Adoption and change of mind?

Mom of two

No, it is not possible once you sign the papers to relinquish your rights. Each state has a different time frame in which you have to wait, most it is 48 - 72 hours, some are as long as 30 days. Once that period of time elapses and you sign the paperwork, that is it. Speaking as an adoptive mom, if you are unsure, don't do it! I know that it is a hard enough decision to live with as it is when you are sure that you are doing the right thing, you would regret it forever though if you are already having doubts.

Isabel A

The laws vary from state to state. Some agencies actually send expectant mothers to states which have shorter revocation periods (like Utah) in order to secure babies faster.
Check with a lawyer and know your rights before you sign anything.

And if you have any doubts whatsoever, think hard about all of your options. There are many federal programs designed to help people in your situation.
Good luck.

Linny G

Dont give your baby up for adoption. If you are questioning yourself now, it is OBVIOUSLY not the right choice. Your baby deserves to live with and be loved by you, his or her Mother.

Even if a couple says they will have an "open adoption", meaniong they will send you videos, pictures and let you see they child once a year, they dont have to. Open adoption is NOT legally enforceable in the US, EVEN if they sign a contract. That's usually a ploy to get your baby.

Dont do it. Your baby loves you and wants to be with you, and no one else.

Felicita1

I want to clarify one answer that was posted here. You have the rest of your child's life to decide whether you want to raise ("parent") them or not. There is no deadline for deciding this. Don't let anyone tell you that you have to decide within any time frame.

Most places give you a "grace period" after the birth in which the idea is that you can recover from the birth before making your decision. These are normally only a few days. The problem is that it takes at least 2 weeks and up to 6 week preferable to recover from the birth. It is only once these weeks are up that you are in any shape hormonally or physically to make such a life-changing decision.

A decision before this time has been made under pressure, because research has shown that if you can get a mother to "commit" during her pregnancy, she will feel more pressured to surrender her baby and not change her mind. Thus, agencies in North America work to get pregnant women through their doors. Other nations such as Australia protect mothers against such coercion.

You can surrender your child for adoption at any time up until they are 18 years old. They themselves can choose to be adopted by another family after that. What is the rush to do it at birth? Because it gets more mothers to surrender! That's why it's now being promoted! (and agencies and lawyers make lots of money when moms surrender)

The best thing you can do is to recover from birth first, taking your baby home with you and getting all the resources you need to parent first, and *then* consider adoption if you really find you do not love or want your baby. Adoption was not meant for babies who are loved and wanted. It was created to find homes for orphans and abandoned children. If you love your baby, there are resources to help you keep your baby. And don't believe the myths that single parents are stuck in poverty, on welfare, or without education -- recent studies have disproved all of this.

If you need help in finding the resources you need to keep your baby, just let us know where you live and we can help you find them. No child need to surrendered due to "poverty."

Gaia Raain II

Nope. There are at least two parents on this board who have experienced trying to get their children back. They are both fighting long, drawn out, horrendous court battles. Adoption agencies are money machines, and they'll do whatever it takes to make the money off of your baby. And if the PAP's promise you open adoption, be aware that it's not legally enforceable. They could take off, and you'd never see your child again.

If you're even questioning the possibility of whether or not you'd be able to go through with giving your baby away, that tells me that you are not a good candidate for adoption. Keep your baby. Your baby needs YOU. Your baby already knows you, and s/he will be expecting you to hold and nurse her after birth. No other mother can take your place.

monkeykitty83

Many states have a revocation period for the termination of parental rights, during which you can change your mind. This could be as short as 24 hours, or as long as several weeks, depending on your state. A few states don't have a revocation period at all.

For me to be more specific, you'll need to tell us your state. Or you could search on the internet to find out the revocation period for a termination of parental rights in your state. It's totally different depending where you live.

During the revocation period, the adoptive parents would have no say in the matter, and you can take the child back for any reason. They aren't the legal parents until the adoption is finalized. Once the revocation period is over, it's a done deal, and your parental rights to your child are legally severed forever-- you can't change your mind after that.

If you're so unsure about adoption that you're considering changing your mind before you've even placed, though, why not try parenting first? If it doesn't work out, you can always change your mind later and relinquish. And adoption (once finalized) is permanent. I suggest you wait until you've recovered from the birth, and if possible parented your child for awhile, before you consider placing.

If you're considering revoking your TPR before you even sign it, that's a REALLY clear sign that you shouldn't be doing it at this time.

sweetjane

If you sign the paperwork, there MAY be a law in your state that allows you the chance to change your mind for a very short window of time....but it varies from state to state. Once you sign, it is very unlikely that you can change your mind. There will be many people who will tell you to try an 'open adoption' instead. Remember that an open adoption is NOT legally enforcible in ANY state. So, if you were to sign papers with a family who promises that they will allow you visits, cards, pictures, etc....they DO NOT have to actually adhere to their promise. It happens all the time....adoptive parents will change their mind once the papers are signed, and will have nothing to do with you ever again. There isn't a thing you can do about it.
What you can do is raise your child and try to love him/her, try to take care of him....and see where it goes. You may be able to get assistance from DSS/DHEC for pre-natal care, food stamps, medical care for your baby, housing, child care, job resources/training, etc.

Lori A

Mother your child first, if you can't handle it then call an agency. If you call them before making sure this is the right decision of you they will hound you, threaten you, brow beat you, use coercion language and tactics on you and wear you down. They will have you convinced before even trying.

Agencies have more money and more powerful attorney's than you can afford, they will keep the court case going until the child has been with the family so long that the court will decide that staying where they are is in the child's best interest as opposed to being returned.

They will tell you that you can change your mind, that you can have an opened adoption ( not enforceable btw) that you can do what ever you want. they will tell you what ever you want to hear. Reality is that as soon as you clue them in on the fact that you may not be sure they will take extra precautions to see to it that you don't change your mind. Maybe placing your baby right away to get that bond established with the other family, so it looks better in court. (for them not you)

Independ"ant"

Once you place your child in the arms of the Paps....you're going to have to fight them to get your child back. They will use every excuse and unethical self serving tactic to keep your child like acusing you of being unfit. They usually try to drag it out for months/years so you'll give up or the court decides against you. Don't do it...and don't trust anyone when it comes to your child.

stormwarnfm

The laws of the state will dictate how long you have to decide to parent rather than adopting your child.

In some states, the birth mother has 72 hours to decide to keep or adopt, some go up to a month.

At that time, your decision has to become final...parent or adopt.

After the termination of parental rights, you legally have no future rights to your child, and any visitation or contact with your child will need to be pre-set by the adoption agency...and agreed upon by you and the adoptive parents.

The unfortunate side is that most times, the birth mom has no rights if the adoptive parents break their side of the agreement to keep an open adoption with the birth parent...so really think this out.

you have until the adoption is final which in some places is only a few days. Most it is at least 30days after that you are out of luck.

mom of many

there are time limits. If you agreed to let be baby be adopted but have not terminated your parental rights then you can change your mind anytime but if your parental rights were already terminated then you still only have a certain amount of time to appeal this (in Wisconsin its 30 days). But also without knowing the full story, like was the child removed by social services or did you voluntarily agree to all this can determine what happens too. Generally though, if you wait a few years then the answer would definitely be no.

kidmindi

Depends on what state you live in. Call a family law attorney and ask about the laws in your state.

Since you are asking this I am assuming you didn't keep the appt to abort your 22 week pregnancy?

Wait until the baby is born. Hold her, look at her and then decide if you should place her for adoption or raise her yourself. If you really want to raise her, you can find a way. There is help out there for single moms.

However after seeing her, if you are sure that adoption is the best thing for her, then and only then, contact an agency.

Good luck hon.

Rowan

no you cant, once the adoption is finalized. Each state is different though. So i would definetely check into that. If you are having doubts whatsoever, i would reconsider the adoption route.

karcnr

It is possible only if you change your mind within a certain period of time after signing the papers. Every state has different laws, some states have 72 hours and some have 30 days.

LisaHW

Ordinarily, I believe there is a certain amount of time you would have to change your mind; but it isn't very long, and keep in mind that the baby would have begun to bond (or become bonded) to the adoptive mother.

If you have any thoughts at all about changing your mind you should not place the baby for adoption. The only people who should do that are people who think, "I absolutely do not want to keep this baby, and I have no question about that whatsoever."

Myla

I think you should decide before you place the baby for adoption and now allow yourself the option of changing your mind.

If you have to, write down all the reasons you think adoption is better. Then write down all the reason you think keeping the baby is better. Which ever side wins, wins... and its over.

You really should not allow yourself the luxury of changing your mind. The child is a living human who deserves every chance at a happy life. The moment that child is placed with its mother, natural or adoptive, it starts forming bonds. To rip that child away from its mother is cruel and can harm the child for the rest of his or her life.

Search your heart for whatever is best for the baby. If staying with you is best, then keep her and love her to the best of your ability. If giving her up is best, then know in your heart that you made the best possible decision for her and find comfort in the fact that someone else is loving her to the best of their ability.

yeahright

Each state is different. If you are American Indian even more so.

Lillie

Eh, I hate to break this to you Snowy, but babies start "bonding" with their mothers in utero. Placing them in the arms of their adopters at birth only confuses them and severs the pre-existing bond that is already very strong and natural.

To the asker: Wait until you have given birth and given parenting a try before you contact any adoption agency. You do not know if you can raise your child unless you try, right?

Check with your local government assistance office, find out what programs are available to you, get the aid and assistance you need. There IS help out there. Is the father involved? If not, get child support from him. Not for you, but for HIS CHILD. He has an obligation to support the child he created. Even if you don't think YOU want it, then set up a college fund and put the money into that.

Adoption agencies only want one thing...a baby to supply to their paying customers. They will sweet talk you and make promises and seem to be your friend, but in the end, think about it...what is it they want? YOUR BABY. They wouldn't EXIST without babies to provide to the people who are paying for their services. If you change your mind they don't get PAID!!! They will not be fair to you no matter how nice and sweet and wonderful they act to your face.

So do yourself a favor and don't even call one until after you have given birth and given parenting an honest effort.

You owe it to your baby, you owe it to yourself.

it's a girl!

no, you are not able to take the baby back.

M. P

I think that you have 2 weeks to change your mind and then it is final but you can haave an open adoption so they send you pictures and updates and all that

Xander and Marie's Mommy

you have i think a 7 day period in which you can change your mind. but there is a set time limit. if you change your mind afterward it's too late.

sizesmith

I was working with a mother who had originally talked about placing her child. We worked on a 2 week guardianship, where I was going to take the baby, and before she signed relinquishment papers to make it permanent. She did end up changing her mind, and although I didn't want that to happen, I support her decision, and helped her with options to keep the baby.

If an adoptive family won't work with you like that, then don't work with them. There are always others like myself who'd love to adopt again, and willing to take a chance. I don't recomment going over the 2 week period though (an additional 10 days, which is the normal time once the paperwork is signed). It's unsettling to the adoptive parents, and the baby deserves to have the bonding time and the permanency it deserves. The 10 days is for our state, and can vary between nothing and a few months, depending on where you live.

I do strongly urge you to seek someone for open adoption that has had an open adoption in the past and honored it. You have the right to get identifying information, such as their social security numbers and the permission to check their records to see where they might move to in the future. Good luck, no matter what you decide.

enki90

Check with an attorney as to the rules and regulations in your state. Some states allow a waiting period during which the birth mother can change her mind. However, if the adoptive parents to be gave you any form of financial support, be prepared to pay them back.

lillilou

You'll most likely giving it to a couple, who more than anything in this world want to be wonderful parents and give you baby the world. You probably by law, could change your mind, but it would be very very hard on the adoptive parents. You'll have regrets either way.

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