand. But my information is not infallible.

Jackass

I'm from Tamil Nadu too (Thiruvanmayur; but I'm in Toronto right now, moved three months ago)!!! and I know just a little bit of tamil. The reason for this is that Indian parents want their kids to go outside India and become successful, so we're trained to talk English 24/7 at home and outside. She must know Hindi since Hindi is the staple language of India. And it is a little uncommon for her to not know Hindi properly... I can't exactly agree with you that Indians need ENGLISH to be the anguage that binds them... Hindi is the language that binds them together. It's NOT English though most of us know it, we speak HIndi because it's Indian and it gives us some national pride......

Randy B

While I'm not East Indian myself I did live there for three years and my wife and I adopted our oldest daughter while we were there. I've never heard that english was the only "official" language there. Its certainly spoken by many people, to varying degrees of proficiency, but it's far from being any official language. And that was in New Delhi. In any city/town outside of that it's spoken even less. I mean, an english speaking tourist can get by but depending upon where they are and where they are staying it can be a bit of an adventure (never send your maid out to buy a christmas turkey unless you are happy eating buzzard)

When I lived there I had a driver who spoke Hindi and Urdu (sp?) while our maid spoke Hindi, Tamil, Terigu and Urdu. By and large, most people either speak Hindi or one of the other languages that were similar enough that they could get along no matter where they were in the country.

When out daughter came to us she was 8 months old and had been in one of Mother Theresa's orphanages since she was 2 days old. I'll always remember the first night we had her at home and she was crying. She was so badly constipated from malnutritian that she was in pain. Anyway, we could not sooth her no matter what we did or said. The maid from the next apartment came over and in second she was quiet. I asked what she was saying to her and she told us she was saying "Shhhh little one, enough, enough" in Hindi. We had been saying similar things in soothing tones to her but in English. She didn't understand us. Over the next few days we learned enough Hindi to be able to sooth her when needed and to interact with her in a parent/baby way. It didn't last long though because everything she heard around her from that day on, both from my wife and I and from the Indians we interacted with, was in english. I was even told by many Indians not to worry about it because english is what she would be speaking for her life and "english was the language of the world".

Now our situation was a bit different because we never had bio parents to meet any time in the future. About the only word my daughter ever spoke and retained for any time in Hindi was "hathi" which means elephant. Other then that she has been english for all of her 15 years and she has expressed to us on more then one occassion that she doesn't want to learn Hindi or know anything more about India then she already knows. She's always considered herself Canadian... not Indian, not Indo-Canadian or any other "-" Canadian. We've always let her know we would support her and help her if she wanted to know more but she never has.

Ariana

Let's start from the beginning ... In India... the languages are English for schooling and Hindi. Your friend might be from a very high class and speak only English maybe... Imnot sure about the particulars of your friend's background. But the MAJORITY will speak Hindi and English.
Now as far as adopting a child from India... I think it'd be far more important to help that child learn Indian culture and history than the language. Living in the US your child will learn and speak English, but as she/he grows up it'd be interesting that you adopt certain celebrations, foods, etc so your child is aware of her roots. When the child gets older he/she can learn Hindi if he/she wishes.

Mommy times 2!

You'll be wanting a baby from a lower-class woman who is only giving away her flesh and blood because she can't afford to feed him/her, so you'll have to find out whether or not the lower class in India are allowed to learn foreign languages. Don't they have a caste system there? You'll want to take advantage of the weakest, poorest woman possible in order to procure a baby, and I would guess that the lower class don't have as many educational opportunities as the middle class women who have the luxury of keeping their own children and teaching them other languages.

edit: Mmmhmmm...suuuuuure.

Independ"ant"

CPL knows what she's talking about you might want to open up your ears. Its not the upper/middle class giving up their children. Remember every Ap has their own definitions of ethics and morals. Look at China and Guatemala Ap's and how the term "orphan" has been redefined by them.

I think its sad, pathetic and sometimes cruel for adoptive parents to raise an a-child from a different religion, up in just christianity. It would be better for the child to be exposed to their mothers religion "equally" throughout their childhood. I think its an a-parents responsiblity to make sure both religions or cultures are just as important in the house regardless of what the a-parent want or is. To say the child has a choice to do what they want as an adult is just selfish, narrow minded and wrong when the a-child has been forced to practice what the a-parents wanted their entire life. It reminds me stockholm syndrome.

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i think if you do adopt a child from india it will be okay if it doesn't know its native language and when the child grows up the child can decide if they want to learn the hindu language

Lola

I'm a good american christian mom and would never allow my a-child to practice any other religion or culture in my house. Jesus Christ is the lord in our life. Then they can do what ever they want after they turn 21. I go to Vietnamese restaurants once in a while so she can remember the country she was born in. The owners of the restaurant think she adorable and know she's blessed to be in the US. I think some people are just jealous. I'm going to adopt from China after I lose another 100lbs. I'm so excited.

Jay L

I am assuming the child lives in the US. My feeling is the child should be treated as any other American kid. No special language classes. What are the odds that the kid will go back to India.

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