Adoption: Has anyone given their baby up for adoption?

Peace Yo

The father deserves to know. Talk to him and make a decision together.

If he wants you to do something that you don't want or can't do then follow your heart and do what is right for YOU. This child does not need a two parent home and the best of everything.

If you are going to consider relinquishment research the emotional effects of it not just the procedures of the process. Many relinquishing mothers live to regret their decision while others go on without regret. Dive into research now and talk to those who have been there before you. Hopefully you will understand if it's something you can live with, or not.

Adoption doesn't always resolve an issue of crisis pregnancy. Sometimes it creates a bigger, very painful problem that is life long. Be careful and research, research, research!

snowwillow20

I gave up my daughter 35 years ago (1972), I wished to God I hadn't. I wish I could have found another way, had family to help me, insisted that this could not be the right thing to do. It left me empty and sad for so long. Even when my son was born for that first year, everytime I looked at him, I thought, what does she look like. Then there were the years of denial, when I pretended she had never exsisted, then her birthday would come and I'd fall apart. I kept my secret for 29 years, my boyfriend knew, my mom and his parents knew. It was too much of a secret to keep but I did. I thought if people knew, they would think of me as a wothless piece of crap, because I thought of myself that way. I married my boyfriend in 1973 and we have 1 son. We have been married 34 years. In 2001 I found my daughter, living 100 miles from me. We have a friendship but I missed out on so much. She is married with 3 kids who do not call me grandma. She calls me by my first name. I am not her mother. Her mom is a good woman, but no one can take away those feelings of abandonment and when a child asks, who do I look like, what can you say? I am happy to know her now, but if I knew what I know now, maybe I would done some thing differently. We have both been through counsiling and that helped some. Maybe open odoptions are easier, but i doubt it. I am not anti adoption, I just want you to stop and think about this long and hard, this is not only about you but about the life of your baby and discuss it with your boyfriend, parents and clergy
I did not see your details, so you are definately old enough to make an informed decision. I had assumed you were young. I'm not going to chatise you for not using birth control. I pray that you are not pregnant.

Alysia B

Ok, so the father really needs to know this, whether he will be happy about it or not. The avenue you take has to be the right one for you, however, he does have a right to know.

Ms. AK

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be sure this is what you want, pray about it, think about it, go over every option at least 100 times and decide completely what you want to do. I placed my Son for adoption because my family pushed me to, from the time I "decided" to the time he was gone was 9 days. If I would have had more time I never would have placed him. I'm now thinking of trying to get him back (was only 2 months ago) but if I do The adoptive parents will be crushed, so I can't stress enough that you need to be completely 100%, without a shadow of a doubt SURE when you make your decision (Whatever it is) that it's what you want and that you'll be happy. If you decide adoption, www.itsaboutlove.com is the best site out there in my opinion, if you need to talk more feel free to e-mail me. Best of luck to you... you're going to need it :)

momofone

Well if you have only known him since April and you have not told him yet then how do you know he would not want to parent this child. He may just surpirse you!!! You really need to talk to him before you do anything next. Then you can make a better decision for yourself, the baby, your current children and your boyfriend.......Good luck and best wishes.

Ice

Have you asked family members or friends people you trust?

Elizabeth

Adoption is a life-long trauma which many people never recover from.

Are you prepared for your child to hate you for abandoning him/her?

Mothers cannot be replaced.

I can understand not wanting to be a mother, or not being able to be a mother. If that is really truly the case that you cannot parent, have an abortion. It is more merciful than abandonment.

rox

Read the question below yours : (

If you really don't believe there is ANY way you can parent this child, then adoption is an option.

If there is any way you can keep, even if it will be hard, rough times.... you will save yourself a lifetime of heartache, and your child the ache of wondering why their mom kept their borthers/sisters but not them.

I will say this, for most women, whether they think adoption was the right option or not, losing a child to adoption is usually the most painful thing they will ever experience.

IAnd the pain is something that is a part of your life forever.

You might have a lot more time here and there where it doesn't hurt so much, or it's not at the forefront of your mind, but it's presence is simply a part of you for the rest of your life.

Even when adoption is necessary, it really is a tragedy.

I hope you can save yourself from it.

It's hard for a lot of adoptees too, some adoptees have a lot of pain around it, some adoptees feel really sad their mom wanted to keep them so bad but couldn't

and some adopted people are faced with the reality that their moms could have kept them but didn't want to.

It's a really hard thing to go through. I hope you find a way to keep your child, even if it's hard!! I also have a very bizarre "babby daddy" if you will, but he actually has been more involved than you would think.

You just never know.

http://www.soulofadoption.com
http://www.originsusa.org
http://paragraphein.wordpress.com
http://musingsofthelame.blogspot.com

I hope some of those links will be helpful to you!!

grapesgum

I also recommend http://www.origins-usa.org/

Many of the other adoption WEB sites are very,very aggressive when it comes to trying to get mothers to surrender their babies to adoption.

Edited to add:
Do not use this link (www.itsaboutlove.org ) that was posted here. I read what they tell expectant mothers. They tell them that a 2-parent family is always preferred and they tell them that single mothers cannot raise children decently. It is very coercive.

www.itsaboutlove.org ---> Do NOT use!!

Julie R

Yes, go to http://www.origins-usa.org/

Excellent information.

Heather B

Please don't give your baby away to anyone.

This will have a huge impact on the child. Huge. The pain of being unwanted is enourmous.

Although I had a great upbringing I would rather have been aborted than adopted. It would break my adoptive mother's heart to hear me say that, even though she was the best mom in the world, love and nurture never took away the pain of being abandoned. It's like no other pain I've ever known - all else pales in comparison.

Madison

You need to begin by telling the father because he has the right to now. Go by your local Planned Parenthood and they will help you look over every option possible so you can make the right decision.
Here is a good website: http://www.pregnancy-helpline.net/pregnancy_options.htm

Also, you need to talk to a parent or family friend (not sure how old you are) so they can help you make the right choice.

Ravenfeather

Yes, I have. And I thought about it long and hard before doing it.
I was married and had four children and neither my husband nor myself wanted to have an abortion.

I gave myself until the birth of the child to be absolutely sure...but as soon as he was born, my mind was made up. It was the hardest thing I have ever done and the most moving thing that I have ever done.

Yes, the father has a right to know. Ideally, you should make the decision together. If he doesn't want to have anything to do with the baby or the decision, then it is up to you. Yes, you do need support. (I was lucky enough to have it)

If you give it up, all the ducks should be in order and clear-cut. All the arrangements, including if it is open, when and if he/she gets to know you should be out in the open and agreed upon before hand.

If you do decide for adoption, read the book (written for children) "Why Was I Adopted?" (There's no need if that is not an option you have chosen)

Just remember to keep the baby's welfare first and foremost in your mind. Giving it up and taking it back would be a terrible thing to do, so don't do that.

The family that adopted my baby were friends, so it was almost like family. That helped. I heard that arranged open adoptions work well, if there is good support.

Just don't keep the baby out of sentimentality or give it up from pressure. You have to do what feels right for you...otherwise you will have many regrets and feel terrible.

in COGNITO *

first tell the father...ther RUN I say RUN from Y/A. You won't get fair answer. Most people here are either looking for a baby or think that adoption is the worst thing that can happen to anyone.

Now,... you never know how someone will react to hearing that they will be a dad. It's different when it actually happens. If you find that your are truely UNABLE to care for your son/daughter then maybe consider placing with a family member..

God bless

Amy B

Try www.itsaboutlove.org -- its'a site for a non-profit Christian adoption agency with locations throughout the US. Their services are free of charge to birth mothers and they will help you to explore your options. They WILL NOT pressure you to place the baby for adoption!!! There are also profiles of prospective adoptive couples who are waiting to adopt so you can look and get some idea of couples that are out there. This is the agency my husband and I went through to adopt our little girl and we will go through them again for the next one. Good luck!

mjoy2685

planned parenthood. They will help you make the best decision. Good Luck!

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