Adoption of child with cerebal palsy caused by birth mother bad behaviour during pregnancy?

crzymmof8

My daughter has severe Cerebral Palsy and is a spastic quadrapalegic in a wheelchair due to it. She has severe brain damage and is non verbal, fed through a g-tube and visually impaired. All of this is due to her birth mother's drug addiction. After birth our daughter went into severe withdrawal and had a 27 minute seizure resulting in her being without oxygen for more than 5 minutes. Her birth mom was a beautiful woman who fell in love with a man who got her hooked on meth. She tried to get help while pregnant to stay off of meth. The programs available did not have enough money to keep her through her whole pregnancy. Should I hate her for what happened to our beautiful daughter? Should I hate the system? Or should we just love this beautiful little girl who loves to giggle and loves to be held and loved by us and our other children? I guess I am going to put my energy into her. There are days I cry because I think of all she could have done. She is so beautiful and so happy. She could have conquered the world but in her own way she still does. People come over to her as she smiles and blows kisses at everyone in her vicinity. So while some think she has no value now we know she is more precious than all the gold in the world.

danceswithwolves

how can cerebral palsy be completely blamed on a birth mothers 'bad behaviour' during pregnancy

there are many reasons for cerebral palsy

http://www.cerebral-palsy-solicitor.co.uk/cerebral_palsy_causes.html

so no i wouldnt be upset with her

Sly

There is a quote that you should be reminded of here...."let he who is without sin cast the first stone..." Before you begin casting stones at the 'birthmother' of you child, maybe you should stop and think about why you adopted the child? Were you in any way responsible for your own lack of fertility? Perhaps the reason you are so angry with this woman is because it misplaces the anger you are feeling about your complicity in you own situation. Remember that your anger at the woman who bore the child you are raising will be felt by the child.

arwenok

Yes! You can be as upset as you want in your own mind and heart but it's what you tell the little one that matters.

Gaia Raain II

I would probably be curious about why she did whatever it was that caused the damage. People don't hurt their own children for fun. She probably has some issues stemming from abuse or something. What good does it do to get angry at someone who obviously needs help? Why not help them instead?

Jessica

yes.

xlinzx88x

My brother has cerebral palsy and my mother is definitely not to blame. The reason my brother has cp is because at 8 months gestation he got caught in my mother's ribs and the doctor's failed to check up on that with an ultrasound. He was deprived of oxygen during his delivery and as a result, he suffers from cerebral palsy. To answer your question though: no, i would not be upset with her. It was only her child before you signed the papers so you know what you were getting into. The best thing you can do for a child with cp is love and cherish every moment with them, they're still who they would be in good or poor health, they're motor skills just aren't as developed.

nighteam

I do not have the answer as to why my daughter's natural mother did the things she did and if those things were completely the cause of my daughters CP and other conditions. I also can not say I am upset with my other daughters parents for causing her injuries related to SBS. Would I prefer it not happen, most definitely. I would love to know why and be able to teach others how not to go down that road. Their area always different sides to a story and usually we will not know the truth, so do we misdirect our anger and frustration to those who may have only a small part in the injury or what have you. Besides I have seen in my own experience that the systems that are to "protect" the children may do more harm.

Mommyto2

If it was her fault, yes but at the same time NO, because you are getting a chance to give this child the life it deserves. Maybe he will not be perfect but at least he is here. By the way I want to say Thank You if you are the person adopting this child it takes a special person with a big heart to do it. Lots of special needs kids stay in foster homes because no one wants them, which is heartbreaking.

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