Adoption gone wrong?

Sam

that is very sad...

your friend is the mother... and its understandable that she wants to have the baby as hers... but the baby should also be in the widow's life... not necessarily living with her.. but visiting as if it was visiting the father...
this is all up to them though...you can offer advice, but when it comes down to it, you need to take a step back and let them make a decision...

tell them good luck.. and sorry for the loss

ladybmw1218

Without a formal surrogacy agreement, the mother retains all rights unless she relinquishes for adoption. The widow would have to go through all the same procedures as anyone adopting, including a homestudy and getting an attorney to file the petition etc..

Jess can't just give her the baby.

April

My question is why do this if you dont like the other person? However I think if she agreed to this before he died she should keep up her end of the agreement. It is only fair to the widow to have that small piece of her husband. Would you not want something like that? She should have thought this through alot more. Giving up a child is one of the hardest things to do even if it was planned before you got pregnant. I have given 2 children up for adoption and I know how painful it will be. She needs to follow through with this and get counseling. Something she should have done before she ever thought to do something like this. I wish your friend the best of luck and she and this poor innocent child are in my prayers.

Big Daddy!!!

stop eatting late night ice cream. she does not have to put the child up for adoption, take care of herself, and stop stressing about it. sorry about the lost. bd

claimsadjuster

First of all, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of the loved one. Continue to be there for your friend, regardless of what time she calls you. She's obviously afraid and she trusts your judgment. Depending on the state you guys are in, she has a CERTAIN TIME FRAME to change her mind about giving up her baby. It wouldn't make sense to me for her to follow through with it though, because, didn't you say your friend and the wife didn't like one another? The wife might resent that baby, because it isn't here's. Your friend has a bond with that baby and that's going to be tough for her. True this may be an ethical or moral (whichever you prefer) call, but in reality, WHAT IS BEST FOR THE BABY? I mean really? Think about it. That woman would either mistreat the child because it is not of her own flesh and blood, but then again, she could cherish it, because the baby is her husband's.
Not that it's any of my business, but how in the world did they come about making a deal such as this?
This is like a LifeTime movie or something!
Good luck!

Ghost Writer

Tell your friend to keep the baby and to tell the ex bf's widow to find someone else to plan out babies with. Your friend made the deal with her ex, not his wife. He has passed on and she has no obligation to the widow.

charlene_mueller

Legally she has every right to the baby. Since the baby is not born yet the widow really wouldn't have any rights to it since it's not hers by blood. The widow is wanting something to help her connect with her husband, she is in mourning and it would be hard for her but she has no sort of right to the baby unless they had had any legal agreement in writing. Either your friend can go through with the commitment she made or she can take back her word and keep the baby. I think this is more of a moral call then anything since they didn't do it right and get a lawyer to oversee this. It is possible though that since your friend gave her word the widow could take the her to court but that's if she has a lot of money, it is likely that she won't get anything but that all depends on the judge, the state and how they see a verbal agreement on adoption.

# 1 wifey!!!

well having a baby inside. yeah you get attached. but i guess it all depends on the person. can they let the baby go parents that can raise him or her.well i feel it the best interest of the child.

Judith H

I think she needs a good attorney. Maybe the wife would be resentful of the baby. It seemed the ex bf wanted the baby more than the wife. Good luck.

guildemasterstclare

Your friend is under no obligation unless the pregnancy was the result of IVF paid for by the couple. Even if the widow takes your friend to court, as long as the preg. was not the result of IVF, she hasn't a leg to stand on. Even in the case of surrogate mothers who are not biol. linked to the baby, the Supreme court already ruled that "she who gives birth is the mother." Whatever your friend decides, she needs to be upfront soon with the widow.

mamasonny

Your friend needs couseling. Have her talk to her dr. and tell him exactly what's going on. He can help her get help.That said...I wonder if this is too bizarre to be true?

LovelyLo

Think about whats in the best interest of the child. I dint think the child should be with someone who is not their parent, it will lead to questions in the future and upset. If Jess wants to raise the child then she should, as long as she is emotionally able too.

twilight whore. [Emina]

she should keep the baby because she is legally his mother since the dad is dead tell the widow to adopt a baby instead

emnari

the widow has not claim to the baby ... if there was no contract drawn up then the baby is hers ... did her ex pay her support for the pregnancy??

she should see her doctor regarding the nightmares, they are normal but sound as if they may push her off the deep end. I feel for your friend & his widow, now would be the time for them to come together and not hate each other.

But if your friend meant to have the baby for him & his wife she should honor the deal that was made.

Josie

It's too late now, but clearly this was a really bad choice to do on your friends part. If she remotely thought she'd not want to give the baby up, she should never have agreed to being the surrogate.
She needs a lawyer, especially if she's signed papers, been paid for expenses, etc. She will have to pay all those back.
I feel sorry for the widow...to lose her husband and now a baby she was planning to have. It's a piece of her husband and I would imagine she will see a lawyer especially if there are papers and contracts involved. you don't really mention the agreement, so it's hard to tell what will happen.
As for your friend, she sounds like she needs a therapist....she's clearly not thinking rationally with the dreams and paranoia....
surrogacy is never something to take lightly...
I hope what's best for the baby works out.

~*Durty's Wifey*~

i fit's her baby and she wants to keep it then whats the problem. she made no promises to the guys widow, right?

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