Adoption; help; advice please!?

Possum

I too wanted to know about my first mother - but my adoptive mother always got upset when I questioned her - sadly she made it about her - and not about me.
I was the child - she was the adult.
When adoptive parents do this to adoptees it is extremely painful and unfair - as most adoptees aren't trying to 'pick' one set of parents over the other - they just simply want to know their truth.
I would try to explain some of this to your a-parents - but if they are unwilling to help you - then you may have to go on the search on your own.
I'm not sure how old you are - or where you are.
If you add more details - perhaps more help can be given - or if you email me through my profile - I can help.
I do hope that your a-parents will be helpful.
I'm sure you're scared out of your skull!!
If you need ANY support - pop on over to the best adoptee support forum I've found on the internet -
http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php
There is a teen board if you are not yet 18.
I wish you all the very very best with what lies ahead.
Know that you are NOT alone.

Cam

Don't be afraid to ask. No doubt your parents have prepared themselves for these questions from you and most likely are wondering why you haven't asked. My wish for you is that they have some answers and will provide their full support.
All the best.

Wilma Duckie Deene

Every adoptive parent knows that their child will have questions about their birthparents. They've already thought this one through for many years. If you just go to them (if you get along better with either your mother or father, you can go to that parent first) and let them know you have some questions. They may not have a lot of information to give you, but they can help with the search.

Best of luck!

akbutner2

I can understand your concern. I am adopted and my mother has always told me if I want to meet my biological mother she would understand. I have always been concerned that I would hurt her anyway. I would still suggest you sit down and talk to your mother and tell her how you feel. I am sure she will understand and in some way has been expected the conversation. I would just be as open and honest from the get go. Explain you are just curious about your back ground because that is very natural. I wish you luck and hope that some of the posting have helped.

Hannah M

U could call them instead of talking to them face to face.

ChimesOfWind

It is you right if you wish to find your birth parents.
Just express an interest to your parents, saying you are just curious. Make sure you tell them, it is nothing to do with them or anyting they have done wrong, you would jst like to no where you came from.
I hope you are not dissapointed at the end of your search and good luck ^_^

charlie

If they told you that you were adopted then they will be expecting questions sooner or later. Dont be afraid to ask them as you wont hurt their feelings. I am sure they will be glad to tell you as much as they know about your birth mother. Dont be disappointed if they cant tell you all that much but they will be able to make inquiries for you. Good luck.

Rene

First, I would start out by asking if they have any information about her, like where she lives, why did she put you up for adoption, etc. However, you really want to make sure you are ready to meet her. You might want to wait until you are close to or already 18. That way you don't have to ask your parents, and you'll be a little bit more mature to handle it. What you find might not be great and you need to make sure you are emotionally ready to handle it.

Still Me

First of all, what you're feeling, and what you are curious about, is o.k. If you have a good relationship with your parents, and they are emotionally pretty stable, then pick a particularly calm time, and approach them or one of them, with the sentiment you just shared here. Let them know how it feels when your friends "make stuff up" about you. Tell them that this got you to thinking about things, and made you curious to know more. Just let them know you love them and this is in no way about them. Tell them because you trust them, and they have always been there for you (if they have) you need their particular help to maybe find a few answers.

Try not to make it a long drawn out conversation, but just a short one to put some feelers out about how receptive they may be. After you plant the seed, give it a little time for them to think about it. You have been thinking about this a lot, and they may need a little time to digest this. It may feel somewhat uncomfortable to them at first, because some parents can feel scared and insecure at the thought of their child searching for more than they have provided them. But with a little reassurance, they will likely be helpful and supportive. If they can't be, it is not the end of the world. It may be too scary for some parents. Overtime, they may come around if they aren't there for you from the beginning. Meanwhile, you may need to turn to an Aunt or cousin who can support you in your quest.

Good luck!

Fidi

its a big step.....if you feel like you should then go for it. Firstly talk over with your mum now...if she finds out behind her back you could hurt her lots. And just ignore your friends..they are being very immature..good luck

momof4

im sure that your parents are aware that there will be some day that you will begin to ask about your birth mother. hopefully you realize that the parents you have now love you very much and probably fear that you asking to meet her means you are not happy with them. so first of all you need to reassure them that you love them very much and dont want anything to change but that you are really curious about your birth mother. tell them that you want to know what she is like and if you have any brothers or sisters out there....that you dont want to give up anything you have in your life now but that you are just curious and just really would like to know as much as possible...good luck

Sapphire922

Okay I'm just going to say, your birth mother may not understand you, some people don't act like their parents and vice versa at all.

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