Adoption advice please....?

Lolla

My dear, you are a Muslim, right?
There is no adoption in Islam, you can help rising your brother's kids, but you will remain the aunt not the mother.

I say that they need you, and have the natural love to you because you're their aunt, so this should help having them in your home. Try not to make the mater so formal, as long as they are with you now because their both parents are away, but when the mother is back let them go back to her, and keep observing them. The 9 years old should be aware of how to seek help if she or her sister are abused. Good luck.

Theresa

She's a "plain Jane"?

Oh by all means, you're entitled to her children then.

Wow I feel bad for your sister-in-law. To have both her mother-in-law and her sister-in-law plotting on how to have her kids removed, what a nefarious duo you two are.

Randy B

While I'm usually in favour of adoptions, in this case I think you guys should be spending more time and energy towards helping them become better parents, not trying to figure out how to steal their kids away from them.

Cableguy

There is no decision to make the girls parents are still alive

scallywag

i think your well out of order ...its not up to you to take the kids the mother has just gone to the hospital not died..then its not up to you but the husband he might want them with him ..and have you forgot its not you who decides it the social services ...your thinking of yourself not the mother and father of the kids ..my husband is willing to take the kids on that's good of him there not your kids to have but the WELL mother who needs your SUPPORT ..o and by the way why have you split the kids up one with the mother and one with you just goes to show who's thinking of who ..nice helpfull family you have what makes you think she want you to have them..

Erin L

Wow! I don't even know what to say. If you had to be temporarily hospitalized and it was your sister-in-law's opinion that she was "10 times of a better mother" than you, do you think it would be right that you would lose your son? Stop and really think what you are proposing, seriously.

Anyway, since their is no abuse or neglect, you can't legally adopt your niece without her parents relinquishing their rights. Doesn't sound like they will or should.

Tilly

It's not up to you. It's up to their mother. Regardless of what you think of her parenting skills they are her children and it's up to her what happens to them.

red elephants

You are so completely in the wrong you don't even realize. If I were your sister in law and found out you were plotting this you and your mother would be completely cut out of the lives of my family from that point on. You sound exactly like movies portray in-laws.

Being plain has nothing to do with being a good mom and yes you do sound like you think you are superior and a better person. At least their dad is working and trying to provide for his family.

Your sister in law is sick and probably thinks you and her mother in law are being so great helping her with the kids when she needs to be putting her energy towards recovering all the while you are being a predator and plotting against her.

And yes you are being selfish. You need to get over yourself and butt out. I hope she and her husband find out about this and find someone else to help them through this time. You are a horrible family member and really should feel quite ashamed of yourself.

sunny

Gee, do you think being sick with TB might have something to do with her "laziness"?

Just because you can't have your own children doesn't mean you are entitled to someone else's. Yikes.

grapesgum

Why didn't I ever think of that? Find someone who trusts me and wait until she is sick and then, wham, just swoop down and scoop up one of her kids. In fact, I have a friend whose husband just got laid off. They have three darling boys, one an infant. Money is tight for them, so I could offer to "help" with the middle one (18 months, really cute; the other one is too old and I don't want to be bothered with an infant) and then try to get him away from her. I have always wanted another son, so I could just take someone's child. I have tons more money than they do, am better looking, and have a huge house with a very large lot (alas, not a pool and and pony tho') Great idea!!! Just kick 'em then they are down - that's the American way!

Or, I could help them out over their rough time, loan them some money, buy their kids some clothes and shoes, and offer to watch the kids when they need a break.

ETA - No, you should not wait for something bad to happen to the kids. You should offer to help your sister-in-law rather than plotting with your mother to steal one of her kids. That's what families are for.

Cambria

We don't understand the situation properly?? You already said she isn't a bad mother and now you want everyone to believe that she is a crazy abusive mother who will hurt her children? Get your story straight. Although that may be difficult while your mind is busy plotting ways to steal another woman's child.

How dare you? Just because you feel a sense of entitlement and superiority to this woman does NOT give yout he right to take her child away from her.

And I love how you want to appear -soooooooo- concerned about the children, but only are considering adopting the cute little baby of the pair. Is the older one not worthy of your protection? Wait, let me guess, she's plain and lazy like her mother and therefore doesn't deserve it the same way her mother apparently doesn't deserve her child.

Seek counseling. You are seriously having some issues if you in any way truly believe your desire to take away this couple's child is anything other than absolute selfishness and entitlement.

Heather B

The mother and the father of the children would have to agree to the adoption and voluntarily terminate their parental rights. Or, they'd have to be proven unfit parents in a court of law who would teminate their parental rights.

Spliting up the siblings is kind of a low thing to do IMHO

gypsywinter

You have no right to another woman's child/children, because you are having problems conceiving. Both you and your mother should be ashamed of yourselves....plotting to take your sis-in-law's children while she is ill. SHAME ON YOU!

And you can't ADOPT her children if she and YOUR BROTHER don't surrender them....end of your adoption plotting. I feel sorry for your brother to have a sis & mother such as yourselves.....and I thought my sis-in-law and mother-in-law were bad eggs! Yet you and your mother remind me remarkably of my in-laws. Be careful or you could end up like my in-laws...lonely and miserable...BTW their husbands would also leave them for another woman. The ex-hubbies remarried, but the miserable ones never did find another man to take on their selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed, lackluster selves.

Cool Hal

You should help your brother and sister in law become better parents.

You are only considering this because YOU are sturggling to conceive. Adoption should be about the rights of the children - not as pawns in a grown up relationship.

Additionally as you are from the UK your sister in law and brother both have to sign the rights of their children away and then social services look at the best people available to look after the children. As it would be a sibling adoption and you make no mention of the older child it would unlikely be you.

Or would you be quite happy to rip a family apart as loing as you get the designer family that you want?

ALLAH'S SLAVE

salam...
There are two main kinds of adoption.The first one denotes that a person adopts a child and name him after his adoptive parents, while denying his real parents.Islam makes this kind of adoption impermissible.
The Qur'an refers to this saying: "Proclaim their real parentage. That will be more equitable in the sight of Allah. And if ye know not their fathers, then (they are) your brethren in the faith, and your clients." (Al-Ahzaab:4)
The second kind of adoption, which is strongly recommended in Islam, includes that a person raises a boy or a girl and takes care of him or her as a real father or mother would do to their child, while keeping in mind that the child should be named after his/her biological parents. Islam urges people to follow such a trend in order to spare the homeless or orphan children the problems of vagrancy and lack of nurture. It is a kind of cooperation in that which is good and righteous.
We can say that you are allowed to raise a child and take care of him or her while keeping in mind the following points:

1- You are not allowed to adopt a child by giving him your family name and denying his biological parentsâ€™. The aforementioned verse is a clear example in this respect.
2-When raising kids, we must differentiate between male and female, in the sense that each is treated differently. You are allowed to raise a girl till she reaches puberty and becomes independent. However, regardless of child-parent affection between father and daughter, and regardless the fatherly tender care your husband has for her, you are to bear in mind that Islamically the child is non-mahram to your husband in the sense that the rules of Khalwah (privacy) must be given due respect. All this is to block means of evil and corruption that pervade the non-Muslim societies.
Finally, we pray to Allah Almighty to guide you to the straight path and crown your efforts with success for the noble act you are doing.

LovetheLORDfirst

I think you need to just enjoy the time you have with her and continue to offer your help. Don't try to push adoption just now. They are going through very difficult times. Be supportive, helpful, and loving. She may end up as practically yours anyhow. Offer their father that she stay overnight with you.

Just appreciate and love. Please pray and read the Bible daily.

God bless!

ferhansid

Good decision, if your sister is abusing her children , you have a good reason ton adopt the child and if the child confesses the abuse her mother has put her through, she can go to federal prison.

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