Adoption : Pro's and Con's of adoption from adoptees and adopters please.?

Bella

I was adopted from China when I was 1. I'm 12 now and I my life is perfectly normal and happy. I don't know who my birth mom is and I don't really care that I don't know. Some people really want to know about their birth parents and think about them all the time, but I don't mind or miss them. Being a kid though, the only bad thing about being adopted is the awkward questions. Since I'm Chinese and my parents are caucasion it kind of stands out. When I was younger people asked questions more openly, and the most annoying one was "who's you real mom?" I hated the word real, because the mom i live with now is my "real" mom. This year I overheard this girl talking and she said "I feel sorry for her because she's never met her 'real' mom." Sigh. But anyway, being adopted hasn't changed me at all. My parents love me exactly the same they would their own child and i do too.

Ariel

I was adopted at birth. It was a semi-open adoption, I guess is the best way to put it. My mother was young when I was born, not even out of highschool. My adoptive parents weren't able to have children, and had been trying to foster, but were having no luck. I was a real blessing, I suppose.

It's a complicated relationship, really. I admire my mother for going through with the pregnancy and for giving me to people who could take care of me. But at the same time, I kind of resent her, not because I think she didn't want me, I know she did. But because I don't know who my biological father is, I don't have a close relationship with my younger sister, even though I now live only a few hours away from her.

I guess I was lucky, being adopted at birth. I didn't have that weird transition of "you're not my mom, who are you, why am I here?" I knew I was adopted, once I knew what the term even meant. Some people don't tell their kids, and it hurts them later when the kids find out. A lot of people don't even know I'm adopted, even though I don't look much like my adoptive parents.

I'm gonna stop rambling now. >.> Overall, adoption is a great thing, with the right people. It gives kids chances they wouldn't have if they stayed with that parent or in that situation.

Ranchmom1

I was adopted at 5 weeks of age.

The pros:

I have really great parents who loved me a lot.
I had a mom and a dad instead of just a mom. My bio dad wanted nothing to do with her or me.
My birthmom got to go on with her life and work without having the financial and emotional strain of raising me on her own. At that time (1967) there was a lot of social stigma too with being a single mom.

The cons:

It was a closed adoption (the only kind available to her in 1967) so I grew up with a lot of blank spots in my life.
I think it's ridiculous that a contract made when I was a minor without my consent is still binding on me today at age 41 (I can't see my original birth certificate for instance and had to hire my adoption agency to find her since I had no information).

As an adoptive mother.

The pros:

Our daughter has a secure home after some horrific childhood experiences.
We gained a really great daughter who is a joy and a treasure to us. : )

The cons:

It's never a happy thing when someone has to leave their family of origin. I wish it had gone well for her there.

melissa607

i am a adoptee and i was adopted at birth .I am now 23 and am try to reconnect with my biologicalprancee but being the way the law is it makes it really hard with such few information my adoptiveprancee knew the truth is i maynevere get to know . i ithink that adoptee should have theopportunityy to reconnect with therebiologicallprancee and family if the want to .who are they to decide if we can or can reach out to our sibling .i have space thathasn'tt yet be filled . hopefully i can find the and statr relationshipip .wish me luck .

murphycat

I was adopted at 7 weeks old and as far as I'm concerned there were mostly only pro's:
Was part of a loving family, never made to feel not 100% part of it. My parents explained to me from a very young age that they chose me and I never felt 'different'. My parents told me when I was 18 what they knew about my birth and when I wanted to find out more they supported me.

Maybe the only con's are that I always wondered about my birth mum - was she happy etc. And ofcourse not knowing about my medical history.

Over the years I did try and find out about my birth mum and a year ago I discovered that she died in 1990 which made me very sad but I also found out that I have a younger half-sister who I am currently trying to find. May be some people may think that is a negative thing for someone who professes to have had a happy childhood but it's just that I am curious about my roots.

I think that adoption, if it's handled right, is a very positive thing.

Expendable

I'm 19 years old and adopted.

Pro's: My adoptive parents are very loving and I was raised in a great home. I've never been treated different because I was adopted, even though I have a brother who is my parents bio son. My grandparents love me and spoil me very much too (and embarrass me by showing all my naked baby pictures to my boyfriends...) I have a great family and wouldn't trade them for the world.

Cons: I became really bitter after finding out more about my biological parents. My bio mom did heroin while she was pregnant with me, and even when I tried to contact her she still didn't want anything to do with me. It makes me really angry sometimes. One time I got so frustrated that I threw my phone against the wall and it broke. It just pisses me off that she refuses to talk to me and could care less about me. Selfish *****

Okay i'm done ranting.

Jack

i would give an answer, but ariel or whatever gave a really really good one:)

Cambria

Pros--
-I love my family. I have great parents and great brothers.
-I had the benefit of being raised in an upper-middle class family
-Having learned about my biodad's family (who would have tried to keep me had they known about it) I am glad I was raised in a family that wasn't that disfunctional
-Life was a lot easier than if I had been raised by either of my bioparents (they were very young.....)

Cons--
-I have serious rejection/abandonment issues that come up a lot in my life
-I wasn't able to have a real connection with my heritage while I was growing up
-I have had panic attacks ever since I was a child that are related to my adoption
-I never knew anyone who looked like me when I was growing up. Which I never knew how important that was until I got in contact with my biodad and I look --sooooooo-- much like his sisters.

Faith K

I was adopted when i was born. i think it is a tough thing to go through. my birthmom had to keep her whole pregnancy secrete form her mom and grandma because they would have made her have an abortion.

i also adopted out my baby when i was 14. it was so hard, but i couldnt take care of him. the adoptive family actulay came to every ultrasound, took my family out to dinner, and took me shopping for clothes. they live about 4 hours away, and i go and see my son sometimes for his birthdays. he knows and understands his adoption.

and i also helped my dad adopt my brother. it is scary becaus ethere is about 11 full months that the birthmom could change her mind. we where in love wiht my brother, but everything went fine.
all over, i think adoption is amazing.

ohoverherenow

I was adopted as a baby by two very loving ppl. My parents are awesome. I always knew I was adopted we celebrated the day when my papers were filed and I was legally theres. We celebrated it as an adoption day It was like a second birthday. I got a cake and presents and even got to have friends over. It made me feel very special.
Im not going to lie though once I got older and started relizing what it meant to be adopted I went threw hell. I cryed myself to sleep wondering where my mom was, if I would ever see her, if she was alive or dead, if she was rich and famous...ect. It was hard.
I have always been thankful for the live that I have and the two angels who chose me. I have since through alot of searching found my biological mother. Which is so awesome. We have a good relationship. Were not really close but its just kinda like we know. We have alot of similarities down to manorisms ( which I always thought was a learned behavior until I meet my mom).
There are a hundred pro's and con's to the question of adoption, however what it comes down to is your giving your baby a chance to live, a chance to have a life, a chance to be who there supposed to be. Down the road if the time is right you will meet again. The universe will make it happen. I do not believe in abortion I believe every child has a right to breathe a right to live. There are millions of ppl who can not have children of there own just waiting to find a baby to hold and raise and share there love with. And those ppl to me are angels.

littlekitten

My husband and I adopted 5 yrs ago after 19 yrs of infertility. Our son is the best thing that has ever happened to us. A total joy to us everyday.
As for adoptees who don't know their birth families, I am from my mothers' 2nd marriage and I am my fathers' only child. I have 4 half brothers & a half sister older than me. My mother said she was pushed into marrying my father for money (what little he had) to keep family services from taking her 5 children from her. My mother was still in love with her first husband and wanted him back but he had already married someone else. (a soap opera) And then I came along and I was unwanted by her. My father divorced her when I was 2 yrs old and to get back at him for it, she wouldn't let his side of the family visit me. I rarely saw my father when I was growing up. My mother didn't get along well with her mother or siblings so I didn't get to see most of them when I was growing up either. When I was 4 yrs old, my oldest sister died which left me as the only girl and my mother started paying attention to me. It didn't last long because she remarried for the 3rd time and had another girl, the last one and my mother started using me as her whipping post. I am 50 yrs old and a few yrs ago, I met an aunt and uncle from my fathers' family. My aunt is wonderful and tells me all about the other family members. I have lots of cousins I have never met.
Even tho' I am not adopted, I can relate to adoptees who say there is something missing in their life. I wish my mother had given me up for adoption.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: