Adoptive Parents/Foster Parents Have you ever taken care of/adopted a child with attachment issues?

Sofiakat

My son has Reactive attachment disorder. In the beginning it was as hard as hell. Now, we are in our third year, and he is finally bonding and most of his symptoms are either gone or dissipating. He had a large portion of the symptoms, including destroying property, hurting animals, physical violence, peeing and pooing on things, screaming, controlled tantrums, adult triangulation, eating disorder, stealing, lying, self-inflicted injury, control issues.
We spent a lot of time being consistent and controlling his behavior the best we could. If we gave an inch in our rules, it would mean hell to pay for months, as he would either see it as inconsistency or as a weakness in us. We also spent a lot of time hugging him, kissing him, telling him that we thought he was the best boy in the world, and that we loved him, no matter what. It is the "no matter what" that was the most important to all involved. It took two years for him to actually believe us.
He mainly did everything he possibly could to make us reject him. He pushed us to see at what point we would break and either hurt him or send him away. My husband took 9 months off work and I quit my job in order to give him what he needed and support each other through it.
We did a lot of touch play as well. I would let him pretend to put make up on me, and put cream on each others hands. Any gentle touch that was mutual was a step up from the violence.
He was 3 when he came to us and he is five now. I would not trade him for anything or anyone in the whole world. Once the layers started to be peeled back we saw a beautiful, loving little man. He still has pain in his heart, and still acts out often but the real boy beneath the pain surfaces more and more often now.
I also let him talk freely about whatever he wants every day. We have a special sit down time together. It is a completely non-judgemental, cant get into any trouble for anything hour.
By the way, attachment issues are nearly always directed at the new mother.
If you have anymore questions please feel free to email me at bibber_cat@yahoo.com.

xo_sandy

I have lots of experience...I am an adoptive mother of three foster children and I an MSW (Master's of Social Work). What you are talking about is is "REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER." I don't know the particulars of the children's situation, but if they have been in foster care, then I could safely say they do have RAD.

Bonding is complicated to say the least. If you are noticing that your little brother seems to be more bonded with your husband, this is a good thing; however, it does not equal good attachment. The foster parents are saying that the child has not bonded with you yet, okay. I would say not to worry about this too much because both children were not likely bonded with the foster parents when they first were placed in their care.

In reading your question, it appears you are having visits before permanent placement...Is this correct? If so, don't be too alarmed that he is not bonding with you. These children are scared and uncertain. It can takes years for real attachment to form. Remember that TRUST is the foundation of all relationships Establish that (and never break it), and both children will be fine.

We are still working on forming a healthy attachment with our children. RAD comes with behavior issues that mimic other disorders like ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD); as well as others. Often children are diagnosed with ADHD and medicated when in reality they suffer from RAD. All I can say is to find a good therapist that understands foster chidlren, the caseworker should be able to help you find one. He/She will be the best to determine your brother's diagnosis and intervention.

Good luck with the adoption...I think it's wonderful that you going to become your siblings parent. My best to you.

leila

My child was diagnosed with RAD disinhibited type (adopted from foster care) but I think what she had is attachment issues. She has bonded to me, but I am not sure I am bonded to her. I am very protective but she is a very annoying child..constantly interrupting, never thinking before she does something, impulsive, destructful etc. the best way I found is to get the them to talk about their feelings and be very calm, don't let them get you riled up.

sk8ermom

My son was almost 5 when he came to our family. He was the oldest of 2 that came and we had no other children. He was diagnosed with attachment disorders about 7 months in. He spent 4 years in therepy and I became a stay at home mom to try and help. He is now 12 and had to move to a boys home earlier this summer. He is no better than when he first came to live with us. We have also tried day treatment programs and he had a short stay in a mental hospital. He exhausted every resource we could find with not one step forward.
On another note. Attachment disorders can run a wide spectrum. He could have much milder issues. Each child is different too. He may respond well to treatments.
I wouldn't really trust a therapist who has only seen him 2 times. My son took a lot of time and a psyciatrist not just a therapist. He may need some love and hard work but you never know, he could be that diamond in the rough :)

Mikey

TO ADDRESS RS:

Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is a diagnosis NOT A THERAPY TREATMENT MODEL!

Children who are removed from their parents and then moved from foster home to foster home....not conducive of proper attachment.

The websites you provided is a treatment model that you disagree with...not the diagnosis.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

i've never heard of an adoptee with OUT RAD.

there isn't a fix for it. it's ingrained. i'm 40 years old and i still have it.

r s

nope, most foster kids are not any worse off than their biological parents

RAD cults have killed at least 12 kids and almost every adoption gone wrong story that has hit the news the past 10 years had involved someone doing RAD or AD parenting...

it just keeps up the cycle and mis-belief that all foster kids are trash (they are not, they are people who just need a real chance and often with the bio parents and not with some people making money off their care)

http://childtorture.wordpress.com/

http://www.advocatesforchildrenintherapy.org/

Liz

well i adopted all my children which are 4 and I absolutely love them like as if they were mine. All u have to do is show them you love them

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