Adoptive parents what are your views regarding you adopted child and their children?

cantstopLinnyG

As an adoptee, when I became pregnant when I was very young, my adoptive Mom drove me to the abortion clinic. She KNEW there was no way in hades I would put a child through a lifetime of torment of missing her natural mother. I had 2 choices- parent, or terminate. Terminating was easier. I got pregnant again a while later, and got married.
I have 3 daughters, and I would have supported them in any way I could if that had happened to them. But they saw first hand how adoption affected our family, so again, their choice would have been the same as mine- terminate, or parent.

There is no way I would force my daughter to relinquish a child to adoption. She would only end up hating herself AND me. I feel sorry for Emily, and her daughter. Her daughter wants to parent her child. Emily is in for a world of hurt....and so is her daughter AND her grandchild.

To me, it's child abuse to force your child to give away their child. Its also illegal. But, coercion can be very sneaky. Sometimes, people dont even realizing they are doing it.
http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/adoption_coercion.html

I CAN and WILL judge, because I am adopted, and I WAS in that position.

I hope Emily reads these links to see what she is going to do to her daughter AND to her grandchild.

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php
http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org
http://www.amfor.net/acs
http://www.origins-usa.org
http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm
http://www.babyscoopera.com
http://www.keepyourbaby.com/the_primal_w...
http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index....
http://www.thegirlswhowentaway.com/

kim h

I am not an adoptive parents but no one should force their children, adopted or otherwise, to put their babies up for adoption. It should be a decision for the mother even if she is a minor.

Erin L

Hi 23,

I can't imagine refusing to help my daughter (adopted) raise her child. The idea of anyone doing that really upsets me. In fact, I don't know if this is right, but it upsets me more that she is doing this to a child who was adopted. She's already been separated from all other biological relatives, so it seems doubly cruel in a way. If my daughter would become pregnant as a teenager, I would strongly encourage her to raise her baby, and she would know that she has my help.

I CAN see that it would be a difficult road to navigate. It would be tough to find the line between kind of "taking over" being the parent of the baby and HELPING. I can see that I might have trouble sometimes figuring out how much I should require my daugter to do and how much I should still try to have her have the normal young teen experiences. But, if the situation happened, we'd figure it out. It wouldn't be perfect, but we'd figure it out.

Heather B

I noticed that question too. Something tells me that woman would be more willing to do her 'Christian Duty' and help raise her grandchild if she was 'blood' . . .

Just sayin'

I'm glad to hear you would support your child. I would too and I know for a fact my adoptive mother would never reject any child of mine.

kidmindi

As a parent, (both adoptive and bio) ifmy daughter became pregnant, I would encourage her to keep the child and support her and the child until she was of age.

If one of my sons were responsible for a pregnancy, and the girl kept the baby, my son would be out after school working a job and giving most of his paycheck to support his child. I would also offer to keep the baby if necessary for the girl to go to school and/or work.

In either situation if the kids wanted to put their baby up for adoption, I would offer to adopt it. If that wasn't what they wanted, I'd accept that. (after letting them know exactly what an adopted kid goes thru)

aloha.girl59

I have one child. I adopted him six years ago. I'm 40 years old and people ask me all the time, "When are you going to have another?" I tell them I'm not; I'm happy with the one I have (and I am)! However, if he was to get a girl pregnant in the next 6-20 years and the girl didn't want to raise the baby but planned to give birth, I would definitely step up and help my son raise his child! Not only would the baby be half of my wonderful son, but I would never want a child to suffer adoption loss again if I could help it...especially not a child my son helped create!

Sophie

I have a son and look forward to when he has children (my grandchildren). I would not recommend adoption no matter what age they were and would help support him in whatever he needed.

Randy B

No, if any of my daughters were to get pregnant young I certainly would not force them to place their child for adoption so that it had a two parent home. In the same way I didn't force either of their sets of birth parents to place them for adoption for what ever reason they had. I was just there to accept them into our home once that decision was made.

And "even if it means a GED and Community College"? You say that like it's a bad thing or something sub standard and to be embarrassed of.

monkeykitty83

I would assume my daughter would be keeping/raising her baby unless I was informed otherwise, and even then, I would insist she be as informed as possible about the choice she was making.

I would help her parent the child-- with the understanding that SHE is the mother, not me. Parental rights come with parental responsibilities, and I would not enable her so she could claim one and ignore the other. I would expect her to be a mother, and I would just be there to teach and assist as needed.

I would make sure she was able to complete school, since that's vitally important to her future.

If it was a son instead of a daughter, I would encourage him to be as involved in the baby's life as possible if the mother decided to parent, and if she didn't want to, I would help my son raise the child as described above.

I would definitely NOT force, pressure, or even want my daughter or son to place a baby for adoption.

IDK!!

There isn't anything i wouldn't do for my kids or my kids' kids.

blairnative

I am with you 100%.

my grandkids do not go up for adoption, as a personal choice in our family.

Crucio

If I was a parent I would not force any child adopted or natural to place their baby for adoption. I would make sure they were educated on their options. Had I gotten pregnant as a teenager my parents would have supported my decision whether I choose to keep the baby or place it for adoption. I would do the same for my own child whether adopted or biological. If I had a teenager who choice to keep their baby they would know that while grandma would help and assist them a little. It is not grandmaâ€™s baby and thus the majority of parent duties are going to fall on her/him. I would help out some financially but again I would not be fully supporting them financially.

I must agree with Emily having a baby at 17 and having a baby at 13 are not comparable. The 17 year old is a year if less from being an adult; a 17 year old can get a job and help support their baby financially. They can also drive so that they can take their baby to doctorâ€™s appointments or drop the child off at dadâ€™s house or daycare.

Jennifer L

Of course I would never threaten or coerce my daughter to place a child for adoption! I would offer any and all support for my daughter and her boyfriend in whatever choice they made.

Why do you think that adoptive parents are more likely to coerce their child to do this? All of the stories I've heard from young girls in this position were being threatened by their biological parents!

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