Adoption: Beneficial or Harmful?

PhilM

I know of no benefits to adoption that cannot be achieved by other arrangements that would be both more honest and more useful in helping all involved deal with the emotional fallout that adoption brings with it. Arrangements like legal guardianship can provide the same benefits to the child, without erasing identities and playing make-believe that this is the child's only family on the planet.

Torrejon

In my case, adoption saved me from multi-generational incest and physical/mental abuse...of that I am sure. The unfortunate fact of being raised by people who resented my presence is still under scrutiny.

Adoption provided me with a secure family structure in which to thrive...which I did.

Luckily, I accepted and dealt with my primal wound in the most positive manner possible. I know of few adoptees as well adusted as I am.

Zeena

There are so many ups and downs about adoption, it really depends on the adoptive children and the adoptive parents as well as the birth families.

Not all adoptions are happy and not all are sad.It varies.

In my case(s) me and my fiancee are going to adopt my niece/nephew once he/she is born.It will be my twin sister's child,She has terrible anxiety issues that medication and therapy cannot fix and she doesn't want to deal with that and have a kid.The father wants to sign his rights over as soon as possible.

I've asked both to seriously consult this permanent choice because there are no "re-do's".They are both sure of their decision but find comfort that they can still watch the child grow up since it will be an open adoption.

As far as my parents go, they never desired kids yet kept popping them out.I have three biological siblings that have been adopted by my parents.They had one biological child before we came into the picture.

We all did meet our biological family but to be honest, I have on desire to maintain a relationship with them.I have a mother and a father who wanted me as they did not.Even if they regret their decisions that's on them and I don't feel bad for that.

Sure we grew up wondering about this missing chunk in our life but it didn't define our identities.WE define our identities.It just is what it is and there is no point dwelling on it.

If I had a chance to rewind things and choose to have our bio parents keep us or our parents to adopt us, I choose my adoptive parents.

But that's just me.

Anastasia's Mommy

It really depends on the adoptive parents, their motives and what goes on behind the scenes to know whether or not the adoption was beneficial or harmful.

Mei-Ling

Benefits: Gaining a good family.

Non-Benefits: Losing a family, language and culture.

Extra Non-Benefits: Having people assume that your adopted culture is better off than your original one.

furfur

Interesting that a poster above mentioned that adotpion should only take place in instances of abuse or neglect...just something to ponder...what if you have a first mom who has a history of a major mental illness and she cannot provide for herself....what if financially she cannot provide for another child because she cannot provide for herself and let's just say threoretically does not qualify for assistance programs. Is it then wrong to place a child for adoption to prevent that abuse/neglect to occur even if it has yet to take place? If a woman is cognizant of her issues and knows she will fall short; who are we to judge and force parenthood upon her?

To answer the question: Adoption is harmful when families are unnecessarily separated (BSE), but can be good when a child is removed from a potentially abusive or neglectful situation. either way, the first parents need counseling to see if they can make it happen and if not, that is when adoption comes into play.

Serenity71

To have parents.... (that you one day discover are human and make mistakes.)

Is it harmful or beneficial?

BLW_KAM

Both. There is great loss for the child being separated from his/her birth family. There is great loss for the birth family being separated from the child.

But there can also be great benefits. In our case, our daughter is being raised in a stable environment, same school, same home, same dad in her life, lots of pets, and money for necessities and fun. Her sister is living a very different life and it's painful to listen to her tell us some of her life's stories. We hear about abuse and addiction issues and things an 11 year-old just shouldn't have to know about.

Is our daughter better off with us? Only time will tell.

Kimbra

I think adoption is beneficial. Both my younger brother and myself were adopted- my adoptive parents can't have children of their own. I was adopted at birth, and my brother was adopted from South Korea.

My biological parents were young and couldn't take care of me, and I think that it was a good decision to give me to someone who could. It's never been a secret that my brother and I were adopted, so there was no big traumatizing revelation.. we've just known since we were old enough to understand. I've never really had a problem with not being with my genetic family, I have parents already and have no desire for more.

My brother, however, has had more problems with it than I have in the last couple years. He's 15, and recently has had the desire to learn about his Korean culture and become more a part of his heritage. Our parents, of course, are very supportive and this has helped him a lot.

It really all depends on the adoptive parents. As long as they're willing to raise their adoptive children right and always be supportive of them, whether they have a hard time with being adopted or not, I say beneficial.

Ben's Mango ^.^

Beneficial, I'd say. My mom's trying to adopt my cousin (who's an orphan at the moment, both of her parents are dead) and she's really happy about it. She keeps saying she can't wait to come to America to live with us (she's a really smart 9 year old, 10 in October, so she knows what she's talking about). Sadly, that means she has to learn a new language. But at least she'll have a family now and a big sister to take care of her. =D

Shelly P. Tofu, E.M.T.

There is no right answer to this question, because every child, every situation is different. Sometimes adoption is harmful to a particular child.. sometimes it is beneficial..

Anyone who gives (or implies) a "one or the other" answer to this question without qualifying it, is biased and obviously not looking at it from all angles.

Is adoption beneficial to someone given up by a young mother who would have loved the child (just needed a little help for a few years) and given to a family who never treats the child as "their own" doesn't let them know his/her firstparents..or abuses him/her.... probably not.. It's probably harmful

Is adoption beneficial for a child whose mother has serious drug habit or mental problems and could care less about the baby, and given to a loving family who is truthful to teh child and allows as much contact with as much of the first family as healthy and safe.... probably.

Is adoption beneficial to a child who's parents' rights have been terminated by the state, and he/she has been going from foster home to foster home for 3 years... probably, what child wouldn't want a "permanent" family?

myst1998

I think you have your answer in this comment:

"- especially for couples who are unable to have children themselves"

Finally someone with enough guts to post what adoption is REALLY all about! Its not about those poor little kids who needs homes and are languishing in government systems, its not about giving kids second chances, its about providing children to those who cannot have kids themselves and therefore is HARMFUL. Harmful because it creates a demand and where there is a demand, people get desperate and do cruel, really cruel things to get what they want without thinking of the consequences their actions have on others. Adoption has so many more harmful aspects to it, I am surprised it is even legal anymore.

Dreamweaver ILF posse 2009

Ask 15 adoptees, you'll get 15million answers. There is no right answer to this. There are too many 'bad' adoptions...too many adoptees who are hurt and angry. I'm actually very happy, well-adjusted, and have no issues but even I have 7 different answers to this question! Its both and neither and I just don't have the 27 pages it would take to explain each and every point.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

i don't know of any benefits, except for the parents get a kid.

being adopted=losing your family, your heritage, your identity, etc.

potawatomikwe87

Adoption is a wonderful thing-- especially for couples who are unable to have children themselves. It provides children with a loving family, and pulls them out of the "system" of being passed from house to house or crammed in with loads of other kids.

The only downside I can think of is in a closed adoption, the adopted child may have a genetic family history of a certain type of desease and won't know about it.

Gaia Raain

Families should not be separated unless it's absolutely necessary, as in cases of abuse and neglect. So, that rules out the majority of adoptions in the US right now. The remaining adoptions (those from foster care, generally) are still not necessarily "beneficial", because adoptees are not treated equally under the law. In all but 6 states, adoptee's records are sealed away from them for life. Each person ought to have the right to access their own identity. Not to mention the fact that some adoptive homes are abusive, or only in it for the money (some foster adoptions come with a government subsidy), or the child is given the job of fulfilling the adults who wanted a baby but couldn't make one on their own. That's too much to expect of a child who has already lost so much.

In general, adoption is harmful. Some adoptions are beneficial. But it's a very, very small number.

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