Adoption question for aparents?

in COGNITO *

I'm not one who would lash out at adoptees, as my son is one. But I have also wondered myself, when people refer to aparents as greedy, baby hungry infertals, luring women with an open adoption just to kick the birthmom to the curb before the ink is dried, are they talking about their own parents or everyone, except their parents.

I'd hope everyone can treat each individual situation as it is, unique! We all (adoptees, first parents, aparents, or anyone just droppin' by) need to try to keep our judgements to ourselves, this is something I've been trying to work on.

School Nurse

I am an adoptive parent and while I do think adoption is a beautiful thing, I have never called anyone stupid or "yelled" at anyone for promoting family preservation. I have been repeatedly insulted and called names though, just for being an adoptive parent. I think we have to live in the REAL WORLD though and admit that sometimes unwanted pregnancies happen and women want to relinquish their babies for adoption. It is THEIR CHOICE to do so and no one has a right to coerse them to parent the child if they want to relinquish for whatever reason THEY choose--no matter our own personal opinions we may have for someone else's choices.
To answer your question: My daughter is almost 30 years old and has been treated as a loved family member by everyone in her family (and extended family). She KNOWS she is loved and valued and she loves ALL of her family. I've sent her links from this forum and she is of the same opinion that I am. Yes, she HAD some issues relating to her adoption when she was in junior high and high school at a time when most kids are trying to figure out who they are and the kind of person they want to be. She resolved these issues way back then. She still has curiosities about what her birth mother looks like, who she looks like, etc. but these are just curiosities and not obsessions. She doesn't have resentments that she was adopted or that she can't get her original birth certificate (doesn't have the slighted interest) and has NEVER felt like a second class citizen. She has gotten on with the business of living her life as an adult, wife, mother, working woman, etc.
Things happen in everyone's life that we have to deal with. Everyone has issues that can make life difficult and we have 2 choices. Dwell on it and obsess about it and let it fester to the point that gets us down and/or eats us alive OR deal with it and move on.
Life happens........to everyone. Deal with it and move on.

Adoption is A-OK!

wow, must be in a mood today, eh? Goodness, God forbid adoptive parents lash out when they're called names . . .guess it's only your gloom and doom you want to hear.

minimouse68

I am an adult adoptee. I disagree with you. In EVERY way!! Just because you have a beef with being adopted doesnt mean that I do. I dont. Im glad I was given up for adoption. Having met by bio family, Im glad I wasnt raised by them. You arent trying to promote anything, youre trying to ram it down throats, and being agressive and alienating about it too! You have NO RIGHT to project you resentments and anger off on anyone else, no matter what side of the adoption debate they sit on.

furfur

I don't lash out at adoptees and I support family preservation as long as it truly is in the best interest of the child.

I WILL NOT however tolerate the insults and demeaning label "poor infertile" as they are disrespectful and I will not hesitate to tell you that politely.

I am here to learn from you, but will not have my integrity assaulted because some people feel the need to lash out at the world.

Very well put, Angelcuddles!

Cochise

I rather hope that our adopted daughter will not spend her energies trying to blame all, or almost all, of her issues on the fact that she was adopted.

Bouvier

Unfortunately for you, due to the "time" of your adoption, more than likely, yours was closed, or a "secret". Things are changing. The responses you are feeling are negative, are from adults like me who have adopted children and more than likely, are more educated on the importance of open adoptions. We 'feel" at times that your situation is not "our" situation. We want nothing more than positive life experiences for our children. WE will also experience enough challenges along our journey in this life with our situations, therefore, the negative support is not taken well. Everyone in this forum has different opinions, I get that. However, there's nothing positive about nasty, negative thoughts and comments. They are infectious, and just plain "bring you down".

Again, I understand that your story may not be a happy one, or maybe it is, and your opinion is negative based on some life experience. If that is the case, my suggestion is to seek professional help so that you can live your life in a postive manner. Every family has disfunction, Biological or not. It's how you handle that as an adult that counts for our children.

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