Am i not a parent?

J S

I think you are a hero! What you have done for your child is beyond selfless. I wish there was a way to encourage more pregnant moms to consider placing their child for adoption if they are unable to properly care for the child.

In regard to people telling you to let go - the arrangement is between you and the adoptive family and not the business of outsiders. You have already shown that you can step back and put the well-being of others ahead of your own wants so do what your heart tells you.

You are a birth mother and, as I said, a hero in a very important way. That child was blessed. Thank you for doing what you have done.

Lillie

Of course you are. You are and will always be her mother. A piece of paper can not change that.

Freckle Face

Yes, you are a mother. Your role has her mother is just as important as the role of her adoptive mom. I am so happy for you that you have an open adoption. I respect you and the decision you made for your daughter. I truly try not to judge others as i have not walked in their shoes.

roaddoggg8

dont listen to other people. they dont control your life. you did what was best for your child and there is nothing wrong with it.

LaurieDB

You will always be her parent -- her mother. Being adopted doesn't change that. I hope you never forget that.

I'm adopted, and at 43 years old, I still know that I have 4 parents.

ETA:
Even though I had parents to raise me, I would have been more than happy to have first parents to be in my life when I was growing up.

By the way, it sounds to me like you ARE going on with your life. You daughter is part of your life, and hopefully you two will always be a part of each others' lives.

LindsayM

Of course you are! Your child will be healthier and happier than most adoptees becuase you are there! Please dont leave!

Annabelle

You're not a bad mother at all!!! You don't need to justify yourself on here in front of strangers. Be careful on here people are horribly rude and not at all fair!

And for the record this stranger thinks you are incredibly courageous and wise

sunny

You will always be her mother.

I am glad you are in her life so often, I hope your arrangement continues!

If you let anyone go, it should be the people who suggest this nonsense.

Good Luck!

Sophie

You are a very good parent. You will always be a parent. The adoptive parents are parents as well. Your child is lucky to have two sets who love her very much.

----------------------
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
parÂ·ent -noun
1. a father or a mother.
2. an ancestor, precursor, or progenitor.
3. a source, origin, or cause.
4. a protector or guardian.
5. Biology. any organism that produces or generates another.
6. Physics. the first nuclide in a radioactive series.
â€“adjective 7. being the original source: a parent organization.
8. Biology. pertaining to an organism, cell, or complex molecular structure that generates or produces another: parent cell; parent DNA.
â€“verb (used with object) 9. to be or act as parent of: to parent children with both love and discipline.

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, Â© Random House, Inc. 2006.

LaraSue

You are a mother and don't have to justify your decision to ANYONE!

Santa's Lil' Helper

Dark

You do not need anyone...including us on Y!A to validate the role you play in your child's life.

goddessamber13676

I think it makes you a wonderful mother and person to realize you just could not do it on your own, and that your child deserved better. There are so many parents out there that are not smart enough to do this, and their children go without, or are abused etc...

Expecting Momma

I think it is respectable and a good decision. If you were not able to provide like you want for your baby, I'm glad that you are actually willing to admit it and figure out what to do to make it happen for your baby. It was a very mature thing that you did, and I am also happy that you still keep in contact with your child. It shows that you wern't looking for an excuse just to get rid of her, but you chose to give her the better life you could not give her.

Nic

I think that makes you a great parent! You gave your daughter a life she couldn't have had with you and that is a difficult thing to do. Plus you are staying in her life but also leaving the "parenting" to her adoptive parents. You must be very strong to do that and I think it's amazing that you had her best interests at heart.

Richie

You made a very responsible choice. I have a friend who did the same thing as you and we were very happy with her decision. She made more of an adult choice than most do. That doesn't make you less of a parent or a bad mother you did what was best for her if anything to me it seems like it would be a harder decision when you get to see the baby everyother weekend. I think if more people would look out for the intrest of the babies we wouldn't have so much trouble out of the youth today. It must have been a hard decision but after all the thought you put into it i am sure you did the best for her.

By all means, you are a parent, you're a mom... and a good one at that. You made a totally selfless decision to put your little gal up for adoption, and what's wonderful is that it's an open one, you are able to be a part of her life. You gave her life, you made it possible for her to have a life and give her a chance.
Please be kind to yourself, don't ever think that you are a bad mother. A bad mother would be one who is completely neglecting her child, one who doesn't have a care in the world towards her child. You are seeing to it that your daughter is being cared for, not only by you but by another set of parents. THAT is a good parent!

IJToomer

I think you are still a parent to a degree - you just don't give her daily care as the a-parents do. As a parent, you made a wise, difficult decision in the best interest of your child.

I guess it depends on your definition of "parent". I have a b-mom - who I have never met - and I have my mom, who is the one who tried her best to give me what I needed and wanted as I grew. <Shrug> It's all relative to each individual.

Just take peace in knowing you did what you had to do to give your child a better life and be content and happy in being able to see her grow. =)

mike c

dont listen to other

his woman giggling

You should right the experience down and give it to the adoptive parents to share with the little one when they feel it's right or when the child turns 18. That, makes you a good parent even though you aren't raising the child yourself, you made sure the child was cared for and didn't murder it.
Me, mom who gave my third child up and then married and raised a total of 5 kids.

biminibigblue

you are as much a parent as you feel.

I think this is a great inspiration to others considering adoption.

Kay

It is quite understandable to want to keep checking on her, but you chose parents for her and it really is time to let go, the more you see her the harder it will be for you to move on and start your own life. I placed my son for adoption 4 years ago and saw him 3 times after that. Everytime I saw him it got harder to let go of him. The child must form a bond with his parents now and it is the loving thing for you to move on. You can still send letters and exchange pictures, but unless you are raising this child, you should step back. You are her mother but not the parent. My heart goes out to you.

By being adopted, I understand that my birthmother entrusted me to 2 awsome people to raise me. And that is exactly what a PARENT does, they raise the child. They are there when the child is potty training, when the child is very sick, on the first day on school, their first dance, and all the other milestones of that child's life. I was simply answering your question, if you were a parent or not, and that is what I believe a parent is to a child. I don't celebrate mothers day just because I gave birth to my son, the wonderful person I chose to raise him does.

I'm not being hurtful in any way this is just my opinion.

AND TO EVERYONE OUT THERE ON THE WEB, I AM ADOPTED AND ALSO A BIRTHMOTHER AND AM VERY MUCH ENTITLED TO AN OPINION.

HappyMomAnna

I have not read all the answers to your question...

I can say based on my own personal feelings that being a mother and/or father is one thing...Being a parent is another.

My older children are adults... Age 24 and 23 I am their mother but, my Parenting Role is over.... I will always be their mother but to me the definition of Parent is a VERB:

â€“verb (used with object) to be or act as parent of: to parent children with both love and discipline. the act of raising a child....

HOWEVER that is NOT the Only way to define Parent:

1. a father or a mother.
2. an ancestor, precursor, or progenitor.
3. a source, origin, or cause.
4. a protector or guardian.
5. Biology. any organism that produces or generates another.
6. Physics. the first nuclide in a radioactive series. â€“adjective 7. being the original source: a parent organization.
8. Biology. pertaining to an organism, cell, or complex molecular structure that generates or produces another: parent cell; parent DNA.
â€“verb (used with object) 9. to be or act as parent of: to parent children with both love and discipline.

So--Yes, you are a parent.

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