Am i mentally ill for not feeling bad about giving him away?

Heather B

Hey that's great. But dont expect him to feel the same way about being given away.
ETA
Oh yeah Angelica, separating siblings is so much fun for them, (rolls eyes)

snowwillow20

If you don't feel bad then you don't feel bad. You aren't mentally ill. I hope the day never Com'ss when you feel bad about what you have done, because it's not a fun place to be.

Adoptionissadnsick

If you are "okay" then what are you doing lingering in the adoption section and reading how other mothers feel?

Randy B

You are entitled to your feelings, one way or the other. People all deal with things in different ways and if you are at peace with things then more power to you.

Minnimouse

No, don't feel bad at all. Everyone feels differently about adoption. Everyone feels differently about everything! Don't follow the crowd just because you feel happy or okay and feel you should be guilty about it.

You did what you thought was the best for your child. If you knew the family, maybe you were completely satisfied with their character and ability to parent. Even if you don't know who the adoptive parents are, you may have an instinctual feeling that he is happy and settled. Parent's have that kind of intuitive feeling about their children.

I don't blame you for giving him up and I would never wish on you the suffering and pain a lot of first mothers experience throughout their lives. It can be gut wrenching and can even mental and physical health can suffer.

Flying Monkey #073177

It took me a very long time to realize how badly I felt about my son's adoption, about 6 years. Sometimes it takes a while to really sink in and some people feel it right away, some never do. Depends on the person really.

DevonChaos

Some people feel differently. I wouldn't say it is a maturity issue. It is a child, for crying out loud. There is nothing immature about being separated from your children. There is a natural bond between mothers and their children, and feeling badly and sad about giving up a child doesn't mean that you have "some growing up to do".

I would say that you might be repressing some. You might not be, who knows? Only you know how you truly feel. You are the one who has to live with your decision. Well, you and the baby you gave away. He'll have his own set of issues, though. Maybe you can talk to a professional about it if you are concerned. Otherwise, if you think you are fine, I guess there isn't anything you can do. Just be sure that if it ever does start to bother you, that you find someone to talk to about it.

bananarama

umm i dont think your crazy for not feeling bad. Its good to be honest. You must truly belive you did what was best for him and belive he is in a much better place. Now im not gonna say this to be mean or anything. I dont know your age or situation but further down the road you might end up having bad feelings. I hope not but its possible like if your young maybe when you get older settle down get married and decide to have children you might end up woshing your son was there with you. It might not happen untill you give birth and start to raise another child. But it may never happen you may always be at peace with the decision you made. I dont think its because your crazy or emotionless but I think maybe you are just at peace with the decision you made because you know it was the right one. There is nothing wrong with being at peace and not having bad emotions about the decision you made.

Carol c

Everyone is different. If you thought your decision through, looked at various options and decided giving your son up would be best for him; then you did the right thing.

Most of the pregnant women who I've read that post here, are undecided as to whether they should give their child up. Often they'll say, I really want to keep him but I don't think I can - or the father won't be involved or some other reason that those of us with more experience know can be overcome.

In those cases I always respond that if they're in doubt, don't do it! Or at least know that if they do -there will probably be alot of pain and confused feelings for them. Sometimes single mothers are feeling vulnerable and lacking in confidence and that's when people start telling them that they need to do the right thing and give up their child. Paps fly out of the woodwork and put pressure on them by making them feel too inadequate to take care of their own child. That's coercive and unfair.

Of course you're not mentally ill - you at least had a choice and made it and felt comfortable with that choice. All women should have that choice and be given support if they choose to keep their child.

kittie

If you know that your child will be happier with other parents than with you then you shouldn't feel bad.
At least you gave him life and didn't go off and have an abortion. I don't think you should feel bad.

Independ"ant"

Mentally ill? Don't know enough about you and your situation.

Very few women/girls can dissassociate themselves from childbirth completely....its a temporary defense mechanism.

Would I say someone is mentally ill because she disassociated herself from the child she was forced to carry for months and gave birth to whose daddy was her rapist. Absolutely not.

I would say the people that manipulated her into having the child had mental illness.

Felicita1

Sometimes it can take years or even decades before the denial and dissociation break down. Maybe this is the case for you, or maybe you are one of the 2% who never loved their baby or wanted to keep their baby. Who knows?

kitty

You know hes in a better place where a family could raise him..

theres nothing to feel wrong about it, Women who regret giving up their baby made a mistake. You know what to do, Plus I think its all about maturity to.

Becca R

you shouldn't feel bad for giving your baby up. if you thought he was going to have a better life than you could give him. there are soo many people out there that cannot have children of there own and if it wasn't for adoption they wouldn't ever be parents. you probably don't feel bad because deep down inside you know that your baby is being cared for and is loved.

'Insert name here'

No you shouldn't feel bad. If you knew he couldn't be looked after well by you and found him good parents then i have the most respect for you. Too many people have kids when they are rubbish parents. And too many 'birth parents' still call the child their child...when they aren't. they didn't raise that kid.

mom to be

Not everyone feels the same. I was adopted and I do not feel the "Primal Loss" for my first parents. I was more curious about them. Do not force yourself to feel the way other people feel. We are all individuals.

Cal

No, you're not mentally ill, and I think it's wonderful that you don't feel bad. You did what you thought was best for your son and gave him the opportunity to be raised by people who were ready and able to take care of a child, in a way that at the time, you did not believe yourself to be. Why on earth should you feel bad about that?

As for Manx's comment, above: "I know adoption is good but think about what that boy will go through when he's older. shame on you!"

Why would you expect that the boy will go through ANYTHING negative when he's older? Many, many adoptees go through nothing of the sort! I certainly never did, and neither did any of the adoptees I know personally. I'm sorry if that disappoints you.

Cody B

No, you shouldnt feel guilty...if you did it becuase you think he could be better off with someone esle...then you are just thinking about him....if you would have kept him and you knew you couldnt do all that he needed then he wouldnt be in the best place for him....you shouldnt feel gulity at all and if you do maybe try to contact the people you gave him to so you can atleast vist him...you dont even have to let him know who you are until later on...if at all.

Glam Mommy

No you are not mentally ill. You did the best possible thing you could have done for him. Kudos to you! Maybe you could look into some counseling though if you really feel you need it.

sunny

Uh-huh. Riiight.

angelica c

HECK NO ................I gave a daughter of mine away 7 years ago......I had already had one daughter and well I was struggling with her.......It was SOOOO the best thing I could have done for her.......So just know he is in a better place and go on with what your doing. Do you still have contact?

Tink

I think you are even MORE responsible for knowing your limits, and giving him up for adoption.... You gave someone the GIFT of life.... Congratulations, it is real mature from you, and you shouldn't feel bad about it, you know in your heart he is better off :D

Kat

well to be honest if you thought that he would be better with someone who could take care of him then you cant feel bad you did it for him really though maybe it just hasnt hit you how bad you really feel, but you did it for him and now he is safe you could still visit him right? yanno to see how hes getting on so you havent lost touch and he will still know that u care for him. :)

DebbieP

I think you are unselfish. You obviously did the right thing and that's why you are at peace with your decision. Don't ever think that you must think like others do - it's one of the biggest problems on earth.

Quelsh Chick

Why bring the child into the world then.
I know adoption is good but think about what that boy will go through when he's older. shame on you!

you can all thumbs me down all you want, but yes you do seem mentally ill and I would never do that to my son (If i had one).

Foolish woman, you will regret all your life. oh well good luck visiting the psychiatrist!!

ssmc221

I don't think you are mentally ill. If you did what was best for your child then you shouldn't feel bad at all, giving a baby up for adoption that you cant take care of (or don't want to take care of) is the most selfless thing a person can do.

durdenslabs

I think 99.9% of mothers that have given their child up (without having abused them or neglected them in some way) feel badly. Not because they gave them up, but because they couldn't take care of them. Now the child is with another person, calling them "mom", being raised in a stable/loving/nurturing environment that you couldn't provide.

MICHAEL B

I see from the answers you are getting a lot of positive support, I would have to ask why if you were Intelligent enough to know you could not take care of a child, and wise enough to know adoption was his best chance in life, why were you stupid enough to bring a child into the world with all the products available today to prevent unwanted kids being born and becoming a burden on the state.

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