Adoption/ Having sole custody?
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Adoption/ Having sole custody?
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I have a 3 year old daughter (she will be 4 in September)
I was married to her father, we got divorced when she was about 4 months old and I haven't seen or heard from him since. He paid child support for about a month.
My fiancee and I got together when she was about 6 months old, he has taken part in her b-days, holidays, etc. As far as she knows, he is her daddy (she obviously wouldn't remember the biological)
I received a notice in the mail that an employer had been located and a payment has been sent to me. I have a college degree, a great career, and am in no fear of being out of a job for long. I really honestly don't want or need his money. The problem is the child support is court ordered so I can't just say I don't want it!
I'm 23 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child and my fiancee wants to adopt the 3 year old - but we aren't married yet so the court won't allow it. My worst fear is that something will happen to me and my children will be separated and my daughter will be placed with her biological father who she doesn't even know! I'm pretty sure he would agree to sign his rights over if the child support was to be dropped - although I don't know because I haven't seen him in over 2 years!
My problem is if I hold all rights to her and something happens to me, what would happen to her? Would she be placed in foster care, with my family members... where would she go? Would they allow her to stay with my fiancee, or would my children still be split apart?
I'm going to go talk with my lawyer next week, but I was just wondering if anyone knew of any options that would be good?
I know laws vary from place to place, but in general does anyone have any answers or suggestions?
Additional Details
I already have a college fund for her.
I seriously don't need the money - I'm a nurse and my job isn't going anywhere-unlike all the others. I own my home, I own both my cars - no payments at all - I'm pretty well financially set.
Sorry for the word usage- I always forget.
I don't think making a will would actually work since the biologically father is still alive he would have more say if I were dead or something. She's only 3 so I don't think she could really testify in court yet...
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Kit
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Okay, first of all, if you honestly, truthfully, 100% don't need the money you can go to a judge and see about changing the court order to let the guy off the hook for child support. You are obviously not interested in having him as your girl's father in any real sense, so let him keep his money.
He will have to be the one to give up his rights to his child -and you will need to get him to sign over his parental rights - until then, you should avoid busy intersections, because the moral and legal gray areas involved in leaving custody of your child to someone who is neither your husband nor her father in your will while her father is still alive...they're impressive.
You should ask your lawyer about it while you're getting that child support order revised, but it could turn into an ugly thing, especially if you don't inform her father of this beforehand. |
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Ian Wi
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Get you and your fiancé on the list as parents as soon as possible. She would likely go to the biological father if something were to happen, but there's also a very good chance your fiancé would get her, especially if she testified in court that he is her daddy in her eyes. But you probably don't have to worry about it. He would probably talk to your fiancé in court and sign over the rights. The only worry is if he doesn't show up.
Also, just a tip for invitations and stuff, to avoid faux pas, a fiancée (two e's) is female while a fiancé (one e) is male.
And just take the money. You never know with the recession and everything. |
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Gaia Raain II
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Talk to a lawyer. See if you can get some guardianship papers drawn up. I've been hearing a lot about adoptees having difficulties with their "amended" birth certificates since 9-11. It looks suspicious to have a birth certificate that wasn't issued until 3 years after your child was born. Some have been denied medical insurance, passports, etc. Guardianship doesn't mess with the birth certificate or change the child's identity, but if her father is willing to give up his parental rights, then the guardianship would ensure that her stepfather would raise her if something happened to you. |
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cinnomint17
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I would take the child support money and start a CD for her or a college fund or something for her future if you dont need the money. As for you being worried about your children being separated i would go and fill out a will.
My stepmother did this it basically says if something where to happen to her that my dad would get my stepbrother. |
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Bobbie
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If he wants her her biological father has the first rights over anyone. You can make your new husband custodian of her inheritance if you want. Saying that it slimy but this what we did, I had raised my step son, and I didn't want his crappy mom to have him if something happen to my husband. We to got child custody, got child support, surprise she didn't pay it, for 5 years, guess what that means she owes it. And that is how I adopted, when we pusude child support payment after all these years, it was ALLLOOOTTT to much, so we offered to get rid of it by allowing the adoption. She chose the adoption instead of paying. Don't get me wrong, she and my son have the right to see each other, if they chose, I don't stop that, he is 9 now, but I am mom, and thats that. He would tell you that. As slimy as it was, I couldn't give him up I have loved him sense he was 9 months old and was simply left with us. She never looked back. Good Luck |
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