Adopting my bros kids?

My brother and his girlfriend lost their parental right to their children.
I was asked by the kids social worker if i would adopt the children, At the time I said YES.

But now am not sure, both parents are meths addicts and are violent people.
The kids were taken away first from the mother because of domestic abuse and toward my brother and for endangering the children and a meths run.

OH also the last baby was a drug baby Mother had used drugs the morning of the baby's birth. That's how this whole thing go started. Then they were given to my brother after a few months my brother was angry and was going to hit my mother and my 18 year old got in the way to stop him and ended up being the one that was Hit punched in the face busted his lip and black-eye.

So after that the kids were taken away and put in foster care.

Now should I adopt my Bros kids if he is that violent?

Also he told the social worker that if he didn't get his kids back he will kidnap them and if she got in the way he will hurt her.

The kids mother may not live long she is too into drugs and has been put in jail several times.

Both parents know were I live and I have two kids of my own
Additional Details
all Children are under 6 years old My kids and my Brothers.
I LOVE those kids thats not why am not sure I know in my heart that I will be there for them. I am a hands on mom I do it all I go to PTA meetings volunter in their class room, am involed in all aspects of their lives with both sets of kids I have been there for my brothers kids and I love them sooo much just as if they were my own kids.

truepaige

You have an enormous amount of weight on your shoulders and some very serious decisions to make !
First off .. even if you decide to adopt your brothers children .. they are going to need a brand of help that will require great attention, time, therapy etc. Can you provide that level of commitment? Also, in all likelihood these kids have been exposed to an entirely different set of social norms that they will not only certainly bring with them but possibly introduce to your children. How old are your children ? Could they be susceptible to harm through learning things many from the cousins that kids shouldnt be exposed to yet at their ages? Are they at ages where they already know right from wrong and possibly able to rebuff negative influences?
And then the issue of violence - First of all .. how would the rest of your family feel about your taking the children in? Would you have their support? Second .. is it possible your brother might accept this as a reasonable compromise? It sounds like he has no choice .. he cannot and does not care for the children .. so the state took then and likely has no intent on returning these children to this environment. Might he find some peace in knowing that the children are being cared for within the family?
It sounds like your brother is on his way straight to jail anyway if his behavior is any indication so he may not be in your hair for too long anyway !
How small are your brothers children ? Obviously the less time spent in such an environment .. kids have a better chance of making it through. Especially with a solid home and family life for the remainder. But again .. especially where drugs were consumed in utero .. you can be sure there will be developmental issues throughout.
While it's true that you might not know where the kids end up .. and that is hard to swallow .. there are good homes out there .. homes where foster and adoptive parents have experience with such issues.
Talk to the caseworker and see what the kids' options really are in your area .. sometimes when the outlook is too grim to face .. life makes a decision for you. Also .. check out some local support groups for families with children with developmental disorders. See what you might be in for over the long haul.
Maybe these babies were meant to be raised by you and your family .. only you can decide.
I doubt i answered any major questions but i hope i was helpful in maybe suggesting some ways to gather info to help you make your decision.
In the end .. you do have to think about your own safety and the safety of your own family .. that piece of the puzzle will be paramount.
I wish you all the strength in the world in making your decision. The fact that you are considering all of this is noble in itself.

Take Care

Annabelle

Well thats a tough one. They are your family though and the alternative would be foster care right? If your brother is a violent drug addict your family is always in danger right? Any time he comes around needing money for a fix or whatever. I do understand your fear for your family and you have to do whats best for you but I wouldnt let me neices and nephews end up in foster care.

cruzgirlz3

You do need to be sure. Maybe adoption is too big a step to take right now. Maybe it would be best for you to become the children's legal guardians. This would give everyone a "cooling down" time. Time to assess and time to figure out what is best for everyone involved.

lostandfound

oh please take them don't let them slip into the system but the worst would be the parents and the kids would not get to see each other,if you are a b**** as my sister she's a control freak,if you take them do it for the kids and think when they are older they will love you for saving them for an uncertain future please take them keep em in your family

â™¥â™¥Ritaâ™¥â™¥

You need to make sure this is what you want to do for the kids' sake. I do hope you figure this out, decide and then adopt them as they will still have their family connections.

Has anyone told the district attorney what he is threatening?? This type of behavior could get him some jail time. If it were me, I think I would talk with the DA myself since this is a forever proposition. .

Hopefully he will get some sense about him and realize he may not have them but at least they are with family and if he is a good boy then he can still have a relationship with them.

Deep

here is what i would do. i would take your kids and your brothers kids and move to a new neighborhood and change their schools. if he knows where you work change that too. maybe though if he told the social worker such threats there's a way to get a peace order in place so he is not able to come around you or the kids, however if hes all drugged up that might not help. moving the kids and yourself out of danger would be safest.
I would take those kids because you are helping your family. he may one day get clean in which case you would be able to give them back if it was a safe environment. those kids need a loving supportive environment which sounds like what you are providing for your kids, instead of being shoved into the system. good luck its a hard decision.

Amy J

It's so sad to hear such a story, but I know this is way more common than anyone would think. I don't think it's in the best interest or safety of you or the children. You cannot live your life everyday in fear of your brother's violence. I couldnt imagine puting yourself or the kids through that, sounds like they've been through enough already. I would ask the social worker to place them in another county even but that you may keep contact with them. At least until your brother gets cleaned up. It doesn't sound safe for you to take the children with the threats of kidnapping. My prayers are with you!

friends R gifts we give ourself

as a sister i say adopt just to keep them in the family. as a mother i say your children come first and if you can't get away from your brother don't do it. now as a child shrink, i say it's completely unhealthy. i would make sure i couldn't didn't want to adopt them, then i'd talk to the social worker and ask if you can recommend a friend for the adoption, do you have someone in mind? but if not i'd at least make sure the adoption is open so you always know where the children are and that they are safe. but we can all tell you about what we would do but honestly every situation is different and the choice must come from within you, i can say from experience you don't want to adopt them because you feel obligated, you will know if it's right. when my twin was killed i didn't even think about any other option for her daughter, she was coming home with me and i was going to raise her. that was 5 yrs ago and i just knew it was what was right. not because my sister would have wanted it, but because my heart said do it. so you will know what is right for you and your children. and you will do what is right because you are a good mom.

Carrie Ellaâ™¥Edward Cullen

I know that being adopted is hard, at least it is for me... and if i knew that "my uncle" was "my dad" i would want to be put back up for adoption

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

you said: "But now am not sure"

you MUST be 100%.

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