Adoption confusion / concern / curiosity?

Cybil_Bennet

A lot of people on here sound like they're bullying you to keep it because it's what they consider is right. This is up to you, not people who want to control you - you and the baby are the people who have to live with this choice, so make sure you know your options fully. If you choose to keep the baby or allow him/her to be adopted, it cannot be undone, so think wisely as to whether or not you can support the child financially, emotionally, physically, etc.

Well, ultimately, it doesn't matter what other people think, it's about you doing what you think is right. If you are extremely worried about it, I would explain that you didn't feel capable of being a good parent at this stage in your life, so you are giving this wonderful child to a family who can be everything that he/she deserves. I have personally spent time as a single mother, and it is extremely difficult, but it can be worth it if you can handle it all. I had two nervous break downs in six months and was extremely unhappy, but I made it through to stability. If you are on the fence, talk to someone, look up a hotline even, it may help a lot.

If you feel adoption is best, you should also consider Open adoption, so that you can possibly visit, get updates, and photos. It really helps a lot of bio parents piece-of-mind to actually see that their bio child is thriving. But do keep in mind that it will be up to the adoptive parents on how much contact you get to have.

In my household, there is no difference between the adopted and bio kids. We all get mad at each other sometimes, but we are still a family, they know that they're loved, and they know that they're all equals. And, if it is an Open adoption the child will not have to question who you are or why you gave him/her up, they would have fairly open access to you and your information so they don't have to wonder. Essentially you can give up your parental rights without having to vanish from the child's life entirely. Just do your research, meet the parents before you pick them, and ask them in what ways they would allow you to be involved - warm loving parents are the same whether they're adoptive or not.

chef ramsay is HOT!

i have OCD and severe anxiety im medicated for.

i have also had 3 kids.

i hope that your able ro make the right choice but with the right help you can raise the baby if thats what you want.

good luck

x

Harriet

I think you should keep your baby - you say yourself "I want to keep it". And this is at 10 weeks pregnant, after you give birth you'll probably feel even more strongly that way. Just because you have some OCD issues doesn't mean you won't be a good mother - most first-time mothers feel anxious and not entirely ready and there's no guarantee a married couple would be better for the child. It's nice of you to think of your child's best interests but there are a lot of unhappy adoptees out there. Happy ones too...but basically what I'm trying to say is that based on your question this doesn't sound like something you want to do and I'm sure if you want to you can successfully raise your child yourself. Good luck.

Harriet

â™¥â™¥Ritaâ™¥â™¥

If there is a doubt in your mind, then please realize adoption is for keeps, no open adoption is worth the paper it is written on and as many have said, there is help for mother's who need it. If you are not in therapy then you should seek assistance there for your OCD. Also, stay away from adoption agencies until you are certain this is what you want to do as they will promise you the moon and hand you a handful of dust when it is all over......

I work with children who are available for adoption through the public social service agency (DHS, SRS, HR) and adoption is certainly for keeps and as soon as the adoption is finalized......it is largely irreversible.

Good luck on your decision and take care.....

magic pointe shoes

What you are seeking is affirmation that everything will be okay and that relinquishing your baby is a safe okay thing to do. You also probably hoping to have that wipe the slate clean opportunity to start your life over again.

Relinquishment does not work that way. It's like speeding towards a brick wall preparing the best you can to soften the blow, but no matter how much you prepare the impact still hits. You will be a changed person once you give birth, and getting up and walking away is not easy at all.

No adopted person can give you the answers you seek, only your child if relinquished can give you those answers.

What you should know if you are considering adoption for your baby.
http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1

Anha S

I had a lot of different feelings towards my first mother, they ranged from anger, right up to thinking sunlight had to beam out of her butt. It was different day to day, and never simple. It still isn't really.

www.cubirthparents.org has some wonderful information.

Would your friends and family give you the support you need if you were to choose to parent? Perhaps there are also resources in your area that could give you a hand. Imo, I'd avoid making a final decision until the baby is born, you already feel like you want to raise your child, that feeling might just increase 10fold once your little one is born. I wish you the best in making your decision.

celtic.piskie

It's scary.

There's no denying that at all.

But you care, which is a lot more than some women do.

You will make a good mother.

A Therapist will help a lot, especially with the OCD and birth, which can be bad.

But you can do it.
There's no reason to have your child adopted.

Families should stay together, and there is no reason why you can't be a wonderful mother.

-hugs-

cantstopLinnyG

I missed my mother every second of my life, I still do. Your baby deserves to be raised and loved by his or her real mother.
I have OCD and ADHD. I take medication. I am a wonderful mother. My children do not love me any less because of this.
Please read up on how adoption will affect you and your baby. Do everything you can to keep your baby. He or she loves YOU.

Do some reading about the realities of adoption:

http://www.keepyourbaby.com/

http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/adoption_coercion.html

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php
http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org
http://www.origins-usa.org
http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm
http://www.babyscoopera.com
http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index....
http://www.thegirlswhowentaway.com/
http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php

Books:
The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier
Lost and Found: the Adoption Experience AND
Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness both by Betty Jean Lifton
The Adopted break Silence by Jean Paton
The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Carol c

If you have ANY doubts at all, keep your baby. Both you and your child will be better off being together.

I lost my only child to adoption in the 60's and I never got over it, even though we've been reunited for over 15 years. He suffered from abandonment issues growing up because he wondered what was wrong with him, that his own mother gave him away.

You can deal with your ocd with therapy and maybe even meds, but there is no drug strong enough to take away the pain for a mother who has lost her child to adoption.

Kelly

I was given up for adoption as a baby, and looking back I am EXTREMLY greatful for the life she gave me, by giving me to my parents. I couldnt imagine it any other way. Growing up I had mixed feelings but I would say 95% good and only 5% bad, ( And what kid isnt mad at their parents 5% of the time) What my BM did was totally selfless and I am REALLY greatful for what she did.

kateiskate

Honestly?

If your only reason for it is because you're single and have ocd don't do it. Your baby is better off with you. Why? Because YOU are his mommy. Whatever your faults or flaws, your child will still love you and want you.

Are you able to get support from friends, family, and the baby's father in order to raise your child?

kitta

Anxiety disorders and OCD run in my family, too. So, that means we understand it.

Your child may inherit something like that, too.

I was forced to surrender my son against my will during the 1960s, when unmarried mothers had no choice.

My son suffered from anxiety disorders and OCD. His adopter took him to a pediatrician who gave him heavy anti-depressant drugs when he was 2 years old, so that the adopters could cope with him. They were nothing like him, and didn't understand him at all.

You are your child's mother, and no one will understand your child like you will.

Losing your child will not help your anxiety, nor OCD.... if you surrender you baby.

There a many GREAT families (like ourselves) out there looking to adopt a baby. You would be giving a gift of love and life to a family. But you should explore your true feelings first before you make your decision. Your OCD can be treated. Talk to your doctor. I would not base my decision on this on whether you should keep your child or not.

Kate

I have always been grateful for being adopted. Even after I met my biological parents I told them I was never at any time upset at you for giving me the give of life.

My biological mother suffers from OCD, and I myself suffer from severe OCD, General Anxiety and the list goes on. I knew if my biological mother raised me it would be been extremely difficult for the both of us. However, I am in a loving home that understand my needs and I am grateful for that.

I myself know if I ever found out I was pregnant, I know I am in no shape to raise a child, and although I would go through the pain in lossing a child, I knew in the end that it was best.

I hope and wish you all the best and feel your pain.

Lucy Deana

i am glad im adopted, but i dont know what my life would have been like without being adopted.
but i love my birthmother absolutley loads, although i have never known her.
i think that she is such a wonderful, strong woman to let me go, even though she didnt know what would happen.
i will always love her.
i think you should think this through a lot more before you make a final decision.
â™¥

so so

I am married to an adoptee, and he has known his whole life he was adopted, never concerned him, He loved his parents (adopted) more than anything. He at 20 met his birth parents and siblings, he does not feel close to his birth mother or father, but his siblings are close. I have asked him before and he feels no regrets and his happy he was adopted, he feels his life was much easier than that of his siblings.

karcnr

You need to make the best choice for you and your baby no matter what anyone else tells you. Any choice should be done out of love for the baby, this could mean that you love your baby so much you want to give him/her a better life than you can provide. Any adoptive couple should tell the child how much their mother loved him/her and wanted to give him/her what they were unable to.

Contrary to what some may believe, unwed parents who place their children for adoption are not taking â€œthe easy way outâ€ or abandoning their responsibility. Instead, they are placing the needs of their children before their own feelings and desiresâ€”the essence of true parenthood. Such a decision is deserving of the highest commendation and respect.

I could site numerous sources/studies where adoption can be a positive thing if you are interested, just email me and I'll let you know.

Best of luck to you in your decision.

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