Adoptive Parents: Do you feel pressure to be a super Mom/Dad?

Freckle Face

Dear Kristy,

Yes i do. Not so much society's view but the children's First Parents. They entrusted me to raise their children and i don't want to fail them. I know its a pressure i put on myself. I kind of feel that I damn well better be the best when i am aware of the sacrifice their First Parents are going thru. When my children are grown i want them to be able to say they had great adoptive parents, along with a happy childhood of course.

The older i get i find its less about perfection and more about being silly, enjoying the moment, laughing and having fun, and loving them the most at the most unlovable moments.

Kassy

I don't worry about what 'society' thinks. Never have, never will. The only people who I feel I have to please are the adults my children will grow up to be.

opedial

Geez I do have to be a super mom, don't we all?

In fact sometimes I am clinical mom, because the needs of my children are quite high, and I work very hard at behaviour modification.

Sometimes I am grumpy mom because, well sometimes I get grumpy.

Sometimes I am lazy mom and spend time watching movies with the kids instead of doing chores.

Yeah we do live in a fishbowl as adoptive parents, but more than not we are often second guessed by schools etc. because they think we "just jumped into this" even though we have what I think are great parenting skills.

I am all kind of mom and my husband is all kinds of dad, and frankly if someone is expecting more from us than we do then we pretty much ignore then!

Jennifer L

Yes. But I'm not sure if that's related to adoption, or if that's just society's expectation of parents.

With my oldest son, I felt pressure as a parent because I was so young. I felt as though I had to do everything perfectly, because as a young parent, I would be under scrutiny. If the 1st grade homework is missed once, it's because his mom and dad were so young.

With my two children from adoption, there are a lot of expectation as well. Not to mention the added factors of my children being adopted at an older age and from another country, culture and ethnicity.

If they forget to put their lotion on daily (and we live in a very dry climate) then I'm the bad "white" mom taking care of "black" children. This is a big one for me, personally. I keep lotion in my car (except when it's too hot and the lotion bottle literally ruptures) for those times when we're in a hurry, jump in the car, and I look over and see they haven't put lotion on. Hair care is another big one. I've had to learn a lot about hair care, but what I've learned is that ethnic braids are best done by someone who knows what they are doing. And short hair looks great on little boys.

If they misbehave at school, it's because we spoiled them and haven't taught them discipline. If they are well behaved or shy, it's because they are so afraid of being rejected that they are over-compliant. If they talk about their home culture, they aren't Americanized. If they don't, it's because we must have repressed it.

So, some of this is people, or my perception of people. Some of it is stuff that I put on myself.

But yeah, Supermom.

Shelly P. Tofu, E.M.T.

I'm sure most do. I haven't gotten there yet, but I'm sure I'll be a really paranoid amom LOL.. paranoid about what is the best thing for my child... how he/she is going to feel about this, that, and everything.

as for pressure.. I feel ALOT..alot of pressure, from people on this forum, not to BE a mom, EVER.. because I'm infertile.

Gaia Raain

No. Perfection is impossible, and no fun. I feel a lot of pressure to be what my future kids need me to be (part of which is being imperfect, human, and being ok with that). And if I wasn't up to the task, I wouldn't be following this path.

Heather B

But, Isn't that what they sell themselves as in those lovely 'Dear Birthmother' letters

ETA: I think Kassy gave a very sensible answer :)

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