Am in the process to become a foster carer any thoughts/support?

Looney Tunes

Hey Kat.

Cool. I was raised in the foster care system and lived in 12 different homes. Some were ok, some were terrible.

My advice. Remember that the children are products of their past and their behaviors reflect that. Instead of getting mad, get CREATIVE. For example: Instead of punishing by taking things away, make the child spend more time with you.
Remember to LAUGH. Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine when things get out of control.
Have the PATIENCE of a saint. Kids do things because that is what was modelled to them or because they never learned. You might have to teach them 10-15 times, but they will get it. I never ate at a table until foster care. It took me awhile to get the whole "table eating thing" correct.
PRAISE for little things. Most foster kids never got any praise...go ahead and tell them they are doing a good job.

Recognize that they are not going to trust you and they will test you over and over. Stay CALM, CONSTANT, PATIENT, and CARING. The testing will stop with your consistency.

Remember that even though you might get a 5 year old child, developmentally the child might be 2-3. Abuse and neglect changes the developmental pathway of the child. It is ok that they act, behave younger than expected. Try to give them what they need. My foster-mom took me to the park and went on the swings with me when I was 14 years old. She also read out loud to me when I was 12. I never had people read to me. It was cool.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. It is not an easy job, but there are people in the community who can help you.

NEVER, EVER introduce the child as "your foster child" Argh.

Don't say the following:
"You have to wait till I get the check"
"If I didn't take you, noone would"
"If you don't stop, I am going to send you back"
"Your bio-parents are bad/wrong/screwed-up/etc." (unless it is in support for the child's feelings. For example: Your bio-parents were wrong to do that to you and I feel mad at them. after the child says she is upset)

Don't lock the refrigerator or the cabinets. Let the kids eat when they need to.
Don't send kids to their room as punishment. They will probably be happy to go, because in the beginning, they don't know or care about you.
NEVER EVER hit or spank.

Good luck. You are doing a great thing for children. Remember that these are kids who really need someone to care for and about them.
You will do great!

julie s

i really admire what your going to do, that is one of the best things you can do, there are so many children in care that need a caring stable enviroment, i've been in care (i did go back and live with my parents) a couple of times and it was a very positive experiance the people i stayed with were lovely and didnt exclude me from anything, i don't know anything about the process really but i wish you all the luck in the world.

amanda

hey Kat!! I was actually raised in foster care, and my parents went through alot. They brought in the 3 of us at ages 5, 6 and 7. I was probably the worse child out of the three. I know that it took alot of my parents time and patience to raise us, and they always brought in more children, they were always taking foster parent classes, talking with social workers, teachers, and whatever they had to do to keep us and the paperwork straight.
But they have finally stopped foster parenting after 17 years, and through all the children they had adopted, and just cared for, there was not one child they just said they couldnt handle, or love. Definetly do it if you have a strong support circle, a loving home and alot of time to devote to children.

missing my man

just love the kids and be a little tough the will test you boundaries god knows i did with my foster parents.... all they really want is stability and consistency and to be safe provide them that and loving supportive figure in there lives and you will be fine.... also its like being a regular parent don't forget to ask for the help when you need it don't try and go it alone... have fun and you truly a great person for doing this for those kids

Metal

Hi Kat, that is wonderful. I have a real close friend that has 5 foster children, he has now adopted all of them. Hey, take care of a child for several years, how do you give them up? They will always be with you in your heart. You hope they will always stay in touch and are taken cared of. This family I am talking about already had children too, I know his children felt bad at times and I think there might be a problem there. I think they feel the parents think more of there new obligation than them. That is something to be on the lookout for, just a heads up. I wish you luck. Eddie

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