Adoption?help?

julie j

Hugs Hello Deshawn & Keshawn's Mom,

I was reading over some of your previous posts & I realize this must be a difficult time for you. Every mother wants to know that she is doing the best she can.

In case you have not considered them yet, here are a few thoughts that might apply to your situation:

1) Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary situation.

2) If you are considering adoption, the baby's father would also have to agree to give up his parental rights to the baby.

3) If you choose to have the new baby adopted, your children most likely will not understand. The child placed for adoption could end up resentful that his/her siblings were kept in the family while he/she was not. The children still with you could be afraid that they could be in danger of being adopted by somebody else too.

4) You have already proven yourself as a capable mother to the children you have. You know you can parent and that you can be a good mom to your kids.

5) The third child is never as expensive as previous children because you most likely have everything you need already: clothing, toys, crib, carseat, etc. Additional support is available if you ask for it. Many programs & people would be happy to assist a mother in need.

6) Be wary of adoption agencies advertising "open adoption." It most likely will not be, regardless of how nice the glossy "Dear Birthmother" letters sound. It's very deceptive for vulnerable women & their babies. Agencies cannot give you unbiased counseling either. They have one true goal - profiting thousands of dollars off of your baby.

7) Separating a mother and a baby has lifelong detrimental effects on both. You can research that by finding out what adult adoptees have to say about their adoption experiences. Also speak with first moms who have relinquished their babies for adoption. Not just the ones who have done so recently. Look for ones whose children are older. Ask them if adoption met their expectations. Ask them if they would do it again if they knew what they know now.

8) In almost all cases, infant adoption is unnecessary if the baby can be safe and loved at home with his/her mom.

9) Think of the joys that your 2 children have brought to you. Children need their mothers & mothers need their children.

I hope some of this might be informative or helpful for you in some way. Take your time and carefully consider what it would mean over a lifetime for you and for every other member of your family. Lastly, be good to yourself during this time.

peace,
julie j
reunited adoptee

Kichi

This would be a good time for you to get counseling so you KNOW you are making the right decision for your child and for you. You have the rest of your life ahead of you, and it would be very helpful for you to have a neutral person to help you look at your options realistically, and so you can make peace with YOUR decision. It is good to think about all of this, and once the decision is made, to accept it and not second guess yourself. Good Luck!

Heather B

http://firstfamiliesunited.com/

I can't say much more than has been said already.
How will the child feel when he/she learns that Mom kept his/her siblings but not him/her - it's just heartbreaking for a child to learn that. Their little minds ALWAYS think it's their fault or there is something wrong with them to have caused the rejection - they don't have the adult perspective on life yet.

I always try and see it from the child's point of view, in the way that they think

Gershom

May I suggest you read "journey of the adopted self" by betty jean lifton,
and "primal wound" by nancy verrier
"adoption a path to recovery" by joe soll

so you can attempt at getting into the shoes of how your adoptee could feel.

I side with your mom on this one! If she will help you, why surrender and divide your family?

Ane263

Is your Mom willing to help with the new baby? I would hope if she feels that way, that she would be willing to help you.

I agree with a lot of Julie J's points. This is a serious decision that will impact your entire life!

BPD Wife

This is a decision that only you and the bio father can make. Do not let others influence your decisions either way. You may come to resent them when the times get tough. I would recommend that you find a counselor to speak to so that you can talk all of this over and be comfortable with the decision you finally make.

Good luck to you.

oana t

so you want to give your baby to same body else???i mean another family???are u sure cos you can live with this in your heart?how about if that "parents"are not enough to good with that child?you don t feel guilty?well already you have parents for him:-)))!!

Madison

I can understand why she may be concerned since you already have two children and are now pregnant with a third but do not want to keep the child and properly care for it. This is why condoms and birth control come in handy- to help prevent unwanted pregnancies.

If you feel you cannot care for the child then adoption is your best option, but make sure you are using multiple forms of protection from now on.

Amanda

There are so many good people out there just dying to be parents but cant have one of their own. Your mom may not like adoption but in the end, it is your decision, not hers. At least you're not considering abortion!

mad_catz

there are MANY people who want to adopt a baby because they can't have one, your best bet is to choose the family yourself so you know your child is safe and will be happy.

pyaramor37

i think you should wait longer.
adoption can come with many problems so it requires someone kind of older.
obviously, im not saying ur unexperienced with 2 1/2 kids lol
but a lot of agencies require a certain age too.

kitten16_18

I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart because you chose to give the baby life and you are the ANGEL sent from God to give people like me and my husband that can't have children a chance at finally having a family of their own and give them a chance to know what it is like to have a child that they can call their own. Me and my husband are looking to adopt a baby hopefully when God sends the birth mother that he has chosen to have the child that he wants us to adopt me and my husband have tried for way over 5 years now with no luck of having our own children and the doctors told us that we will never have children because I can't have children at all. So me and my husband will wait for God to send someone to us he will have the person contact us when he feels he is ready for us to adopt. If you want someone to talk to you can e-mail me or message me on yahoo messenger if you ever need someone to talk to anytime day or night I am always here if you need someone to talk to.

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