Adoption..being a dad...do I have any say..LONG PLEASE READ AND HELP!!?

SO...where to start?? I am 19 and my girlfriend of a year and I broke up. The NEXT day we find out that she is preganat...she is only 16 years old...and is honestly pretty immature. we thought she was preganant but she didnt want to go for a pregany test...she thought she could just wait 9 months and the baby would pop out and thats it...SO now that we are broken up..I tell her that I want to be a part of the childs life and a good dad(im a pretty good guy with a good head on my shoulders and a good family and i make good money) BUT she is telling me that she doenst want me to be there and that she is going to take the kid out of the country for a year when its born and shes not going to let me see it...and I have no say and all this...she said she would go to the cops and stuff..and she said that she has a case because for about a week I would alwasy try to call and talk to her about it..and I went to her house once when she wouldnt talk to me..her mom is a foster parent..and has 2 kids that live there..and my ex's bestfirnds boyfriend who is wanted for stabbing someone is living there...and the mom knows hes watned...and she is still in school and really immature...im ust wondering if I have any say with the kid...and if I could become the legal gurardian..and things like that...please help me..i really need to knwo...
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ps...we live in vancouver bc cananda

Felicita1

First off, ensure you put yourself on the putative father registry for that province because otherwise she may be able to give up your (plural) baby for adoption without your consent as its father.

Secondly, you have to check into what is required in B.C. to prove paternity -- often involvement during the pregnancy is required. But you are the father and should be able to apply for joint custody. It is YOUR baby too. Find a father's rights organization and information from them on how to ensure she does not surrender your baby and that you can get joint custody (links below).

Third, phone the lawyer referral service for B.C. (link is below). You need legal advice and they can provide you with a 1/2 hour cheap consult.

Fourth: just because a mother is 'immature' before birth does not mean she won't step up to the plate and become mature when she give birth. Read up on how birth focuses teen moms to increase their maturity and goal-oriented direction in life. You cannot judge her at that time by what she is like now.

Fifth: How about try to get back together with her again. She sound very angry at you. Maybe even go for couples' counselling. You need to be partners in parenting for the sake of your child even if you don't live together.

I don't get though why you are posting this in the adoption section: she wants to surrender her baby?

And the legal age of majority in B.C. is 19.

dontknow86

She cant take that child out of the State, You have a good chance of getting the baby. DON'T sign anything. Who knows about this, Her mom? your parents ? Get your parent to help you. and get an Attorney fast.

Ana

Take her to court, you obviously have legal rights to the kid. You ARE the father so why wouldn't you? Just take her to court get a lawyer and explain to them the situation. If you're scared for the baby tell the her home situation and also mention that she threatened to take the baby out of the country.
Well i hope this helps!

LaurieDB

It would be great if you two could work out your differences and get back together. However, whether you do or don't get back together, you absolutely need to do whatever is necessary to establish paternity under the law. That means more than waiting for the birth and having a DNA test. You need to talk to an attorney. Find out if your province has a putative father registry. If it does, sign it yesterday! In fact, since she has spoken of going elsewhere to have the child, sign any putative father registries for all provinces. If she gives birth in a province other than the one in which you two live, and that province has a putative father registry, you MUST be registered on that one. You have to be registered on the putative father registry in the province in which she gives birth.

Another thing you need to do is to start paying support. Courts look at this. They want to see that you have shown involvement in the care of the child, even prior to birth. Give the mother money for the care of the child and DOCUMENT properly. Don't give cash. Give her something traceable (like a check or money order) that is marked as being for her care while pregnant. Do this every month.

Did I say contact an attorney? I'm saying it again. You really need to do this because the laws can be confusing. They can also leave fathers out in the cold. Find out everything you need to do to establish legal paternity and know your rights! There are fathers who are fighting long, hard legal battles after their babies were given up for adoption behind their backs. They didn't sign relinquishment papers, but the mothers found ways around this. This is why you need to establish legal paternity. This is why you need to seek legal counsel.

Zeena

I am not sure how it is in Canada...but in America until you are proven to be the father (paternity test) you have no legal rights.You can go to court (if you have court in Canada) and file for a paternity test when the child is born.

You will then probably have to go to court for child support/custody ruling in which you will probably be given weekend visitation unless you can prove that she is unfit.

She cannot call the cops on you unless you did something wrong.

Make a note of EVERYTHING she is saying now and in the future...that can be used against her.Just be aware that the best interest is that of the child and if either of you are immature, the judge will know.

Remain mature about this and let the judge see how childish and vengeful she is.

Mis

Well first off is she doesn't want to take a test she probably isn't pregnant. She probably just wants the attention. I wouldn't get to upset about it until you know for sure. If she is pregnant then I'm not sure because she is a minor and you are an adult. I wish I could be more help.

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