Adoptive parents, how did you feel when your child contacted their birth parents?

Lori A

I know your looking for answers from the adoptive parents but since my daughters parents do not use computers, you will never get their perspective unless I tell you. They offered to help find me, but it was uncomfortable for them. Once she found me it took 9 years for them to meet me. I never asked to meet them, I left it alone, and one day after locating her father,my daughter called me and said that she had gotten a call from her mom who had decided it was time we all met face to face. I met them in January of this year. Her father could not make it at that time so he will try for over the summer. We got along great, it was awkward at first but it all worked out. I have been accepted as part of their family, and her mom called her and thanked her for letting them be part of her reunion. I got two really huge hugs that day from people I had just met. Her sister told me that her parents fear was that they did all the work of raising her and they felt she was going to run away from them and come back to me. It took a few years but they realized that she wasn't running anywhere and our reunion had no hindrance on their relationship. Meeting face to face put to rest all the ghosts and demons.

Heather B

My Adoptive mother was thrilled when I finally found my Mom. She knew how much it meant to me and because we have such a close relationship, she was not threatened at all. Quite the opposite.

My adoptive mother came to my house with a bunch of roses and a bottle of champagne and she proposed a toast to my Mom. She's one cool adoptive mother :)

ETA: Thumbs down from the yahoos who don't like my Mother being happy rotflol cheers!

sizesmith

It was our choice to have open adoption so he'll always know all four of us. It is his first mom's choice to not honor the open adoption.

I have no problem at all with any of his first family visiting, and best of all, loving him. Hopefully, by the time that children normally decide to visit their first family, his first mom will have healed enough emotionally to be part of his life.

cantstopLinnyG

Im going to copy off of Lori's answer, lol. Im an adoptee, but my parents still type with carbon paper and still have a rotary phone, lol.

I will be completely honest, my parents were a bit threatened at first. I think that is perfectly normal for them, because I was an "old school" type adoption. Meaning the agency fed them a bunch of bunk. Things like, "if you love your child enough she will never want to find her real parents", etc.

Once I let them know that my search had NOTHING to do with my love for them, they were much better. I told them the truth- that NOT wanting to find my natural family would go against everything they taught me about love and family". My a parents had a lot of guilt, because my a dad was an alcoholic and things were not so great most of the time while I was growing up. But I love them, and know that my Dad's alcoholism was his problem, not mine.

They know that I love them, but that I also love my n parents. Im not going anywhere, lol.EVERYONE is "stuck with me".

I think all a parents need to know that their adoptive child will most likely search for their first family, and that it has NOTHING to do with them. I think they should encourage it, and be there for their child. It IS what is best. No one should have to "start their story at chapter 2".

Philippa

My son's aparents are happy that we are in reunion but upset that son kept them out of the loop for so long. It's complicated why he did and he would have continued keeping them out of our reunion if my husband hadn't stepped in. We had both wanted the aparents involved right from the start but respected his wishes until we started having major issues with him so my husband stepped in. I personally like them.

AdoreHim

I have 2 adopted children. My son, met his birth family for the first time about 2 years ago. Actually his half sister contacted him. They get along great and talk often. They leave in another state. How do I feel? I was ok with it. And am glad that the relationship is pretty good. If I was concerned about anything it was how his birth family would react to seeing our son after 18 years. I can pretty much tell you that most adoptive parents may be a bit leery at first, but when it becomes known that it was a good thing for their child, they will be happy for them- or at least should be.

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