Am I ready for adoption? ?

Sofiakat

No, it does not sound like you are ready for adoption. It sounds like your heart and soul is still into having a child that is biologically your own.
Adoption is hard. It is not the easy route by any means.
You may wait years for an infant. If you go through foster care, often the children are traumatized by being seperated from their mothers and often have been neglected or abused and that calls for an awful lot of education on your part to be able to help guide that child through the healing process. Any which way you look at it, you will most definetly not get a child with a "blank slate" that you can mold into your own.
Yes, it is possible to love and bond and attach with a child that did not come from your womb, but until you have dealt with your own grief over not being able to produce a child, then you should wait.
Nobody wants to be someone that someone else settled for. Imagine if your husband said to you "Well, I couldn't marry the one I really wanted, but I figured, hey, you'll do."
Can you imagine growing up with that hanging over your head. Kids are smart. They know.
I would continue with your IVF and use the time inbetween to educate yourself about adoption and what adoptees and biological mothers go through. I would research adoption in order to see what is ethical and what is not.
If you are not successful in your IVF, then take a full year before you go forward with any type of adoption. Take time to grieve it and to move forward. You really need to be in a space where you will be okay without being a parent so you are not just desperately trying to fill that empty hole left by infertility.
I wish you luck in your IVF.

Flying Monkey #073177

I know I'd love to be a last resort and to know my mother didn't think she could love me... Not ready, sorry.

Linny G

I am NOT trying to belittle you, but as an adoptee, I must say a few things.

"Back up plan"- Really? Yeah, we always like to hear we were our paret's "back up plan"-i.e., not the FIRST choice, which would have been their own bio kid.

Honestly, the child will probably not love you as much as "their own Mother"

Ok, back to your question. NO- you are NOT ready to adopt, and with a mindset like that, it's more than likely better that you do not.

tish_part deux

please work on your own fertility issues. i don't think adoption is a good option for you.

if you believe you won't bond nor love a child you adopt, or believe adoption is a back up plan, i'd say you are NOT ready for adoption.

be well.

Lillie

Well first of all, I am an adopted ADULT and not a CHILD.

But your whole question reeks. Sorry, but don't adopt. I don't know if you are even ready to bear your own fruit.

Summer L

I don't think you are ready. I am adopted and having a bio brother - my parents made NO distinction whatsoever. If there is enough love in your heart, you would love both children equally, but if you are having this much difficulty deciding... I'd say wait (if at all).

kateiskate

There is still a lot for you to learn about adoption. As an adoptee it is offensive to me that people consider adoption as a â€œlast resortâ€ in case they cannot have biological children. That kind of mindset is setting the stage for all kinds of issues that being a â€œlast resortâ€ might give someone. Maybe you didnâ€™t mean anything by that statement, but as I said there is a lot for you to learn about adoption before you will be ready to adopt. One of the best things you can do before making that decision is talking to people who have been on all sides of adoption. Talk to adoptees, first moms, adoptive families. Listen to what they have to say and really think long and hard about if it is something you have the capability to do the right way. Donâ€™t think about what YOU want (aka in this situation a baby) and instead think about what the child would want and NEED. When you are thinking about adoption from the childâ€™s point of view rather than your own, you will be on your way to being ready.

celtic.piskie

No child should be brought into a family as a 'back-up'.

That is, no offense, but completely horrible.

My parents did that, and got pregnant afterwards.

I could never compete with their 'miracle' baby, their perfect little proper child.

You really need to get over your difficulties conceiving.

Is it really too much to ask that children are brought into a home loved, rather than as a back-up.... Not as good as we could have, but we had to settle?

We wanted a real child, but got you instead?

Please, do not adopt until you want to.

Do not adopt until you can love a child FULLY.

Do not adopt until you can honestly stop using words like 'resort to adopting', or we wanted a child but, or back-up.

opedial

I TTC ages ago and decided it was not worth the trouble. Adoption was not a "back up plan" but a new way at how we looked at forming our family. This involved much education on our part, and we also fostered to help those already waiting while deciding whether or not to adopt.

If you are going to keep trying naturally and consider your adopted child a back up, I recommend not going down that path and keep on your TTC.

snowwillow20

If you aren't sure you could love an adopted child the same as a bio child then don't adopt. Wait until you are sure.

ladybmw1218

No, you are not ready to adopt. See Sofiakats answer again.

â™«Queen.of.Destructionâ™«

no.

rachelrmf@sbcglobal.net

I would say that since you are questioning yourself as far as would you feel the same or would your love be different then you are not ready at this point in your life to think about adoption. I have done 4 rounds of IVF as well as many attempts at embryo adoption. You just need to take one step at a time. Deal with your IVF right now and think about the rest when it comes to that stage of your lives. You are more than welcome to e-mail me if you have any questions on your IVF. I am very open and honest about my experiences and would be happy to share with you.

PurpleJollyRancher

My husband are TTC as well and are not having much luck.

I would say there are going to be a million fears no matter what route you go. Many women who are pregnant fear they will not be a good mother or will not love their children correctly.

Adoptive mothers I'm sure have this fear very commonly as well.

If you are able to love children in your extended family (nieces, nephews, cousins, etc) and children of your friends, and you have a genuine love of children, I think you will be a good parent and the love of your child, no matter how it is brought into your family, will suffice.

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